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staying a virgin until marriage.. watch

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    I think my partner has more respect for me because we have a healthy, loving sex life. That's about the long and short of it. I'm not saying he wouldn't respect me if I wanted to wait until marriage- but it would be kind of nonsensical, since I'm not even sure I support marriage as an institution. But everyone comes from different backgrounds and viewpoints on this. For me, a combination of an arch-feminist mother and being raped when I was younger has led to a voracious need to take control of my sex life and, well, have a lot of it.

    Last year I chose not to have sex again until I was in a committed relationship. Wasn't a virgin (and, half a dozen? Good god would the person above loathe me). It was difficult, and I have a great deal of respect for anyone who chooses to live their life like that. But I completely see the point now. Sex with my partner is infinitely more meaningful and in many ways better than all the sex that went on before I met him, for the very simple reason that in the morning I'm not going to get up and leave. I think in my head that's analogous to waiting until marriage. So, in a very long-winded way, well done you, I guess.
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    (Original post by ~Rose~)
    surely sexuality is part of being human? Isn't that at least part of what sets us apart from other animals? .
    How does sexuality set us apart from animals?!
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    (Original post by Pink Bullets)
    The same way you can respect a man who's had sex with six women, maybe?
    When did I say I respect men who have sex before marriage ...lol weird argument
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    (Original post by prospectivEEconomist)
    How can I respect for a girl whose slept around with half a dozen guys? Are you mad :confused: ?
    What's not to respect? Somebody is doing what they want to and what's natural. So long as they're healthy and happy and safe, who are you to judge what they've done?

    tbph, I do have more respect for people who engage in a healthy sex life - so long as they are safe and comfortable with it - than people who save sex for marriage, but that's probably partly because I don't think that sex should be anything big and special, and partly because I don't believe there's anything particularly magical about marriage, and I think that having a healthy sex life just shows more maturity.
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    (Original post by prospectivEEconomist)
    When did I say I respect men who have sex before marriage ...lol weird argument
    The fact that you specifically commented that you don't respect women who have sex before marriage sort of implies that you respect men who do the same. Why not just say 'people'?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I may actually be one of those rare people who don't want a massive wedding - and besides what's wrong with not living together before marriage? my parents did it - they're still happily married 20+ years later

    when you consider this though - in response to everyone else on here who have been criticising my decision - perhaps I want to stay a virgin until I'm married because my parents, grandparents and so-on have done it.
    I guess it is down to the environment you're brought up in and the beliefs you're taught..
    I was brought up the same way, my parents waited ect and expected me to do the same. That doesn't mean thats the only way to approach the situation. The way I see it it was family pressures that made them stay together anyway and had nothing to do with the fact that they "waited". They were lucky. The reason they don't want me to do it before marriage is so I have no chance of getting pregnant. I know this, even though they have not said it. I cam careful, waited for the right person, and have been with him for nearly 3 years (since I was 16). OP I think you need to understand that in adult relationships "hand holding and cuddling" is not entirely enough anymore. From experience, your relationship hits a whole new level when you have a sexual relationship, you and your partner become closer and more comfortable with each other. It took at least a few months of having sex for me and my other half to get truly comfortable in the bedroom and I didn't intend going through this after my wedding day!
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    (Original post by prospectivEEconomist)
    How can I respect for a girl whose slept around with half a dozen guys? Are you mad :confused: ?
    Do you expect that shes going to marry you, sleep with you, then live happily ever with you and this is 100% guarenteed? Even if you did get married and she has only had sex with you, you could have a divorce. Would you like it if someone you then approached didn't respect you because you had slept with someone else? Grow up.
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    Sex is not only natural but if done safely very good for you, remaining a virgin achieves nothing.

    Holding the number of sexual partners someone has had against them is dumb.
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    (Original post by ABeautifulMind)
    Do you expect that shes going to marry you, sleep with you, then live happily ever with you and this is 100% guarenteed? Even if you did get married and she has only had sex with you, you could have a divorce. Would you like it if someone you then approached didn't respect you because you had slept with someone else? Grow up.
    Let's be honest, divorces are only common amongst the caucasian community. Go to Asia and divorces are rare Do you really think a man is going to truly love a girl whose vagina has had 10 cocks inserted and cummed into? I don't think any man wants to marry a woman who has a baggy vagina. Get real.
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    (Original post by tinktinktinkerbell)
    nope
    Apologies, I was a bit angry yesterday. I hope you'll forgive me
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    good luck finding a male virgin by the time you want to get married
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    (Original post by UKguy29)
    I bet he's the wettest bloke you can imagine who is only with her as he can't get anyone else. I will admit i was wrong btw, i said in a previous post i didn't know any guys waiting until marriage. I think i do know of one, he is the wettest, geekiest, spottiest, wimpiest guy you have ever seen in your entire life.
    He's actually one of the most attractive boys in our year- he's also not really geeky and awkward- he's very easy-going and people like him

    however- as you say, I imagine most virgins until marriage are not like this and are very unattractive and socially awkward

