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Found boyfriend's profile on a dating website... watch

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    theres nothing wrong with naked/half naked pics on the net IMO, as long as you arnt flirting with anyone
    please tell me you're joking...
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    What's the update?
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    (Original post by Adonis)
    What's the update?
    Here

    (Original post by Discreetsunshine)
    Ok well this is an update:

    it went for 2 days without a reply to the message, so i can assume from that that he hadn't been using it in a while.

    I also talked to him about it and we worked through a lot of my fears. He agreed that he should delete the profile straight away, and he said that he had just not been on it at all and had simply forgotten about it. The profile is now gone.

    I feel a lot better now and think i can move on from this and start trusting him again.


    Thanks to all your kind advice, it really helped to talk about it.
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    (Original post by discreetsunshine)
    Ok well this is an update:

    it went for 2 days without a reply to the message, so i can assume from that that he hadn't been using it in a while.

    I also talked to him about it and we worked through a lot of my fears. He agreed that he should delete the profile straight away, and he said that he had just not been on it at all and had simply forgotten about it. The profile is now gone.

    I feel a lot better now and think i can move on from this and start trusting him again.

    Thanks to all your kind advice, it really helped to talk about it.
    Well it's too late now, but if it was me i would have asked him to give me the login details for the profile - that way you could have seen what pics were on there and be 100% sure that there hadn't been any recent messaging. He could have hardly refused if he had nothing to hide.... i couldn't have seen it deleted before i'd looked at the pics and messages. but glad you sorted everything out!
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    Nah, no need to ask him. Just go right ahead and use his computer to log in! In fact, why not go through all his porn web history and emails while you're at it?
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    (Original post by Draculara)
    Well it's too late now, but if it was me i would have asked him to give me the login details for the profile - that way you could have seen what pics were on there and be 100% sure that there hadn't been any recent messaging. He could have hardly refused if he had nothing to hide.... i couldn't have seen it deleted before i'd looked at the pics and messages. but glad you sorted everything out!
    Well, he told me he had deleted all the messages. But I'm thinking for the most part that it is better I don't read them.. as much as I'd like to, whatever was exchanged would probably hurt me, friendly chats or not.

    And I did make him show me the pics that were on there, I made an account on there (as we were talking on msn at the time) and made him give me a backstage pass. It was just a cropped picture of his face, and one other picture of his face. So I'm glad it wasn't anything sleazy..

    He seemed genuine in the fact that he didn't use it anymore and wouldn't use one again, and that he wanted to repair our relationship first and foremost.
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    (Original post by Ryan W)
    Nah, no need to ask him. Just go right ahead and use his computer to log in! In fact, why not go through all his porn web history and emails while you're at it?
    Well, we're LDR so I'd never be able to log in to his computer as much as I would like to :P
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    (Original post by Draculara)
    Well it's too late now, but if it was me i would have asked him to give me the login details for the profile - that way you could have seen what pics were on there and be 100% sure that there hadn't been any recent messaging. He could have hardly refused if he had nothing to hide.... i couldn't have seen it deleted before i'd looked at the pics and messages. but glad you sorted everything out!
    Thats a major invasion of privacy, much like with my brothers now dead girlfriend used to be very paranoid and used to go on his phone checking for girls names and mesages and had the same attitude i.e "if you have nothing to hide then you would let me do it"
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    (Original post by MittenKrust)
    Thats a major invasion of privacy, much like with my brothers now dead girlfriend used to be very paranoid and used to go on his phone checking for girls names and mesages and had the same attitude i.e "if you have nothing to hide then you would let me do it"
    Well if he's trying to pick up girls on dating websites and then wants to get back with you/still go out with you then i think its acceptable to want to see what he was saying before you decide whether to stay with him or not.
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    (Original post by Draculara)
    Well if he's trying to pick up girls on dating websites and then wants to get back with you/still go out with you then i think its acceptable to want to see what he was saying before you decide whether to stay with him or not.
    Its a difficult situation but I think the situation of being told to hand over details to prove you arent doing something wrong is bad, it gives no choice in the matter and assumes the person is guilt, it should be innocent till proven guilty.

    How many people would get annoyed say if their partner was snooping through their personal affairs like what you basically are describing, trust has to be there and if you did what you described it basically is a form of controlling a partner.

    I dont know if the OP's boyfriend has anything to hide or such but why should someone have to prove they HAVENT done anything wrong.

    I understand OP being worried though it sounds like overreactions.
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    GET RID!!!!! My ex was like this-cheating, lying, LOSER!
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    (Original post by MittenKrust)
    Its a difficult situation but I think the situation of being told to hand over details to prove you arent doing something wrong is bad, it gives no choice in the matter and assumes the person is guilt, it should be innocent till proven guilty.

    How many people would get annoyed say if their partner was snooping through their personal affairs like what you basically are describing, trust has to be there and if you did what you described it basically is a form of controlling a partner.

    I dont know if the OP's boyfriend has anything to hide or such but why should someone have to prove they HAVENT done anything wrong.

    I understand OP being worried though it sounds like overreactions.
    Thats not my point - i dont agree with snooping through all his affairs, but he admitted to sending girls emails on that dating website and then said he wouldn't do it again. Well if my bf admitted to this THEN said he wouldn't do it again and he didnt want to break up with me, and i then saw his profile was still there months later, even if he hadn't done it again i would still want to see what exactly he'd been saying to and showing these girls. I'm not talking about wanting to go onto his facebook or email or phone just so i can look if he hadn't already admitted to all that stuff. and then all i would want to see is what the communication between him and these girls!
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    (Original post by Draculara)
    Thats not my point - i dont agree with snooping through all his affairs, but he admitted to sending girls emails on that dating website and then said he wouldn't do it again. Well if my bf admitted to this THEN said he wouldn't do it again and he didnt want to break up with me, and i then saw his profile was still there months later, even if he hadn't done it again i would still want to see what exactly he'd been saying to and showing these girls. I'm not talking about wanting to go onto his facebook or email or phone just so i can look if he hadn't already admitted to all that stuff. and then all i would want to see is what the communication between him and these girls!
    Thats a case of treating someone as "once a cheater always a cheater" as its about a lack of trust, which even if that lack of trust was understandable it doesnt make it valid.
 
 
 
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