Turn on thread page Beta
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    OK here's the deal:
    I'm a 22 year old asian guy, and I've sort of been betrothed to this girl for a while, whom I've only actually met fairly recently.
    Now she's really nice, we get on really well, and like each other a lot, and everything's brilliant. The problem is, she's only 16 years old.

    It seems perfectly acceptable for a husband to be six years older than his wife - I mean, when I'm 40, she'll be 34, which isn't really strange at all. But at the moment, she doesn't even fulfill the "half your age plus seven" rule! So at the moment it just feels really weird, wrong and awkward when I'm talking to her. Like if she flirts with me, it just feels SO wrong to flirt back, or anything like that, bcause she's just a kid! But I don't want to be too formal either, because it'd be just an act, because I really do like her!

    Usually people wouldn't have this problem, because if your parents have already found you someone pretty early, you probably wouldn't actually meet them this early before getting married - but it's just coincidental that it happened.

    So, are there any suggestions as to how to tackle the situation? I mean I could just not talk to her for a few years, but I don't think that'd be very nice for either of us. Or I could just converse with her on a very "just-a-friend" basis, even though that'd be really strange, because we'd both know that we were suppressing our true feelings, and just putting on an overly formal persona in front of each other - she wouldn't be the girl I really know, and I wouldn't be the guy she really knows. Or I could just carry on talking to her the way I do, in which case I'd be being overly suggestive with someone who, at the moment, is far too young for me, and it just feels so odd!
    The thing is, I don't want to end up putting her off me either

    Any suggestions as to what I should do then? :confused:
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    OK here's the deal:
    I'm a 22 year old asian guy, and I've sort of been betrothed to this girl for a while, whom I've only actually met fairly recently.
    Now she's really nice, we get on really well, and like each other a lot, and everything's brilliant. The problem is, she's only 16 years old.

    It seems perfectly acceptable for a husband to be six years older than his wife - I mean, when I'm 40, she'll be 34, which isn't really strange at all. But at the moment, she doesn't even fulfill the "half your age plus seven" rule! So at the moment it just feels really weird, wrong and awkward when I'm talking to her. Like if she flirts with me, it just feels SO wrong to flirt back, or anything like that, bcause she's just a kid! But I don't want to be too formal either, because it'd be just an act, because I really do like her!

    Usually people wouldn't have this problem, because if your parents have already found you someone pretty early, you probably wouldn't actually meet them this early before getting married - but it's just coincidental that it happened.

    So, are there any suggestions as to how to tackle the situation? I mean I could just not talk to her for a few years, but I don't think that'd be very nice for either of us. Or I could just converse with her on a very "just-a-friend" basis, even though that'd be really strange, because we'd both know that we were suppressing our true feelings, and just putting on an overly formal persona in front of each other - she wouldn't be the girl I really know, and I wouldn't be the guy she really knows. Or I could just carry on talking to her the way I do, in which case I'd be being overly suggestive with someone who, at the moment, is far too young for me, and it just feels so odd!
    The thing is, I don't want to end up putting her off me either

    Any suggestions as to what I should do then? :confused:
    just carry on and try to get over the oddness - you're going to be married to her eventually so the fact that shes 16 at the moment shouldn't make a difference in my opinion
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    I have a friend who flew over from Pakistan when she was 16 to the UK with her now husband who I think was 21 at the time.
    She's now 19 and they seem to be happily married, when she arrived she started living with him and I think there weren't any problems. As long as you take into account that she does need space to grow up and let her do so for several years to come then I don't think there is a problem.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    The other strange thing is that, even though we're really attached to each other now, and like each other a lot personality wise, I'm not physically attracted to her at all at the moment, for kind of obvious reasons. I'm sure that won't be a problem when we're older, but at the moment it does make things rather awkward. If she asks me "how do I look?" or something like that, well there are so many nice things a guy could say to a girl in that situation, but I feel like I can't really say any of them, because it'd be weird, and also because I'd be lying straight through my teeth. The simple reality is that she looks like a child =/
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    you just need to keep talking with her and i dont see why you cant keep it non-sexual for now. plus dont you think it would be actually better if you were friends first and got to know eachother a lot more and become closer before you get married and have to incorporate the physical side of a relationship? my mum was 16 when she married by dad and get this my dad is 11 years older-yes he was a 27 year old marrying a 16 year old girl!
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    Marry someone you love. :awesome:
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Cicerao)
    Marry someone you love. :awesome:
    Erm... that's what I'm doing? :confused:
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Erm... that's what I'm doing? :confused:
    I've only actually met fairly recently[...]at the moment it just feels really weird, wrong and awkward when I'm talking to her. Like if she flirts with me, it just feels SO wrong to flirt back, or anything like that, bcause she's just a kid!
    ? B|
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Cicerao)
    ? B|
    OK, by "fairly recently" I mean about a year ago. Recently in comparison to how long ago the thing was planned.

    And it just feels weird to talk in a certain way with her, or about certain things, just because of the age at the moment.
    I mean if I put that out of my mind and behave completely naturally, everything's perfectly fine. It's just that whenever I remember the fact that she's only 16, I just feel like I shouldn't be talking to her like that.

    It doesn't mean I don't want to go ahead with it, she's not going to be 16 forever! And we're really emotionally attached and get on perfectly well enough to get married - I personally wouldn't want to have it any other way, and I don't think she would either (or at least I hope not).
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    16? C'mon... Girls are beginning to grow tities at the age of 12 these days. Stop with the age stereotyping where if she was 18, it would be fine, but at 17 shes only a little tiny innocent girl. It's amusing.

    Age has nothing to do with this, look at her face, look at the tits and look at the ass, if its all grown up, then BAM! shes old enough.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    welll this is really meh to me

    however it's fine, she's 16 and thus mature enough hopefully, and seems mature enough to be with a 21 year old.

    though i am a fan of age gaps if the girl is mature enough.
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    I think you should stop worrying and go ahead and marry her if you like her. 16 is not too young and it shouldn't be awkward. You just think it's awkward and making it awkward yourself because of the way society has conditioned you.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Casse)
    I think you should stop worrying and go ahead and marry her if you like her. 16 is not too young and it shouldn't be awkward. You just think it's awkward and making it awkward yourself because of the way society has conditioned you.
    Well I wasn't going to marry her now, but wait until she's finished university, which will probably be in about 6 or 7 years, seeing as she wants to do Medicine. By that time there'd probably be no problem. I just don't really know what to do until then.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    As soon as she hits 17 or 18 you'll get over the age thing. For now, if it is making you slightly uncomfortable, perhaps play the friend role a little more. Keep it light and fun.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: February 7, 2010
Poll
Do protests make a difference in political decisions?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.