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staying a virgin until marriage.. watch

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    Only recently have I decided to do this - when I was younger I had no problem with the idea of having pre-marital sex or even children out of wedlock - but now I'm mid-teens my views on the subject have grown pretty strong

    My reasons behind this decision aren't solely based on religious reasons - also as a result of conversations with my ill grandad - who I'm determined to keep my promise to - in remaining a virgin until I'm a married woman - and finally I also see it as a challenge for myself - and any potential 'husband to be' - if he respects me enough and if i respect myself enough then I'll be pleased in keeping my promise

    in terms of peer pressure, most people I know are under the false belief that I've had sex already - I still get drunk, go out, mix with lads - some who are considerably older than me - perhaps why people believe I've had sex already!
    This is one of the reasons I think I'll be so proud when I lose my virginity on my wedding night - the fact that I've (without sounding full of myself) - had offers from many men and been able to say no and turn them down

    Basically- enough of the rambling background info :o: – I was just wondering if anyone here IS saving or HAS saved themselves for marriage? And whether it had positive or negative effects on your relationship?
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    I hate this 'its all about respect' ...... blah blah blah. Its not a case of respect, if it were, then surely a guy who wants sex should dump you for you not respecting what he wants??

    Its really about people having the same views, not respect. If your in the UK, then you'll find the vast majority of people do not want to wait until marraige so you'll have your work cut out finding someone. My only advice would be to ensure you find yourself one of these few strongly religious guys. Any normal, none religious, male WILL WANT SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE, and will end up re-senting you after a few months. Ok, so you've had offers, they won't stick around though, they will most likely ALL be hoping to be the one to bed you, although will get fed up of trying and failing after a month or two. Nicer guys will hold the resentment in longer, but eventually he will explode and it'll end up in a huge argument resulting in him dumping you.

    And back to your original question. Yes, i know of 3 women (no guys surprisingly) that are all saving themselves for marriage (they are all catholic), 2 in their late twenties, one in their 40's. They are ALL single and have never had a relationship lasting more than a few months. So it depends on what you consider positive / negative effects. I'd say negative.
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    Read On Chesil Beach and be very careful when it does come to your wedding...

    Are you not worried the pain will spoil it or it won't be as good as you hoped?

    I know someone trying it for the sake of this girl (who he isn't even dating yet :rolleyes:) so we'll see how that goes.
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    also as a result of conversations with my ill grandad - who I'm determined to keep my promise to
    Don't you find it even a little bit creepy that your grandfather has an expressed interest in your virginity...?
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    meh i know loads of people that are doing it, and have been in a relationship with a few of them

    personally i dont think it matters as long as when you get into the relationship you make it clear to the guy what your views are. if he's a good guy he'll respect them. although i would say expect to push him away once or twice because well drunkness/hornyness occasionally overides self control.
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    I can respect that
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    I don't think it's your grandfather's business whether or not you have sex- and challenging yourself for the sake of it is a bit silly in my opinion. Also- you ought to know whether your boyfriend respects you already- you shouldn't and can't rely on whether or not he has sex with you as an indication of respect. I also think the moral worth of your decision shouldn't have anything to do with whether boys want to have sex with you or not.

    I personally think it is a problem that people have casual sex as much as they do and respect people who stand up for any beliefs that go against the norm- but I don't really think any of your reasons are all that valid.

    I think it could have a negative effect because, as people said, you might struggle to find boys who feel the same way. if you do find someone- then good for you- I think the expectation that people all have sex in relationships has a negative effect- I would prefer it to be out of the equation, even though I have had sex and might well want to again.

    I do actually know a boy who's in a serious relationship (christian, very christian girlfriend)- she doesn't believe in sex before marriage and he doesn't as long as he's with her (he admits she's the reason for his conversion to christianity and his abstention from sex). But its very rare.
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    I would only do this if I knew the person I was going to marry was doing this as well.

    I'll probably have sex before marriage though.
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    (Original post by UKguy29)
    I hate this 'its all about respect' ...... blah blah blah. Its not a case of respect, if it were, then surely a guy who wants sex should dump you for you not respecting what he wants??

    Its really about people having the same views, not respect. If your in the UK, then you'll find the vast majority of people do not want to wait until marraige so you'll have your work cut out finding someone. My only advice would be to ensure you find yourself one of these few strongly religious guys. Any normal, none religious, male WILL WANT SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE, and will end up re-senting you after a few months. Ok, so you've had offers, they won't stick around though, they will most likely ALL be hoping to be the one to bed you, although will get fed up of trying and failing after a month or two. Nicer guys will hold the resentment in longer, but eventually he will explode and it'll end up in a huge argument resulting in him dumping you.

