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staying a virgin until marriage.. watch

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    Yeah I'm trying to give it a go also. So far so good (considering I'm at Uni)even though I've had several moments of temptation. Ideally I would like to wait until I'm married too but if I'm in a long term relationship with someone who, no doubt, loves and respects me then I wouldn't beat my self up if I did loose it to them. The guys you can trust are the ones who don't keep hinting at your virginity. Don't go advertising it though because there are a lot of guys out there who see virgins as an exciting challenge. At the end of the day I don't think any less of people who have pre-marital sex, its not my business but I would like to see how long I can wait. Good luck with it
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    (Original post by Indieboohoo)
    And OP don't listen to all the negative people on here. If that's your choice that's your own business.
    Only because the negative people on here were drunk or naive to lose it at 13, had rubbish times and slept with anything that moved doesn't make you strange in anyway.
    That's a pretty ridiculous statement, not everyone who has sex before marriage lost their virginity in a drunken state. If people want to 'save themselves for marriage' then go for it, but surely sexuality is part of being human? Isn't that at least part of what sets us apart from other animals? Denying yourself sex for reasons of self respect seems somewhat delusional to me. If you have enough self respect then you have the ability to make choices about who you sleep with. Just because you have sex for pleasure doesn't mean you're degrading yourself; although I'm sure some self righteous people will tell me that sexual gratification is wrong.

    Whatever people do is their choice, but if somebody chooses to post on a public forum about their decision to not have sex before marriage then they have to expect some people to have the opposite opinion.
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    (Original post by UKguy29)

    Its really about people having the same views, not respect. If your in the UK, then you'll find the vast majority of people do not want to wait until marraige so you'll have your work cut out finding someone. My only advice would be to ensure you find yourself one of these few strongly religious guys. Any normal, none religious, male WILL WANT SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE, and will end up re-senting you after a few months. Ok, so you've had offers, they won't stick around though, they will most likely ALL be hoping to be the one to bed you, although will get fed up of trying and failing after a month or two. Nicer guys will hold the resentment in longer, but eventually he will explode and it'll end up in a huge argument resulting in him dumping you.

    .

    my bf must be a really REALLY nice guy then since hes gone 8 and a half years, not to to mention the 4 years before me he went without having it:yep:
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    (Original post by BeanofJelly)
    If she didn't want opinions then why make a thread at all? If she wanted it to be her own business then why publicise her sexual habits/beliefs?

    No it isn't anybody's business to judge other people's sex lives, which is exactly why people react so badly to the "I'm so self respecting and you're not" morally pompous attitude that comes across (often) from these abstinence types.

    OP.. if you don't want to have sex before marriage, that's great. If you stand up for what you're sexually comfortable with, that's great. But some people are sexually comfortable with sex before marriage, and that doesn't make their self respect or sexual achievement any less than yours.
    It's ok to ask opinions to see what people think but people don't need to call the OP names for her own choice.
    There's nothing wrong with having sex before marriage or after and the OP shouldn't have made out that she's better than others because she thinks she'll get more respect. But I felt a bit sorry for her because everyone was being negative.
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    (Original post by UKguy29)
    I hate this 'its all about respect' ...... blah blah blah. Its not a case of respect, if it were, then surely a guy who wants sex should dump you for you not respecting what he wants??

    Its really about people having the same views, not respect. If your in the UK, then you'll find the vast majority of people do not want to wait until marraige so you'll have your work cut out finding someone. My only advice would be to ensure you find yourself one of these few strongly religious guys. Any normal, none religious, male WILL WANT SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE, and will end up re-senting you after a few months. Ok, so you've had offers, they won't stick around though, they will most likely ALL be hoping to be the one to bed you, although will get fed up of trying and failing after a month or two. Nicer guys will hold the resentment in longer, but eventually he will explode and it'll end up in a huge argument resulting in him dumping you.

