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Keep getting A- in essays. watch

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    (Original post by lekky)
    yeah I'm with OCR.
    I have a sign up above my desk that says "WHY AM I BOTHERING? Because I need AAA to do medicine! Even if I don't get in I need this to apply!" sometimes I need reminding. Perhaps you should do the same :p:

    Ah sadly I don't think he is joking. I'm ignoring him now, but his ignorance has given me a laugh, I think he actually compared getting an offer for economics to getting one for medicine. :lol:
    I think you're bang on with the little rich boy comment.
    Heard it was a shambles.
    Sounds like a plan! I might stick an acceptance letter up...remind me what I am working for. Motivation is my problem...as with most males!

    Meh, i negged him yesterday after he started a thread asking 'what first car can i buy for 25k'. So, sadly, cannot again.
    What a penis.
    Ah, Medicine > Economics...in every sense.
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    An A- in every essay isn't a bad thing.

    I certainly wouldn't be complaining.
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    Oh, since when has an A- been **** or anything? :nothing:
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    This thread has definitely gone off topic but anyhow...


    I think you need to develop your ideas more. You make some great points and use all the terminology but you seem to offer an idea and then move on. Each idea/point could eaily be expanded. Ask why this technique was done, what the effect is etc.

    You say that this was meant to be a short essay but I remember when I did A-level my essays would be several pages long - seems strange for an essay to be so short and undeveloped.

    I do agree with a previous point about re-arranging your sentences to make it flow better and make a bit more sense but you're certainly getting there!

    Hope this helped.
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    (Original post by mel0n)
    Oh, since when has an A- been **** or anything? :nothing:
    When did I say it was bad? It's not bad at all, I know it's good, but there is room for improvement and I just wanted feedback on how to improve.
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    (Original post by nicholsonfam46)
    This thread has definitely gone off topic but anyhow...


    I think you need to develop your ideas more. You make some great points and use all the terminology but you seem to offer an idea and then move on. Each idea/point could eaily be expanded. Ask why this technique was done, what the effect is etc.

    You say that this was meant to be a short essay but I remember when I did A-level my essays would be several pages long - seems strange for an essay to be so short and undeveloped.

    I do agree with a previous point about re-arranging your sentences to make it flow better and make a bit more sense but you're certainly getting there!

    Hope this helped.
    Thank you thats good advice. When I say we weren't given much time I mean we literally were given 15-20 minutes. and that included reading the poem (first time we'd seen it). I'm not a fast writer so it was defintley a rush.

    I'll write another essay on a different poem and try expanding a bit more and rearranging the sentances.

    Thanks again I'll rep you tomorrow!
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    (Original post by Dead Man Walking)
    An A- in every essay isn't a bad thing.

    I certainly wouldn't be complaining.
    I never said it was a bad thing. But I like to try and improve my writing and how I'm doing so was wanting feedback on how to do that. I've had good feedback so hopefully next essay I'll do a little better. I know it's not a bad grade, but I also know that I without a doubt need an A, so if I can improve how I write that's not a bad thing.
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    (Original post by lekky)
    ...
    Uh, I hate it when people call him "William Shakespeare". I'm sure the examiner knows what who you're talking about. It's petty, but whenever I read that in someone's essay I just think they're trying to sound intelligent by including his full name when "Shakespeare" is perfectly acceptable. DON'T CALL HIM WILLIAM!!

    Sorry, just a pet hate I have :p:

    Other general comments, you're using 10 words when one will do. It's quite obvious (and will be to the examiner and your teacher) that you're trying to use big words too readily; "syntactic parallelism", for example, just screams "LOOK AT ME I KNOW THESE BIG WORDS" when it actually just sounds clumsy and unnatural. However, it does work in some places; I like "hyperbolic description of their love" since it sounds intelligent but not over the top.

    Otherwise, it's brilliant to be honest. Your teacher might just be a bit like mine was at GCSE and never mark any essays A* in class as he believed you could always aim higher, but when I got my A* he told me that most of them deserved A*s he just wanted to push me harder (He was my favourite teacher EVER! :o: )
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    (Original post by lattywatty)
    Uh, I hate it when people call him "William Shakespeare". I'm sure the examiner knows what who you're talking about. It's petty, but whenever I read that in someone's essay I just think they're trying to sound intelligent by including his full name when "Shakespeare" is perfectly acceptable. DON'T CALL HIM WILLIAM!!

