Turn on thread page Beta

If you and your friend have an argument.. watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    and you are in the wrong and you realise it upon reflection..

    how many times do you apologise?

    Something of this sort occured to me recently and I've apologised countless times but the friend in question is still miffed even though it's clear to me they value the friendship too.

    My problem is that despite the fact that I'm genuinely sorry, I don't know how many more times I can reiterate that. After a point, its beginning to feel like I am being milked for attention simply because I care and haven't held back in showing it thus far. I do not want to feel this way but can't help it.

    Moreover, I don't know what else to do. If I keep saying sorry, I can't help but feel my friend will test me to see how far I can go but on the other hand, if I just stop I think they will misinterpret that as not caring and I do not wish to lose the friendship in any case (even though right now it feels like it'll never go back to the point it was ).

    And another issue, every time my apology is rejected I feel this sort of mild resentment that I know shouldn't exist simply because I know, had the situation been the other way around I would've forgiven my friend almost straight away.

    So, what are your opinions TSR?

    Keep anon as person in question uses this.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    what was it about
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    You need to stop. You've apologised once and that should be enough as you've shown your genuinely sorry.

    Unless you killed their family while they watched or something equally horrific then you just need to carry on as if it hasn't happened and give them the time they need to fully forgive you.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    and you are in the wrong and you realise it upon reflection..

    how many times do you apologise?

    Something of this sort occured to me recently and I've apologised countless times but the friend in question is still miffed even though it's clear to me they value the friendship too.

    My problem is that despite the fact that I'm genuinely sorry, I don't know how many more times I can reiterate that. After a point, its beginning to feel like I am being milked for attention simply because I care and haven't held back in showing it thus far. I do not want to feel this way but can't help it.

    Moreover, I don't know what else to do. If I keep saying sorry, I can't help but feel my friend will test me to see how far I can go but on the other hand, if I just stop I think they will misinterpret that as not caring and I do not wish to lose the friendship in any case (even though right now it feels like it'll never go back to the point it was ).

    And another issue, every time my apology is rejected I feel this sort of mild resentment that I know shouldn't exist simply because I know, had the situation been the other way around I would've forgiven my friend almost straight away.

    So, what are your opinions TSR?

    Keep anon as person in question uses this.
    Firstly arguing is a good thing in any relationship. Secondly if youve apologised and they are still being all wierd, just ignore them for abit...... i never apologise, i just cant
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Personally, I'm the type of person that apologises a fair few times.

    I've been told I'm too apologetic - that I apologise too much for something I've been forgiven for, or that I apologise for things that aren't my fault. I disagree with this view; I think accidents and mistakes should be apologised for.

    However, in your case I think you really CAN apologise too much. If you've said sorry many times for something, back away and leave the situation. Another 'sorry' won't help.

    Edit: And I even managed to use the word 'apologise' excessively in this post...d'oh.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Nico_SU)
    You need to stop. You've apologised once and that should be enough as you've shown your genuinely sorry.

    Unless you killed their family while they watched or something equally horrific then you just need to carry on as if it hasn't happened and give them the time they need to fully forgive you.

    If I ignore and go on like nothing happened, I fear that the friendship will fall to bits and the thought is horrid! :|
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I think that if you apologise once and then just make a decent effort at being a good friend and making up for what you did (to a certain extent) this should be enough...
    Part of a friendship is forgiveness in my opinion - we all make mistakes and a good friend should realise this and that you do generally mean well.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    I tend to go for the one appology and then leave them to chill a bit and then resume as if nothing happened.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Never back down.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by hothedgehog)
    I tend to go for the one appology and then leave them to chill a bit and then resume as if nothing happened.
    I started off with the one apology, seemingly sorted things out and everything was fine. But then a few weeks on, my friend sort of makes these snide comments where its obvious they never got over it. So when I questioned it and was direct in asking, I can tell they still hold a grudge despite not wanting to. I just don't know how to get rid of that.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Gardocki)
    Never back down.
    Even at the risk of coming across like you are trying too hard?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    bump, would like more opinions.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Are you the same anonymous user with the joining date nov 1999 and same rep as all the other posts?!?!
    On a serious note, I think apologising twice is enough. You can't do much more. you're obviously sorry so it's their loss not yours if they carry on behaving this way.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Give it 2 weeks. Make them come to you. Apologise once more just to show that you value the friendship, then wait for them to make the first move.
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    What'd you do? :|
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Me and my best friend, who I've known since I was 5, fell out about 7 months ago. I was angry, stressed, anxious and depressed, and I was funneling all of my frustration towards him. It all came to a climax when we went on a bike ride around Christmas time and argued with each other. We didn't talk for over 5 months and then saw each other at a tennis match. I, personally, knew I was more to blame and so beared no ill feelings towards him, and after a few days everything was back to normal. I apologised to him once, about an hour after seeing him at tennis. My advice to you would be to give him/her some time to think and then say how deeply sorry you are and how you wish to be friends.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by sylarfangirl)
    What'd you do? :|
    It just got blown out of proportion.. it started off as a joke but with other people's intervention something I said hurt my friend even though they're fully aware it started off as a joke and I meant no harm, they just can't seem to let it go. And obviously since I'm the one who said it, I'm the one who's held responsible.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Yooth)
    Me and my best friend, who I've known since I was 5, fell out about 7 months ago. I was angry, stressed, anxious and depressed, and I was funneling all of my frustration towards him. It all came to a climax when we went on a bike ride around Christmas time and argued with each other. We didn't talk for over 5 months and then saw each other at a tennis match. I, personally, knew I was more to blame and so beared no ill feelings towards him, and after a few days everything was back to normal. I apologised to him once, about an hour after seeing him at tennis. My advice to you would be to give him/her some time to think and then say how deeply sorry you are and how you wish to be friends.
    how the hell did you go without talking for five months? :O
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    So you made a joke that they found offensive, and even though they know it wasn't intended seriously they're still sulking about it weeks later? Because their friends convinced them that they should be offended?

    It sounds like your friend just wants attention or likes the drama. I think you should just forget about it and act like nothing has happened, they'll get over it eventually. I think if you carry on apologising then you'll end up blowing it even more out of proportion.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    how the hell did you go without talking for five months? :O
    Haha. I was really ill at the time and I've always been surrounded by a close group of friends, so I wasn't all too desperate to regain his companionship. I guess I had a lot of time to reflect and our relationship is MUCH better now than it was before. We both treat each other with more respect and enjoy our time together more (sounds like we're dating, haha).
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: February 7, 2010
Poll
Which accompaniment is best?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.