    And back to your original question. Yes, i know of 3 women (no guys surprisingly) that are all saving themselves for marriage (they are all catholic), 2 in their late twenties, one in their 40's. They are ALL single and have never had a relationship lasting more than a few months. So it depends on what you consider positive / negative effects. I'd say negative.
    I dislike the way this post seems to imply that religious men are abnormal, thats just untrue:stupid:
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    (Original post by FieldLeftBlank)
    Would you buy a car without taking it for a test drive?
    Would you use a used condom? :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by ~Rose~)
    That's a pretty ridiculous statement, not everyone who has sex before marriage lost their virginity in a drunken state. If people want to 'save themselves for marriage' then go for it, but surely sexuality is part of being human? Isn't that at least part of what sets us apart from other animals? Denying yourself sex for reasons of self respect seems somewhat delusional to me. If you have enough self respect then you have the ability to make choices about who you sleep with. Just because you have sex for pleasure doesn't mean you're degrading yourself; although I'm sure some self righteous people will tell me that sexual gratification is wrong.

    Whatever people do is their choice, but if somebody chooses to post on a public forum about their decision to not have sex before marriage then they have to expect some people to have the opposite opinion.
    Read my second post
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    (Original post by FieldLeftBlank)
    Would you buy a car without taking it for a test drive?
    Of course not - the main purpose of a car is to drive it. If the car doesn't drive well, I don't want it.

    I suppose for some people, the main purpose of a partner is sex, and if the partner isn't good at sex, then they don't want them.
    I'm very glad to say I'm not one of those people

    (Plus, a car can't really 'learn to drive better' the more you use it)
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    I personally have sex, but I recognise it as a completely personal choice. I think the people on here saying the OP is 'repressed' are as bad as the people that they are making OP out to be. The best argument, put forward by one of my best friends who is abstinent, is the idea that the sexual aspect of a relationship goes after a relatively short amount of time. If you marry for life then chances are you will eventually stop finding your partner sexually attractive. If you haven't had sex before you got married, then you know that the relationship is based on a hell of a lot more than sex, that you really are best friends rather than people who just found each other really attractive (although obviously that is important too).

    For me, I don't see why you can't achieve that AND have sex, so long as you really are a very strong couple. But if that's the way someone feels, well one half of the relationship isn't going to be liking it. People saying she should be pleasing a potential boyfriend by having sex when she doesn't want to ought to be ashamed of themselves. If she changes her mind, she can do that. And if she doesn't, who cares? She's happy.
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    maybe your grandad would be happier if you didnt go out and get drunk all the time :|

    just a thought
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    (Original post by didgeridoo12uk)
    meh i know loads of people that are doing it, and have been in a relationship with a few of them
    (Original post by didgeridoo12uk)

    personally i dont think it matters as long as when you get into the relationship you make it clear to the guy what your views are. if he's a good guy he'll respect them. although i would say expect to push him away once or twice because well drunkness/hornyness occasionally overides self control.
    Lol, yes, so you finished with them all then ??
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    (Original post by UKguy29)
    I hate this 'its all about respect' ...... blah blah blah. Its not a case of respect, if it were, then surely a guy who wants sex should dump you for you not respecting what he wants??

    Its really about people having the same views, not respect. If your in the UK, then you'll find the vast majority of people do not want to wait until marraige so you'll have your work cut out finding someone. My only advice would be to ensure you find yourself one of these few strongly religious guys. Any normal, none religious, male WILL WANT SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE, and will end up re-senting you after a few months. Ok, so you've had offers, they won't stick around though, they will most likely ALL be hoping to be the one to bed you, although will get fed up of trying and failing after a month or two. Nicer guys will hold the resentment in longer, but eventually he will explode and it'll end up in a huge argument resulting in him dumping you.