    And back to your original question. Yes, i know of 3 women (no guys surprisingly) that are all saving themselves for marriage (they are all catholic), 2 in their late twenties, one in their 40's. They are ALL single and have never had a relationship lasting more than a few months. So it depends on what you consider positive / negative effects. I'd say negative.

    You can't just say that the respect people talk about is imaginary.

    I think you're generalising too much- maybe you're talking about yourself or your friends and not the general male population. People's views towards sex before marriage are different and whether or not a guy will respect a girl more for saving herself depends on that person, but my experience contrasts directly to yours- all my friends plan to save themselves for marriage, and the majority of them are doing it, not for religious reasons, but because they want the guy to respect them.

    Anyway OP...good on you, its hard to do esp if youve got loads of 'offers' lol
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    (Original post by UKguy29)
    I hate this 'its all about respect' ...... blah blah blah. Its not a case of respect, if it were, then surely a guy who wants sex should dump you for you not respecting what he wants??

    Its really about people having the same views, not respect. If your in the UK, then you'll find the vast majority of people do not want to wait until marraige so you'll have your work cut out finding someone. My only advice would be to ensure you find yourself one of these few strongly religious guys. Any normal, none religious, male WILL WANT SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE, and will end up re-senting you after a few months. Ok, so you've had offers, they won't stick around though, they will most likely ALL be hoping to be the one to bed you, although will get fed up of trying and failing after a month or two. Nicer guys will hold the resentment in longer, but eventually he will explode and it'll end up in a huge argument resulting in him dumping you.

    And back to your original question. Yes, i know of 3 women (no guys surprisingly) that are all saving themselves for marriage (they are all catholic), 2 in their late twenties, one in their 40's. They are ALL single and have never had a relationship lasting more than a few months. So it depends on what you consider positive / negative effects. I'd say negative.
    Does that mean every guy who doesn't believe in sex before marriage isn't normal?

    :eyeball:
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    Usually ends in early marriage due to sexual frustration, which leads on to divorce, making the whole idea pointless.
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    Personally I think it's sacrificing a really intimate and valuable part of a relationship for a sort of abstract and intangible reason. I think it's quite selfish to withold sex from a partner until marriage as a simple test to him or yourself, or just to feel "proud that you can turn down loads of men" at the end of it.
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    well im not so much saving myself just not having sex at all whether married or not

    i dont judge those that do save themselves though
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    TSR Support Team
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Only recently have I decided to do this - when I was younger I had no problem with the idea of having pre-marital sex or even children out of wedlock - but now I'm mid-teens my views on the subject have grown pretty strong

    My reasons behind this decision aren't solely based on religious reasons - also as a result of conversations with my ill grandad - who I'm determined to keep my promise to - in remaining a virgin until I'm a married woman - and finally I also see it as a challenge for myself - and any potential 'husband to be' - if he respects me enough and if i respect myself enough then I'll be pleased in keeping my promise

    in terms of peer pressure, most people I know are under the false belief that I've had sex already - I still get drunk, go out, mix with lads - some who are considerably older than me - perhaps why people believe I've had sex already!
    This is one of the reasons I think I'll be so proud when I lose my virginity on my wedding night - the fact that I've (without sounding full of myself) - had offers from many men and been able to say no and turn them down

    Basically- enough of the rambling background info :o: – I was just wondering if anyone here IS saving or HAS saved themselves for marriage? And whether it had positive or negative effects on your relationship?
    Get over yourself.
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    (Original post by tinktinktinkerbell)
    well im not so much saving myself just not having sex at all whether married or not
    are you allergic or something?
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    If your gonna go through and stick to this aspect of your religion and remain a virgin until marriage, then why on earth are you socialising with guys and getting drunk, which I presume are also against your religion?
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    (Original post by ourlastmemory)
    Personally I think it's sacrificing a really intimate and valuable part of a relationship for a sort of abstract and intangible reason. I think it's quite selfish to withold sex from a partner until marriage as a simple test to him or yourself, or just to feel "proud that you can turn down loads of men" at the end of it.
    This. Sex is a basic human urge, and an important part of a relationship, and I don't see why getting married would suddenly mean that it is now 'okay' to have sex?
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    (Original post by liamski1111)
    are you allergic or something?

    nope
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    Good for you
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    there is nothing wrong with doing that, infact, you can garuntee that you wont get any STDs, and also, I would respect a girl more who was a virgin as it shows her self control, etc. than one who has had about a million different partners.
 
 
 
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