Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

I just met my ex... I almost fainted watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    After having split up five months ago, I just saw my ex girlfriend. We're both in our mid twenties and were very close with a very strong bonding since we've first met. We never fought, and just enjoyed spending time together very much. We were both completely happy and had major long-term plans (you could call it engaged without having talked about it - where to live, when to get kids, how many etc.). Then she went to see her family for two weeks and split up with me the day she came back. She argued she couldn't see any long-term potential with me and her family and our different cultures (she's British Chinese). She told me that remain being friends wouldn't work and ended the contact, though she was clearly still in love with me (I doubt her parents told her to, she denied it and I do got a feeling when she's talking the truth - she believed it herself. And had doubts, but decided that way). It was a very hard time for me afterwards, she was and is the first person I really loved and I really saw in her the partner for the rest of my life. Even besides feelings, our interests, characteristics, behaviour fit together very, very well.

    And then I suddenly met her today when doing sports. I saw her before she saw me and felt quite bad. I walked past her and hoped for eye contact, at least to say hello. She continued starting somewhere and I wasn't sure if she hadn't seen me or if she ignored me. So I went to her five minutes later and said hello. She completely ignored me and continued starting to the other direction. A friend of her looked a bit irritated (what else would you do?), so I said goodbye and went away. The time afterwards was a pain and I was dizzy and close to a blackout. I stopped doing any physical activity and got back home.

    I'm so down. Sad. Confused. Angry (at the situation, not her). Ignoring me is the easiest thing for her to cope with it, that's why she ended the contact in the first place. She just thinks avoiding a situation makes it go away (this is her only characteristic I wasn't completely fond off). So I understand why she acted that way. But I cannot deal with it.

    Whatever others say, we were meant to be with each other. I'm not a religious person, by the way. I loved her. I still love her, but differently. Let's say I will never forget her and would always help her if she asked me to. But I would most likely avoid a relationship with her now. She hurt me too much (if I was less stable this might have ended in a more dramatic way...). She was the first person ever I've opened up to (no mother, non-emotional relationship to my father, prior relationships were barely friendships compared to this one). And she did the same (Chinese parents...).

    What to do? I have some assignments coming up at uni so I have to go there tomorrow and in the next days. It's crucial. Else I'd just stay in bed for a couple of days. And the only person I could talk to that is around at the moment is a good female friend. We're somewhere between a friendship and relationship (I like her and she clearly likes me back), so this is not an option. She doesn't know much about my former relationship anyway. I avoided it so far because she'd have seen in my eyes how much it hurt me. And she'd think I'm not over her. I am not. But not in a "relationship sense". My ex is more like... a sister to me now. Physical intimacy with her doesn't excite me much anymore (except for a hug). I want her to appreciate me. I want to help her. I want... no, I need her approval. That I'm worth anything. The way she treated me, I didn't deserve this. I'm still unsure whether to avoid her for the rest of my life because it would make her feel better or try to get in touch again. Except for her wish to never see me again.

    Sorry. This makes less and less sense, I suppose. I'm just very down and don't know what to do. This encounter now made any future interaction impossible, I suppose. I wanted to write her a letter in the next months, offering a meeting and having contact again, whenever in life she's like to do so. And now she closed this door with her behaviour today.

    Any advice?
    • #2
    #2

    Grow a penis please

    Theres so many more fish in the sea
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    What to do? I have some assignments coming up at uni so I have to go there tomorrow and in the next days. It's crucial. Else I'd just stay in bed for a couple of days. And the only person I could talk to that is around at the moment is a good female friend. We're somewhere between a friendship and relationship (I like her and she clearly likes me back), so this is not an option. She doesn't know much about my former relationship anyway. I avoided it so far because she'd have seen in my eyes how much it hurt me. And she'd think I'm not over her. I am not. But not in a "relationship sense". My ex is more like... a sister to me now. Physical intimacy with her doesn't excite me much anymore (except for a hug). I want her to appreciate me. I want to help her. I want... no, I need her approval. That I'm worth anything. The way she treated me, I didn't deserve this. I'm still unsure whether to avoid her for the rest of my life because it would make her feel better or try to get in touch again. Except for her wish to never see me again.
    Yes, I can see how that might put a damper on proceedings.
    • PS Helper
    Offline

    14
    PS Helper
    **hug** no idea how to help, but ignore anon 2 and hope you work things out soon!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Sounds Like A Biatch, Just Ignoring You Like That
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by rainbowbex)
    **hug** no idea how to help, but ignore anon 2 and hope you work things out soon!
    Thank you. I had hope that things could work out between us in the future. And this hope was crushed today. She...

    Oh, well. I have to move on, of course. I did so for the most part already, but things boiled up again when I saw her. And especially when she ignored me in this way.