    Sorry, just a pet hate I have :p:

    Other general comments, you're using 10 words when one will do. It's quite obvious (and will be to the examiner and your teacher) that you're trying to use big words too readily; "syntactic parallelism", for example, just screams "LOOK AT ME I KNOW THESE BIG WORDS" when it actually just sounds clumsy and unnatural. However, it does work in some places; I like "hyperbolic description of their love" since it sounds intelligent but not over the top.

    Otherwise, it's brilliant to be honest. Your teacher might just be a bit like mine was at GCSE and never mark any essays A* in class as he believed you could always aim higher, but when I got my A* he told me that most of them deserved A*s he just wanted to push me harder (He was my favourite teacher EVER! :o: )
    I like calling him William Shakespeare :p: I only tend to call him by his full name in titles or once and then use surnames throughout the essay (that goes for every author), sorry about that :p:

    But we're told to include those words as they're a marking point? How can I talk about syntatic parallelism without saying syntactic parallelism

    Oh and I don't think it's that btw. She marked me A+ last year and some other people get A+ grades occasionally.
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    (Original post by lekky)
    When I say we weren't given much time I mean we literally were given 15-20 minutes. and that included reading the poem (first time we'd seen it). I'm not a fast writer so it was defintley a rush.
    Ohh now I get what you mean. 15-20 mins to write an essay - that's tough for anyone, no matter how fast you write! I guess my advice only really applies if you've got longer - for coursework or something.

    Hope you manage to break through the A- barrier on your next essay. I know how frustrating it is to be so close and not know what's holding you back.

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    (Original post by lekky)
    Hey,

    So I keep getting an A- in all my essays that I do for college. I was wondering if someone wouldn't mind looking at one for me and telling me where they think I'm going wrong, what I need to make it an A/A* etc. I asked my teacher and she said "I'm not entirely sure what" basically.

    This is my most recent one, its just over 300 words. Got an A- and feedback was that she liked how concise it was and that she did not like "The nature of love is echoed" bit (can see it was a bit weird, didn't read it through properly, I meant to say something like the simplistic, raw, nature of love as structure is simple etc). Any feedback would be great. No idea where I'm going wrong

    +rep for feedback!



    Presentation of love in Sonnet 18

    William Shakespeare’s eighteenth sonnet immortalises the subject of his poem and therefore their love. The sonnet’s structure, language and rhyme scheme work to emphasise Shakespeare’s hyperbolic description of their love

    The nature of love is echoed in the basic fourteen line structure and alternative rhyme scheme of the sonnet, whilst the iambic pentameter represents the rhythm of a heart beat.

    The personification of “Summer” and use of nature imagery is introduced in Shakespeare’s opening rhetorical question. Writing in first person and the direct address of the subject – “thee” and “thou” – creates a more intimate tone.

    Throughout the octave, conventional imagery is employed, “Summer” and “heaven”, with the poet identifying the flaws of these comparisons – “Summer’s leave hath all too short a date”, and sometimes the “eye of heaven” shines “too hot”, emphasised by alliteration. The repetition of the pre-modifier “more” highlights the hyperbole the poet uses to describe how these powerful romantic associations do not fully represent the strength of his feelings of the subject of the poem, whom interestingly is identified as neither female or male. The transience of nature is suggested throughout the octave, initially “darling buds of May” suggest youthfulness, moving towards “decline”. This is emphasised through the use of alliteration – “fair from fair”.

    The central message of the poem compares the transience of nature to the “eternal” love depicted in the sestest, highlighted by the use of alliteration – “thy eternal Summer shall not fade” and sibilance in “possession”. Death is personified as the poet describes how Death shall not “brag thou wanderest in his shade” – the subject of the poem will not die, and therefore their love will live forever as a poem illustrating the strength of their love has been written. The concluding rhyming couplet emphasise this message, with the syntactic parallelism of “So long” stressing the length of time that the subject of the poem, and therefore their love, will live for.
    It seemed to me like at some points you were simply describing the poem without actually explaining how the methods used presented love. There were places that needed elaboration, and I think perhaps you could have made a few more conclusive statements throughout.
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    (Original post by chebanana)
    It seemed to me like at some points you were simply describing the poem without actually explaining how the methods used presented love. There were places that needed elaboration, and I think perhaps you could have made a few more conclusive statements throughout.
    Thanks yes I can see that now and will try to expand on
    my points in future essays. Ta for the advice
 
 
 
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