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Found boyfriend's profile on a dating website... watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So if he met her on this site and you say this site is full of perverts and losers, what does that make your boyfriend who joined up ?? Also, how did you catch him talking to her ?? There are no live chatrooms on there. Did he stupidly add her to facebook ?? How did you find out who the girl was ?? It doesnt add up to me what your saying.
    Yes, he stupidly added her on Facebook. He did this when he was supposed to be "asleeep" so i called him out on it. He said "fine if you don't trust me here are my details i have nothing to hide" so gave me his account details, but he forgot to close the conversation window he had with her......
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    (Original post by discreetsunshine)
    i don't know what to do
    first and foremost - why, the HECK, do you put so much importance to a relationship? :confused:

    i don't understand.
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    (Original post by didgeridoo12uk)
    dont play games.

    tell him you found it, go mad, have a nice shout and get it all out of your system. make him delete it, then have a relationship talk.

    but do not play games
    This :sadnod: playing silly games will only hurt both of you more.
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    I suspect just confronting him will be much easier. Setting up the fake account IMO can only come round and bite you!
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    (Original post by Dynamitri)
    first and foremost - why, the HECK, do you put so much importance to a relationship? :confused:

    i don't understand.
    Because I've been with him for 3 years now, and it's a serious relationship. we plan to move in with eachother after the summer and have plans of marriage. I can't think why this wouldn't be something important to worry about...
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    (Original post by HumorousGent.)
    be discreet, sunshine.
    I lol'd unfortunately.
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    (Original post by discreetsunshine)
    Because I've been with him for 3 years now, and it's a serious relationship.
    What's a serious relationship?

    Seriously, I just don't see it - all things aside, that's the very thing that happens when you make a relationship the core of your life. It should be a bonus to your life, but you should have a hobby, a passion, a career and friends, 'cause if your partner is the be-all and end-all of your life, if a relationship starts tumbling down, that's what you get - panicking, spiralling into depression, and general not-knowing-what-do-do.

    Sorry if I haven't been much helpful, but maybe you might make use of it in the future. As for the boyfriend - dump him, being a man myself I know that once having cheated, will cheat all the time. It's the very first time that's hard to do, if you think/feel you love someone. But once you go on a date with someone while still being in a relationship, do cybersex, get a profile on a dating site to have some flings/random hookups, it's all going down the slippery slope and is near impossible for a man not to repeat it. It's just too tempting.
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    I would go on the Jeremy Kyle show and ask for a lie detector test- its all out in the open, the truth is revealed, its free and voila! You are famous! We can also find out what happened...
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    (Original post by discreetsunshine)
    Because I've been with him for 3 years now, and it's a serious relationship. we plan to move in with eachother after the summer and have plans of marriage. I can't think why this wouldn't be something important to worry about...
    He probably just hasn't deleted it - I would talk to him about it - you could **** it up if you created a fake account and he wasn't using it anymore but found out what you'd done. Just speak to him - if you've been with him for 3 years - you should be able to :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by Dynamitri)
    What's a serious relationship?

    Seriously, I just don't see it - all things aside, that's the very thing that happens when you make a relationship the core of your life. It should be a bonus to your life, but you should have a hobby, a passion, a career and friends, 'cause if your partner is the be-all and end-all of your life, if a relationship starts tumbling down, that's what you get - panicking, spiralling into depression, and general not-knowing-what-do-do.

    Sorry if I haven't been much helpful, but maybe you might make use of it in the future. As for the boyfriend - dump him, being a man myself I know that once having cheated, will cheat all the time. It's the very first time that's hard to do, if you think/feel you love someone. But once you go on a date with someone while still being in a relationship, do cybersex, get a profile on a dating site to have some flings/random hookups, it's all going down the slippery slope and is near impossible for a man not to repeat it. It's just too tempting.
    The thing is i haven't actually caught him cheating yet. All i know is that he has been "kindof flirty and very sweet" to the girl he chatted to, so i don't know whether it was purely for his own ego that he could get a girl to talk to him, or if he planned to go further. Also, i doubt that he would go to actually sleep with someone, as he believes in sex before marriage (he's muslim) and we've waited three years, so i don't think he'd give it up for a fling. it's just stuff like the emotional betrayal and lack of respect that worries me. Aside from everything that's happened, we get on really well and he is my best friend. It's not so easy to let go of that unless i'm absolutely certain he's a cheater.

