Turn on thread page Beta

Would you be able to forgive your boyfriend/girlfriend for this? watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I have been with my boyfriend for a year now and am absolutely crazy about him. We have had our share of ups and downs over the year but overall he makes me so happy.

    On friday I found out that on a night out a few weeks ago in a club he kissed and was all over a random girl. I found out because I saw this number on in his phonebook when trying to call our friend called 'Liquid girl' (liquid is a club where we live). I asked him about it, I knew he was lying and so I text her (which he let me do I might add) and basically got all the information from her I needed.

    She told me she had being talking to him upstairs for alot of the night, he bought her drinks and they got with each other. When I found out I naturally hit the roof, called him all manner of things, broke up with him and told him I hated him. The annoying thing was I was staying with him and his family for the weekend and due to circumstances couldnt leave until tonight. So all weekend I had to listen to him go on and on about everything. He claims he remembers absolutely nothing about it, he says he woke up the next day with this number in his phone and that was it. ( I would have usually assumed this was utter ******** though I'm unsure from the fact that he let me text her).

    Im absolutely devasted and don't know what to do. I have two options, dump him or not?

    I have thought about it long and hard and have had contrasting opinions from friends and family and have came up with the reasons to stay with him or to leave him

    Reasons to leave him:
    -He cheated on me and the trust is totally gone
    -He never told me about it (although he claims he didnt know anything had happened
    -Im scared that had things went differently he could have ended up going home with her (though I know he didn't as she has told me this)
    -I don't know if I can ever be sure he won't do it again

    Reasons to stay with him:
    -It is totally out of character for him. I have spoken to a mutual male friend (who I am closer to) that he goes out with quite a bit and he says he never chats to or tried to get on girls on nights out and has never seen him do anything like that before
    -Some say everyone is allowed one mistake
    -I still am very much in love with him despite hating him right now
    - He does seem genuinely sorry and gutted, he has cried several times over the weekend, says it was a one off stupid mistake that will never ever happen again. He has told me he hates himself for it and that he will do whatever it takes whether that be not getting drunk when Im not there if that makes me feel better
    -He didn't sleep with her
    -I know he could not have been attracted to her as I got her to add me on facebook and I know this sounds awful but she is EXTREMELY unattractive, I mean horrendous.

    So it is. I'm torn. We are broke up for now. I want to see how hard he will chase me and how hard he will try and get me back and this may help me decide whether or not we're over for good. Any advice would be so helpful as I can't decide right now what I want to do?
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Personally, I wouldn't forgive cheating at all, and consider being drunk to be no excuse - if you can't control yourself after a drink, you shouldn't have one.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    what did he say when you asked him about what she had told you?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Personally, I don't think I could get over something like that!
    I feel terrible for you.
    How can you be so sure he hasn't done it before, this time he has gotten caught out and maybe his friends are trying to cover for him.
    It sounds like you are really torn up about this and I think the best option is to wait for now, See if he will chase you and what he will do to get you back, then you will know. If he doesn't bother than he clearly doesn't care that much but if he tries his best, then that must mean something.
    It will take a while for you to trust him again, fully but all things take time and although it will be hard not to think about him with another girl, just think it would have been a totally different story if he had slept with her.
    I wish you all the best and I hope it all works out okay.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by jaw)
    what did he say when you asked him about what she had told you?
    He admitted he couldnt remember it and looked a bit shocked (real or not I dont know).
    • Wiki Support Team
    Online

    21
    ReputationRep:
    Wiki Support Team
    I not only would, i have forgiven much worse.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I found out because I saw this number on in his phonebook when trying to call our friend called 'Liquid girl' (liquid is a club where we live)
    Leicester,ey? forgive the poor dude, liquid has a lot of horny ****s on a friday night.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    When you wanted to, he let you text her - I think that's very important. If he knew he had something to hide, that simply wouldn't be the course of action to take.

    There have been times when I've been so drunk, I haven't remembered what happened. It's awful that he did this to you, and it's perfectly understandable that you're very upset about it - but ask yourself if it's worth putting yourself through the pain and misery of breaking up, over something that was quite probably a drunken mistake - and as your friend said, was totally out of character for him.
    He didn't tell you, so I can understand your pain - but he also didn't do anything to conceal what happened. He didn't delete or rename the number, he let you text her - that's fairly important, I think.

    The learning to trust again is a big thing, and not something that comes easily. Give yourselves some time apart, and see how you feel. Don't 'test' him, that's not helpful - but see how you feel yourself. You need to come to terms with how you feel about this, spending some time apart - but still communicating and discussing things - could help.

    I've forgiven something similar before; my attitude is that people can and do make mistakes, what matters is how they deal with them and how regretful they are.
    • #2
    #2

    Hey, im going through a similar thing but a little worse so hopefully i can help. A bit of background: My and my girlfriend had been together for over a year and then I asked for a break because my mum was really ill, after a week i missed her so much and rang her telling her i was sorry and everything she said prove it by telling me you love me so i did over and over again. On that night she slept with one of my friends. Not only that but for the next two months whilst "trying" to make it up to me she was continuously texting him and meeting up with him whenever i wasn't there. When i eventually found out i said i wasnt going to talk to her again and this made her stop.

    Now for the advice, no one on this thread can tell you what to do. I wish i had the strength to just walk away because of the way she treated me but i can't because i like her too much. You have to know your relationship will never be the same and you will constantly argue over it and bring it up. Either way it is going to be hard, and what you do will determine on the feelings you have for him.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    Personally, I would forgive him.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    There is no way I would forgive him. A relationship can't work if there is no trust.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    'not getting drunk when Im not there if that makes me feel better'
    Just no. If he's liable to cheat when drunk, he'd want to not drink for himself and to keep you, not to make you feel better.
    There are plenty more better fish in the sea :yep:
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by soldjaof786)
    Leicester,ey? forgive the poor dude, liquid has a lot of horny ****s on a friday night.
    Liquid is a chain dude
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by soldjaof786)
    Leicester,ey? forgive the poor dude, liquid has a lot of horny ****s on a friday night.
    There are lots of Liquids around the country - there's one in my hometown of Basingstoke.:ahee:
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    I'm in two minds about this. If I was in your position, I would probably stay with my boyfriend, as it would be a one-off, drunken mistake. But, on the other hand, where's a relationship without trust? I say, follow your heart, and what YOU think is best
    Offline

    20
    (Original post by cpj1987)
    Personally, I wouldn't forgive cheating at all, and consider being drunk to be no excuse - if you can't control yourself after a drink, you shouldn't have one.
    This!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    i personally would be very annoyed but the reasons you have to stay with him seem so much more important i would if i was you he seems sorry
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    I would personally forgive him, but not right now. I think you need to have some space for a while.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    I couldn't forgive my boyfriend for being with anyone else :/
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    It seems like he is telling the truth and if you still love him then i don't see why you can't work things out and make sure this don't happen again.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: February 8, 2010
Poll
Could you cope without Wifi?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.