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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Only recently have I decided to do this - when I was younger I had no problem with the idea of having pre-marital sex or even children out of wedlock - but now I'm mid-teens my views on the subject have grown pretty strong

    My reasons behind this decision aren't solely based on religious reasons - also as a result of conversations with my ill grandad - who I'm determined to keep my promise to - in remaining a virgin until I'm a married woman - and finally I also see it as a challenge for myself - and any potential 'husband to be' - if he respects me enough and if i respect myself enough then I'll be pleased in keeping my promise

    in terms of peer pressure, most people I know are under the false belief that I've had sex already - I still get drunk, go out, mix with lads - some who are considerably older than me - perhaps why people believe I've had sex already!
    This is one of the reasons I think I'll be so proud when I lose my virginity on my wedding night - the fact that I've (without sounding full of myself) - had offers from many men and been able to say no and turn them down

    Basically- enough of the rambling background info :o: – I was just wondering if anyone here IS saving or HAS saved themselves for marriage? And whether it had positive or negative effects on your relationship?
    So you're willing to be sexually repressed at the hands of a male relative?

    Sorry. But that sounds odd.

    And are you also implying that girls who have sex before marriage dont 'respect' themselves?
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    i do respect what ur saying but i dont recommend you continue with this 'challenge' for yourself to be honest. I think it is always wrong to plan when you are or are not going to have sex for he first time.It should be spontaneous- then it is perfect. If the mood is right and ur ready and u love the person and would be prepared to be with them forever then go with the moment and u will have a great, intimate first time. It is also regrettable if you lead the guy on [very easy to do] then reject them last minute- totally kills mood and often relationship if it happens a lot. You can still feel as though u have respected your grandfather's wishes if when you meet someone, you wait for a long time. I waited a year before I did with my boyfriend.

    Also, the first time you have sex it isnt often the most wonderful experience and waiting all that time until the wedding night, imagining how great it will be can be setting urself up for disappointment, which can lead to resentment of your partner.

    But if you do decide to do this, just don't make it a steadfast thing and make a huge deal about it or it could really interfere with life and relationships.
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    You know, I made a thread about this similar topic a couple of months ago, if you want a look: http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...er+marriage%3F

    What I've decided is that, I will just go with the flow of things, and only save it for a serious relationship at least, no casual sex with randomers. If you wanna wait till marriage then good on you, but you may find it hard to find someone who is also a virgin and waiting. But good luck though.
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    I'm waiting until marriage, for religious reasons. I can't say it has been a major problem in my life, but I haven't been in a relationship so haven't really had the pressure of somebody wanting to sleep with me. Saying that, I think you may find that many guys of the same religion may have slept with somebody.
    Quick question - would you prefer a husband who is a virgin? Personally, if I have waited until marriage, then I wouldn't want some other girl's used goods.
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    Good for you. I intend to do the same thing. If more people were like you the world would be a far better place.
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    (Original post by SHABANA)
    I'm waiting until marriage, for religious reasons. I can't say it has been a major problem in my life, but I haven't been in a relationship so haven't really had the pressure of somebody wanting to sleep with me. Saying that, I think you may find that many guys of the same religion may have slept with somebody.
    Quick question - would you prefer a husband who is a virgin? Personally, if I have waited until marriage, then I wouldn't want some other girl's used goods.
    U forget that u may also want to sleep with the person if u fancy them :p:
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    I love how it's always the sexually active people who have a major problem with this even though it's quite obvious that it's none of their business. IF you want sex out of someone and they don't want to give it up, then go find someone else. Just be prepared to be looked upon as someone who cares only about the sex and not about just the feeling of being with that person (which is the usual reaction, I'm not pulling this outta my ass). However, if someone is doing this just for the attention of "woo you're a strong person to be able to withstand all this" then yeah, that's not the point of abstinence.

    Her grandfather taking an expressed interest in her virginity isn't as weird as a random old man taking an interest. It's family, and it makes sense that her grandfather was interested because we all know the old-fashioned (sometimes justified) way of thinking of our elders. If the OP wants to take this challenge on, then let her. Don't hope for her to fail and whatnot, because I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate someone else hoping you fail at something (not necessarily even the same thing)

    I myself am not waiting for marriage, but am not sexually active. I have been with my boyfriend for just over two years now. It's just all about meeting the right person who values wanting to be with you more than just wanting to be in you.
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    (Original post by Straightpath)
    If your gonna go through and stick to this aspect of your religion and remain a virgin until marriage, then why on earth are you socialising with guys and getting drunk, which I presume are also against your religion?