    And back to your original question. Yes, i know of 3 women (no guys surprisingly) that are all saving themselves for marriage (they are all catholic), 2 in their late twenties, one in their 40's. They are ALL single and have never had a relationship lasting more than a few months. So it depends on what you consider positive / negative effects. I'd say negative.

    lol not giving into a guys want for sex doesn't mean you don't respect his want for sex (if it's repsectable lol).. If a girl was teasing him on purpose then fair enough, but not doing what a guy wants isn't the same as pissing all over his beliefs.
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    I thought the majority on TSR were virgins?
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    (Original post by yellowwdaisy)
    I don't think it's your grandfather's business whether or not you have sex- and challenging yourself for the sake of it is a bit silly in my opinion. Also- you ought to know whether your boyfriend respects you already- you shouldn't and can't rely on whether or not he has sex with you as an indication of respect. I also think the moral worth of your decision shouldn't have anything to do with whether boys want to have sex with you or not.

    I personally think it is a problem that people have casual sex as much as they do and respect people who stand up for any beliefs that go against the norm- but I don't really think any of your reasons are all that valid.

    I think it could have a negative effect because, as people said, you might struggle to find boys who feel the same way. if you do find someone- then good for you- I think the expectation that people all have sex in relationships has a negative effect- I would prefer it to be out of the equation, even though I have had sex and might well want to again.

    I do actually know a boy who's in a serious relationship (christian, very christian girlfriend)- she doesn't believe in sex before marriage and he doesn't as long as he's with her (he admits she's the reason for his conversion to christianity and his abstention from sex). But its very rare.

    I bet he's the wettest bloke you can imagine who is only with her as he can't get anyone else. I will admit i was wrong btw, i said in a previous post i didn't know any guys waiting until marriage. I think i do know of one, he is the wettest, geekiest, spottiest, wimpiest guy you have ever seen in your entire life.
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    Yes i am also saving my self, the idea of sleeping around with a couple of men just does not apeal to me. Just like smoking, drinking alchohol just personal beliefs i stick by. I want to lose my virginity to my husband.

    However i have a friends who have been in successful relations, and have had sex with their partners.

    It can work either way, i want to wait till marriage and one of my friends loves getting laid lol shes promiscuious but i don't give a crap thats her personal life and i love her. The other lass i know very well, has been with her man for about 2 years and they are sexually active thats their choice.

    So basically OP there is nothing wrong with it, its just about your individual opinion and beliefs and learning to respect others.
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    (Original post by SHABANA)
    LOL. Well, I have obviously fancied people but not so much that I would want to sleep with them...it's like, the people I don't know personally will be the ones I find physically attractive, and guys which I do know personally (not that many) will just be friends. I just find it more romantic that the person I choose to sleep with would be the one I've chosen to spend the rest of my life with.
    Yeah that is definitely very romantic. I do share similar views to you in the way that I would only sleep with somebody if I feel as though I would be happy to spend the rest of my life with them.
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    I think you will regret your decision, and it will prevent you having as good a relationship as you could. I can't imagine marrying someone having not had any sexual contact with them, as I don't think I'd be close enough to them otherwise. I wouldn't want to marry someone I didn't feel that I knew as well as possible and for that you need to have made love to them. By all means wait until a stable relationship - I've never been in love but people on here who have say it is always better in bed with someone you are truly in love with.

    There is also the issue of sexual compatibility - not all people are sexually compatible, and you really don't want to discover that after marriage. You can say hello to a lot of resentment and a messy divorce. Also, your wedding night will absolutely suck. Losing your virginity is at best an awkward experience, at worst downright painful. You'll probably end up thinking 'is that what I saved myself for?'

    And whoever said about people marrying too quickly because of this, AGREED. A friend of mine is marrying her boyfriend after under a year together, and she is only 19 and on a gap year. I don't think it is a coincidence that they are both born again Christian types who don't believe in sex before marriage (but she's done oral with at least 2 other people). If they didn't have these beliefs, I am 100% sure they would not be getting married so quickly.
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    i respect what you're saying and almost agree with it as i think about it more...
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    (Original post by tea_or_coffee?)
    I dislike the way this post seems to imply that religious men are abnormal, thats just untrue:stupid:
    So your saying people who live their lives by following hte rules of the fairytale bible are sane and normal ??? :top:
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    I suppose it would be more likely to work if you had a religious boyfriend.
 
 
 
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