    I know it's not healthy to have him as the core of my life, but as it's the last year of uni i;ve just been throwing myself into study, so it's not like i have the time to fill my life with hobbies/socialising lots.

    I just love him very much..
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    (Original post by sophyy)
    He probably just hasn't deleted it - I would talk to him about it - you could **** it up if you created a fake account and he wasn't using it anymore but found out what you'd done. Just speak to him - if you've been with him for 3 years - you should be able to :rolleyes:
    I have spoken to him about it.. and he swears that he would never do anything like that again. But a little part of me still can't let go and make total closure..
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    I think you need to be honest with your boyfriend. You need to talk to him about it, get it out in the open and go from there. But at the end of the day, if you dont trust your boyfriend, dont stay with him because you'll only feel worse. If you still cant sort this out, then you need to end it. It doesnt sound like a very healthy relationship.

    With the snooping part, okay, if you do snoop, yes you've caught him out, but then he can blame you because you dont trust him, which you have just proved by the set up.

    good luck anyways.
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    (Original post by discreetsunshine)
    (he's muslim)
    He's Muslim, but yet it doesn't stop him from putting nekkid pics of himself on the net? :curious:

    It just doesn't hold together, missus.
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    (Original post by discreetsunshine)
    I have spoken to him about it.. and he swears that he would never do anything like that again. But a little part of me still can't let go and make total closure..
    You've spoken to him recently about this? What did he say?

    3 years is a long time - I know that - and the way you're talking about him makes it sound like you really do care about him and you two as a couple. I think you need to tell him you need space - think it through - you either trust him about this or you don't.

    Sorry if earlier sounded so harsh - I didn't mean it to
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    (Original post by Dynamitri)
    He's Muslim, but yet it doesn't stop him from putting nekkid pics of himself on the net? :curious:

    It just doesn't hold together, missus.
    Well, someone on the thread has assured me that the site he uses doesn't approve naked pictures, but they're invite-only which i can only assume they're of a seedy nature. It could just be a normal picture, but i doubt it.
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    (Original post by sophyy)
    You've spoken to him recently about this? What did he say?

    3 years is a long time - I know that - and the way you're talking about him makes it sound like you really do care about him and you two as a couple. I think you need to tell him you need space - think it through - you either trust him about this or you don't.

    Sorry if earlier sounded so harsh - I didn't mean it to
    That's ok

    Well, we had a talk about it around a week ago. He said that he's completely put it in the past and wishes that i would too, because we can't keep going backwards. He also said he doesn't know if we can carry on the relationship if i don't trusting him and let it go, which i agreed with. We took a bit of a break just so i could try to get more perspective, but it didn't last long because i missed him so much.. so maybe i need another break but this time being more strict with myself..

    Or maybe i just need more reassurances from him, as i don't think i could rebuild my trust all on my own.
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    (Original post by facetious)
    I lol'd unfortunately.
    it was terrible; i've already been negged for it.
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    Ok well this is an update:

    it went for 2 days without a reply to the message, so i can assume from that that he hadn't been using it in a while.

    I also talked to him about it and we worked through a lot of my fears. He agreed that he should delete the profile straight away, and he said that he had just not been on it at all and had simply forgotten about it. The profile is now gone.

    I feel a lot better now and think i can move on from this and start trusting him again.

    Thanks to all your kind advice, it really helped to talk about it.
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    (Original post by discreetsunshine)
    Ok well this is an update:

    it went for 2 days without a reply to the message, so i can assume from that that he hadn't been using it in a while.

    I also talked to him about it and we worked through a lot of my fears. He agreed that he should delete the profile straight away, and he said that he had just not been on it at all and had simply forgotten about it. The profile is now gone.

    I feel a lot better now and think i can move on from this and start trusting him again.

    Thanks to all your kind advice, it really helped to talk about it.
    awww.. how cute...3 yrs is a long time.....and probably the most delicate time in ur relationship......goodluck...giv e him a hug and a kiss...and tell his ass never to go on a site like that again..haha..just joking.....take care--u truly care about him...thats cute
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    Maybe he hasn't deleted it but never uses it.

    As for making a fake account, that's pretty lame. Just approach him about it and how upset its made you. Stop the passive approach and communicate with him.
 
 
 
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