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    Ok, not really sure what I'm asking but maybe there's someone else a bit like this...

    In my first relationship (nearly 20, late bloomer :p: )...it's great, i really really like him, etc, etc...

    Just one thing - I find myself trying so hard not to be clingy that I've kind of ended up the complete opposite, so he is the one that makes most of the effort to see me. I hadn't really thought that much until he said "if it was left to you I'd never see you!" He didn't seem pissed off, he was pretty cheerful about it, but in a way that I could tell he meant something by it.

    I think I'm scared of coming across as too clingy/possessive, so I've gone to the other extreme, which isn't really fair on him because a) I really do like him, lots, and b) he thinks he likes me more than I like him.

    Any thoughts?
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    Communication is key. There's not point second guessing yourself as to what he thinks. His hinting seems pretty obvious, so do what you feel is right. If it ever gets too much then your boyfriend will probably say so (well, he did say that you don't visit enough, so he'd probably say if you were visiting too much too). Don't be scared of your own behaviour though, you won't be overly clingy.
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    It's all about balance, you see...this is what happens when you leave it till 20 to have your first relationship.
    Being a **** and having the experience of numerous relationships doesn't sound so bad now does it?
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    (Original post by gutterflower_19)
    Ok, not really sure what I'm asking but maybe there's someone else a bit like this...

    In my first relationship (nearly 20, late bloomer :p: )...it's great, i really really like him, etc, etc...

    Just one thing - I find myself trying so hard not to be clingy that I've kind of ended up the complete opposite, so he is the one that makes most of the effort to see me. I hadn't really thought that much until he said "if it was left to you I'd never see you!" He didn't seem pissed off, he was pretty cheerful about it, but in a way that I could tell he meant something by it.

    I think I'm scared of coming across as too clingy/possessive, so I've gone to the other extreme, which isn't really fair on him because a) I really do like him, lots, and b) he thinks he likes me more than I like him.

    Any thoughts?
    ok, similar situation with me... well kinda...
    He was the clingy bf and i was the boyish gf-ie. not clingy. In the end, we broke up and thank-god for that!

    I think it's important for you to just be yourself, express how you feel- maybe there's an incongruency in how you feel and how you come across (sorry about the technically, been reading these psychological papers recently)- just try to follow and express how you feel and que sera sera really! You may not realise, but maybe you're so used to doing it that it has developed into this incogruency, which is not good for you in the long or short term. My ex- posed little comments like that too, and as the frequency of it went up, i got sick of it!
    Don't mean to come across as a persimist, but you're 20 (?) and so am i, both of you are changing everyday, i don't think you're set in your ways yet and nor do i think your relationship is, so just try to relax, show how you feel and enjoy every happy momment you get!

    All my love and best wishes!
    xxx
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    Tell him. Say that it's you making a conscious effort to appear distant so that you appear in no way clingy, and that it doesn't echo your real feelings whatsoever. Then perhaps you could start acting the way you feel you'd like to, asking him to tell you if you come across too clingy at any point. Try to avoid being possessive, though; make sure you both maintain your own separate lives and that you both integrate into each others' wherever possible, rather than isolating yourselves.
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    Just do what you feel is right, I imagine if he's saying he'd never see you if it were up to you then he wouldn't mind seeing more of you, so maybe just ask him to meet up with you more often rather than leaving it to him. If he's mentioned that then I'm sure he'd say so if it were too much so don't worry about it seeing as it's your first relationship too don't worry yourself about it, the first one's always a bit of a learning curve and he sounds like the sort of guy who understands that
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    If you have to be any extreem be clingy- at least he will feel loved. I'm sure if you are able to come across distant, you should now be able to tone down the clingy?
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    When my girlfriend is distant with me, I'm distant with her. If she was too distant with me, I'd think "**** it, this isn't a relationship and she's not into me" and end it.

    So, if he's anything like me, you're treading a fine line. Just try and relax, stop thinking about things so much, and do what feels right.
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    (Original post by Playboy King)
    It's all about balance, you see...this is what happens when you leave it till 20 to have your first relationship.
    Being a **** and having the experience of numerous relationships doesn't sound so bad now does it?
    :rofl: Oh god.



    OP, talk to him about how you feel, and he'll understand your predicament.


    Playboy King don't talk to his hoes. Dey noe ther place.
 
 
 
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