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Mental scars watch

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    I got nooo idea what the purpose of this is, but we will see where it goes long. Will probably be long, not forcing you to read it.

    I seem to have become a distant, heartless **** recently. I battled cancer, well I still am pretty much the whole of the last year. And while I seem to have won the physical battle it has left mental scars. My mum has a mental illness and so I never actually told her, I would lie in bed feeling like someone had stuck a bullet through my brain and all I would have instead of the comfort I needed, “You’re so bloody lazy, you sit there doing nothing, you’re always ill, i’m sure you’re a hypochondriac.”

    My dad is a very reserved man and keeps his emotions and thoughts to himself, so while I knew I could go to him, I didn’t see what good would come from it. Chemo is nothing something that anyone should have to go through on their own, nevermind someone 16/17 and so I had to grow up in my opinion. I covered my emotions and put a shield over what could hurt me, by pretty much making me emotionless I cut out what pain and upset I could and frankly I was that ill, that whatever else there was, I couldn’t think about it.

    Well anyway this seems to be a problem now because it is like I have severed the connections to my emotions, I used to be the kind of guy who would cry at films *lol I know*, and I cared about others problems. I have slowly drifted from my group of friends, their company does nothing for me, I go out and frankly all I generally think about is *Christ, this is going slow.* Peoples problems don’t affect me, someone could tell me there dying who I do/did care about and while I would put on an act, I would deep down just feel nothing. I’m fed up of being a heartless **** and want to get my personality back. The question is how?
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    You shouldn't have water board tortured yourself then :naughty:
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    I'm really sorry to hear you went through all that.
    Personally? I'd get professional help, counselling. It's not weak and at first you may be sat there going "Well this is a bunch of sh*t I don't feel any different." But I reckon if you stuck at it, you could really benefit from it
    Good luck
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    (Original post by Broderss)
    You shouldn't have water board tortured yourself then :naughty:
    Of course, why didn't I think of that.
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    Firstly, heads up, you've been through a lot - been there, done that too and hopefully never again!

    It'll take as long, if not longer to bring your old self back. All negatives have been logged in you subconsciously and you'll need to use tools that 'unlock' the power of the subconcious mind - those used for pyschiatric disorders.

    You'll come out a better person in the end, but it's rare to return to your previous state after such a life-changing experience.

    Visit to a psychologist, psychiatrist and holistic healers would be very much in order.
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    (Original post by fidelity_blue)
    I'm really sorry to hear you went through all that.
    Personally? I'd get professional help, counselling. It's not weak and at first you may be sat there going "Well this is a bunch of sh*t I don't feel any different." But I reckon if you stuck at it, you could really benefit from it
    Good luck
    If you don't mind, do you have first hand experience of it?

    I am not the talky kind of person, if someone asks me a question I usually give them an answer without beating around the bush. So wouldn't want it to be awkward.
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    (Original post by crazyb)
    Firstly, heads up, you've been through a lot - been there, done that too and hopefully never again!

    It'll take as long, if not longer to bring your old self back. All negatives have been logged in you subconsciously and you'll need to use tools that 'unlock' the power of the subconcious mind - those used for pyschiatric disorders.

    You'll come out a better person in the end, but it's rare to return to your previous state after such a life-changing experience.

    Visit to a psychologist, psychiatrist and holistic healers would be very much in order.

    Didn't really want to have to go and talk to someone about it, because I haven't to anyone before in detail, and for a start I wouldn't know how too. I have bad experiences with medical professionals and so have little trust in them.

    But I guess thats one of the only options really.
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    (Original post by Rucklo)
    If you don't mind, do you have first hand experience of it?

    I am not the talky kind of person, if someone asks me a question I usually give them an answer without beating around the bush. So wouldn't want it to be awkward.
    No, not me personally, sorry.

    However, my ex girlfriend was pretty much exactly what you just described, and she didn't suffer from cancer, but from her issues she reacted and acted exactly in the way you described in your post (lack of emotions, empathy, feeling for those you used to etc. not enjoying being out) and she really benefitted from it. If the guy tried to ******** her, she called him out, and then he learnt what she was like - I think if you get someone like that, you'll be okay. You may even need to swap people a few times - get someone who suits you.

    One down side is, she got signed off before she felt ready and started to regress again - so I'd say stick to it till you feel ready/back to how you used to feel.
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    (Original post by Rucklo)
    Didn't really want to have to go and talk to someone about it, because I haven't to anyone before in detail, and for a start I wouldn't know how too. I have bad experiences with medical professionals and so have little trust in them.

    But I guess thats one of the only options really.
    If you are not happy with your current mental health professional, ask your GP for a second opinion - this is your right under the NHS.

    You are right, this is one of your few options - the sooner you 'self-accept' and start facing up to the problem, the sooner you can be on the way to 'recovery'.

    As for not being able to communicate, when I spent months in a psychiatric ward, we had support groups and various group exercises. Took me a long time to 'open up' (completely introverted and withdrawn at the time), but I could see others in a similar, if not worse situation (behaviour and/or illness) and this proved to be a catalyst.

    Again, the web is your friend, as is your GP.


    One last thing, I don't know your personal circumstances/age - backpacking around the world and just 'getting away completely' can work miracles on one's outlook on life and mental state. I spent 6 months cycling the world - came back a changed person!
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    Right thanks both.

    Yeah i'm planning on going to Aus for 5 months next year to get away, will get an appointment with my GP.
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    (Original post by Rucklo)
    Well anyway this seems to be a problem now because it is like I have severed the connections to my emotions.
    I think this has happened to me in my life. :erm:
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    (Original post by + polarity -)
    I think this has happened to me in my life. :erm:
    The only advantage I find is it gives me a long fuse, someone could shout and moan at me for 30 minutes and I will just turn around and go "Well that wasn't very nice, I guess we won't be speaking again no? ." It's too much effort and too much care needed to argue.
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    you're not in as a dire situation as you think. you've noticed you have this problem of being cut off from your emotions yes? enough said i think, if you were totally severed and cut off then you wouldn't notice or care, let alone want to do anything about it. i've been where you are now. believe me it seems like you'll be this way forever, but you won't be. i promise. (coming from someone who never promises unless they truly mean it). and to be a truly soppy little sod, here's some love xx
 
 
 
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