    I think my friend is an extremely rare breed (even more so as a boy) in the twenty-first century
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    (Original post by prospectivEEconomist)
    Let's be honest, divorces are only common amongst the caucasian community. Go to Asia and divorces are rare Do you really think a man is going to truly love a girl whose vagina has had 10 cocks inserted and cummed into? I don't think any man wants to marry a woman who has a baggy vagina. Get real.
    Presumably someone's personality isn't determined by how many people they have slept with, though?
    Wouldn't it be worse waiting til you're married to someone then discovering you're totally sexually incompatible?
    And, uh, its usually childbirth that causes that sort of thing, not just sex in general.
    Also, there is a big difference in getting with someone who's experienced, and someone who's the local bike. Generally a trust issues sort of difference.
    I believe in try before you buy. I wouldn't buy clothes without knowing what size they were, and marriage is supposed to last longer than clothes!
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    (Original post by prospectivEEconomist)
    Let's be honest, divorces are only common amongst the caucasian community. Go to Asia and divorces are rare Do you really think a man is going to truly love a girl whose vagina has had 10 cocks inserted and cummed into? I don't think any man wants to marry a woman who has a baggy vagina. Get real.
    I wouldn't want to be with a man who disliked somebody based purely on the fact that I had a (very safe, importantly) sexual history. Talk about shallow.
    And I think you're confusing sex with childbirth, on the baggy vagina front. You still haven't really given a reason why the woman (or man, or whoever) shouldn't have respect, either.

    And well done, you've identified that we've got a different culture. But divorce isn't a bad thing necessarily, anyway.
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    (Original post by Doodahdoo)
    I wouldn't want to be with a man who disliked somebody based purely on the fact that I had a (very safe, importantly) sexual history. Talk about shallow.
    And I think you're confusing sex with childbirth, on the baggy vagina front. You still haven't really given a reason why the woman (or man, or whoever) shouldn't have respect, either.

    And well done, you've identified that we've got a different culture. But divorce isn't a bad thing necessarily, anyway.
    Whilst I agree with everything else you've said, surely your last point can't be right on the ball?

    A couple needing a divorce surely devalues the sanctity of marriage? The problem isn't too many people getting divorced, that's just a product of the real problem which is too many people getting married who aren't ready for it who aren't with the right person. IMO anyway. :yep:
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    (Original post by prospectivEEconomist)
    Let's be honest, divorces are only common amongst the caucasian community. Go to Asia and divorces are rare Do you really think a man is going to truly love a girl whose vagina has had 10 cocks inserted and cummed into? I don't think any man wants to marry a woman who has a baggy vagina. Get real.
    How is the state of your wife's vagina, after you've had sex with her ten times, going to be any different than if she had sex with ten men once each?

    Think about what you're saying, ffs. You don't really think that having sex with multiple men alters a woman's vagina, do you? If you do, you're a bloody moron.
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    Do whatever you want, ignore the whores on TSR :yep:
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    (Original post by prospectivEEconomist)
    How can I respect for a girl whose slept around with half a dozen guys? Are you mad :confused: ?
    For some people it can be hard to respect that but I meant don't judge a girl on that. I just respect peoples choices..
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    (Original post by kexy)
    Whilst I agree with everything else you've said, surely your last point can't be right on the ball?

    A couple needing a divorce surely devalues the sanctity of marriage? The problem isn't too many people getting divorced, that's just a product of the real problem which is too many people getting married who aren't ready for it who aren't with the right person. IMO anyway. :yep:
    Ack, I'm not a big fan of the 'sanctity of marriage' anyway. I think that humans aren't really meant to be partner-for-life people, and although yes, it's wonderful if couples can stay together for life, I don't think it's a bad thing if they don't, and it doesn't hurt other people.
    I also think that it's impossible to know, at any point in your life, if you're going to be able to be in love with that person for the rest of your life - especially if you're getting married in your early- to mid-twenties; you've potentially got another sixty years together, I don't think it's practical or viable to know that you're going to want to be with that person for the rest of your life.

    That's just my thing, though.
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    (Original post by Doodahdoo)
    Ack, I'm not a big fan of the 'sanctity of marriage' anyway. I think that humans aren't really meant to be partner-for-life people, and although yes, it's wonderful if couples can stay together for life, I don't think it's a bad thing if they don't, and it doesn't hurt other people.
    I also think that it's impossible to know, at any point in your life, if you're going to be able to be in love with that person for the rest of your life - especially if you're getting married in your early- to mid-twenties; you've potentially got another sixty years together, I don't think it's practical or viable to know that you're going to want to be with that person for the rest of your life.


    That's just my thing, though.
    I agree, with just the part in bold.

    People change, the person who was 'right' for you when you were 20 might not be the person who's right for you when you hit 40. There are so many things that could happen.
 
 
 
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