    To let it go... What have others done? Time helps, of course...
    • #3
    #3

    I feel so sorry for OP.
    Don't worry, we all go through such situations, including me.
    I know how it hurts, but it will stop one day.
    It took me 2,5 years to get over in a proper sense, though in my heart & mind memories will stay forever, and deep inside in my soul I'll always love him.
    There's nothing you can do now, your story is over. That's life.. It was beauitful, but it's over, it wont come back. Be grateful to God that it happened to you anyway, many people live for ages not knowing with love is. You do. You're blessed.

    Good luck !
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I feel so sorry for OP.
    Don't worry, we all go through such situations, including me.
    I know how it hurts, but it will stop one day.
    It took me 2,5 years to get over in a proper sense, though in my heart & mind memories will stay forever, and deep inside in my soul I'll always love him.
    There's nothing you can do now, your story is over. That's life.. It was beauitful, but it's over, it wont come back. Be grateful to God that it happened to you anyway, many people live for ages not knowing with love is. You do. You're blessed.

    Good luck !
    Thanks for your understanding.

    I've been thinking about this for a longer time. I had the best time of my life with her - by far. But the memory alone made me wish to not having experienced it. It's just cruel. What are the odds to meet someone again that you don't only fall in love with at this deep level, but that is also so "compatible" to you...

    Thanks even more for your bluntness. It's what I have to hear. It's over and I cannot do anything about it. She could try... but never will. For reasons I will never understand.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    Shes being a ***** let her go. She unnesserly ignored you point blank, I mean, what a think to do ..... : (
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by rainbowbex)
    **hug** no idea how to help, but ignore anon 2 and hope you work things out soon!
    This is a very nice post and very supportive, however I'd suggest not ignoring anon-2 because he speaks the truth. I'm going to be honest OK, not rude though (there is a difference between honest and rude). Grow a pair, tell her to f**k off and wait until you meet someone else. I know this is hard because you clearly still like her, but there is someone else out there who you will like even more (and who will appericiate you more).

    Take care.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    Does she come from a religious background?

    Why not try talking to one of her friends or mutual friends (that you can trust) to do a bit of investigating and find out why she went all cold turkey on you? It might not bring you back together, but atleast you'll get a bit of closure.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    What a vomit inducing thread.

    There are what? over 3 billion other women out there? To think that you won't ever find compatability with anyone else is madness.

    Stop being such a whiner and get yourself out there. Life's too short.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I was reading recently how some cultures...

    this grammar isn't going anywhere

    That some peoples' culture leads them to end relationships abruptly if there's significant family/ situational issues (as you've described) without warning...

    In a way it makes sense, I mean unless the two of you can support yourselves, they may have just had to listen to & fall back into their family network...
    • #4
    #4

    oh dear.

    you must be in a pretty bad state to post everything on TSR.

    What you wanna do is forget about her, go on Askmen.com
    There is some good "get over her" advice on there somewhere.

    From experience I can tell you that you cannot expect to forget everything, it is always there but it is less significant over time.

    Just remember that you are a man. Don't get bogged down with emotions, you are better than that. Plus you are wasting time on the past when you should be concentrating on your present girlfriend.

    Sort it out.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by mathperson)
    This is a very nice post and very supportive, however I'd suggest not ignoring anon-2 because he speaks the truth. I'm going to be honest OK, not rude though (there is a difference between honest and rude). Grow a pair, tell her to f**k off and wait until you meet someone else. I know this is hard because you clearly still like her, but there is someone else out there who you will like even more (and who will appreciate you more).

    Take care.
    The bold part is the important one, I believe. The way she acted is what has hurt me even more than the decision itself. It is her way of doing things, and I can accept that to an extent but that doesn't mean she couldn't have adapted a bit.

    However, she probably thinks that ending the contact completely in the way it happened would be the easiest way for me as well. She indicated that this was her experience - talking about things doesn't have any benefit. Obviously, I disagree...

    (Original post by ACDC)
    Does she come from a religious background?

    Why not try talking to one of her friends or mutual friends (that you can trust) to do a bit of investigating and find out why she went all cold turkey on you? It might not bring you back together, but atleast you'll get a bit of closure.
    Not a religious background as far as I know, but she thinks that she owes her parents much/everything and would probably decided in favour of them and against me, though they didn't even know about me or wouldn't have had a problem with me.

    I cannot talk to any of her friends because she doesn't talk about private things with anyone - until I came into her life. She opened up, slow, but steadily... Her closest friends know that we were close and that it ended abruptly, but I seriously doubt she has told any of them her reasons. And it doesn't even matter.



    (Original post by semiotically)
    That some peoples' culture leads them to end relationships abruptly if there's significant family/ situational issues (as you've described) without warning...
    Yes, I've heard about this a couple of times, this clearly seems to be (at least) an East Asian thing. The only problems that could have occurred could have been happened would have been solvable, though she believed otherwise.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    This is one of those times.. where only time can heal.

    FYI.. when you do heal do not get back with her
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: February 7, 2010
Poll
Do you agree with the PM's proposal to cut tuition fees for some courses?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.