    I don't think she's muslim:confused:
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    its because marriage and close human relationships i.e. love is nothing to do with sex
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    I think the whole purity movement is wrong, just plain wrong and can be regressive and negative, I cba to put all the reasons here but pm me if you are interested.

    But obviously I respect what other people do, it's their choice etc.
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    And OP don't listen to all the negative people on here. If that's your choice that's your own business.
    Only because the negative people on here were drunk or naive to lose it at 13, had rubbish times and slept with anything that moved doesn't make you strange in anyway.
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    (Original post by ourlastmemory)
    Personally I think it's sacrificing a really intimate and valuable part of a relationship for a sort of abstract and intangible reason. I think it's quite selfish to withold sex from a partner until marriage as a simple test to him or yourself, or just to feel "proud that you can turn down loads of men" at the end of it.
    :ditto:

    if you want to test yourself why not give it up for lent or something? :rolleyes:
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    I'm didn't save my virginity for marriage, but good luck to you, it sounds as if you're doing it for the right reasons
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    Big Up to u!!!
    Well done! go for it
    I wanted to do it...but sadly i failed miserably


    All the best!

    Im a guy by the way, so 4 me to say this, it takes quite a lot
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    (Original post by orangejuiceoj)
    U forget that u may also want to sleep with the person if u fancy them :p:
    LOL. Well, I have obviously fancied people but not so much that I would want to sleep with them...it's like, the people I don't know personally will be the ones I find physically attractive, and guys which I do know personally (not that many) will just be friends. I just find it more romantic that the person I choose to sleep with would be the one I've chosen to spend the rest of my life with.
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    I don't believe in marriage, and thus don't see why one should wait for it.
    What i do believe is waiting for your first time to be with someone you really love, not just a random guy.
    But then we all have different opinions.
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    (Original post by Indieboohoo)
    And OP don't listen to all the negative people on here. If that's your choice that's your own business.
    Only because the negative people on here were drunk or naive to lose it at 13, had rubbish times and slept with anything that moved doesn't make you strange in anyway.
    If she didn't want opinions then why make a thread at all? If she wanted it to be her own business then why publicise her sexual habits/beliefs?

    No it isn't anybody's business to judge other people's sex lives, which is exactly why people react so badly to the "I'm so self respecting and you're not" morally pompous attitude that comes across (often) from these abstinence types.

    OP.. if you don't want to have sex before marriage, that's great. If you stand up for what you're sexually comfortable with, that's great. But some people are sexually comfortable with sex before marriage, and that doesn't make their self respect or sexual achievement any less than yours.


    I think sex should be a personal decision. If you resist pressure to be promiscuous (when you do not wish to be promiscuous) then that is an achievement, but it is just as much an achievement to resist pressure to be abstinent (if you do not wish to be abstinent). If you've gone about sex in a way that makes you feel happy/valuable (and is safe) then you have succeeded, whether that means sleeping with one person or 100 people.
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    I congradulate the OP on your principled stance on this issue, well done. We need more people like you in the world
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    (Original post by UKguy29)
    I hate this 'its all about respect' ...... blah blah blah. Its not a case of respect, if it were, then surely a guy who wants sex should dump you for you not respecting what he wants??

    Its really about people having the same views, not respect. If your in the UK, then you'll find the vast majority of people do not want to wait until marraige so you'll have your work cut out finding someone. My only advice would be to ensure you find yourself one of these few strongly religious guys. Any normal, none religious, male WILL WANT SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE, and will end up re-senting you after a few months. Ok, so you've had offers, they won't stick around though, they will most likely ALL be hoping to be the one to bed you, although will get fed up of trying and failing after a month or two. Nicer guys will hold the resentment in longer, but eventually he will explode and it'll end up in a huge argument resulting in him dumping you.

    And back to your original question. Yes, i know of 3 women (no guys surprisingly) that are all saving themselves for marriage (they are all catholic), 2 in their late twenties, one in their 40's. They are ALL single and have never had a relationship lasting more than a few months. So it depends on what you consider positive / negative effects. I'd say negative.
    I totally agree with this.
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    Would you buy a car without taking it for a test drive?
 
 
 
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