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Controlling bf - can't break up with him (long) watch

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    So I've been going out with him since around October. He seemed OK at first but as I've gotten to know him better I've realised what a jerk he actually is.

    He tried to persuade me not to go home at Christmas (I hadn't seen my family since May) and when I said I didn't want to and at any rate I'd already payed for the tickets, he said he'd reimburse me for them "so I could stay" as if that settled the matter. He "dared" me to go and when I did, I got several quite threatening lectures from him on my answering phone - which luckily I managed to delete before my parents heard or they would have gone mad. When I got back he was very angry but said he would "let me off this time".

    He's now trying to pressure me into booking plane tickets to fly over to his country to stay with him this summer for 9 weeks. I've already explained to him that I'll be starting university soon and need to save up, spend the summer working at home and getting organised but he just dismisses that. Every time I see him he asks me if I've got them and keeps emailing me ticket deals and stuff.

    He also keeps pressuring me to do stuff which I'm really not up for - I've made that clear from the start. Again this makes him quite angry and he makes comments like "it's his right and one day he'll act on it".

    The other day we were out and I left my bag with him when I went to the bathroom and I came back and he was blatantly looking through it - making no effort to hide it whatsoever saying "you can have no secrets from me"

    He also speaks to me as if I'm slightly stupid, he won't have any discussions, just lectures me with his opinions on politics. He thinks it's a bit of a joke that I'm going to university and has said a few times that they must be desperate to fill places in Britain. He's also commented a few times that I must be spoilt being an only child and likes to tie that in when I refuse to let him **** me saying things like "you can't alway get your way I know you're used to it but you're in the real world now".

    His behaviour makes my blood boil but I'm slightly wary of him too. I've been avoiding him (with great difficulty) since I returned after Christmas after trying and failing to have it out with him several times since my return.

    Yesterday, I finally managed to speak to him about it, prompted by yet another one of his remarks. He laughed at me. I lost my temper. I said I found his attitude to me highly offensive and patronising, I said that it was him at the **** university, not me. I said that if he should work on showing some ******* respect to other human beings, be more open to other things and above all stop being such a miserably bore - until he's managed that he should just stick to prostitutes. I said that I never want to see him or hear from him again and walked off.

    Obviously he was furious. He followed me home saying things like "you will pay for that", "you can't run away from me". He rang the door bell on and off for half an hour then apparently dissapeared. He returned at about 5am (drunk) and started yelling all sorts of lude and threatening things in the silence which I won't go into. I'm really frightened, I wish I'd never met him. I've told my flatmates to be careful when going out and not to let him in under any circumstances. He rung the doorbell several times again this morning and he hasn't calmed down in fact I think he might still be drunk. There's no way I can go out. I'm terrified.

    I'm in France btw so I don't know what the French police do about this sort of thing. I think he has to do something before they can do anything which I don't really want to give him the chance to do.

    Any advice would be much appreciated!
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    Ignore him completely, don't respond to his messages or anything, and if he keeps coming back then definitely call the police. Even if they can't do much (don't know how it works there) they might at least be able to speak to him, and having a word with a police officer should make it pretty clear to him that he's not welcome.
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    OK, if you can try transferring to a different university so that he can't stalk you, he really sounds so dreadful and controlling. Also change your locks (just in case he gets a key somehow), your phone number(s), and move house if you can.

    Try talking to the police if you can just to see what they have to say, or even the UK representative.

    Most importantly you have to be completely honest with him so that he sees his behaviour and attitude aren't acceptable! If he won't listen, write him a letter or leave a message on his answering machine, possibly get his parents involved.

    Anyway, good luck, he sounds like a douche.
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    That's really unlucky, with things like that it's better to end it ASAP instead of letting it drag on, try inform to your neighbours and security too if there is any.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I've been going out with him since around October. He seemed OK at first but as I've gotten to know him better I've realised what a jerk he actually is.

    He tried to persuade me not to go home at Christmas (I hadn't seen my family since May) and when I said I didn't want to and at any rate I'd already payed for the tickets, he said he'd reimburse me for them "so I could stay" as if that settled the matter. He "dared" me to go and when I did, I got several quite threatening lectures from him on my answering phone - which luckily I managed to delete before my parents heard or they would have gone mad. When I got back he was very angry but said he would "let me off this time".

    He's now trying to pressure me into booking plane tickets to fly over to his country to stay with him this summer for 9 weeks. I've already explained to him that I'll be starting university soon and need to save up, spend the summer working at home and getting organised but he just dismisses that. Every time I see him he asks me if I've got them and keeps emailing me ticket deals and stuff.

    He also keeps pressuring me to do stuff which I'm really not up for - I've made that clear from the start. Again this makes him quite angry and he makes comments like "it's his right and one day he'll act on it".

    The other day we were out and I left my bag with him when I went to the bathroom and I came back and he was blatantly looking through it - making no effort to hide it whatsoever saying "you can have no secrets from me"

    He also speaks to me as if I'm slightly stupid, he won't have any discussions, just lectures me with his opinions on politics. He thinks it's a bit of a joke that I'm going to university and has said a few times that they must be desperate to fill places in Britain. He's also commented a few times that I must be spoilt being an only child and likes to tie that in when I refuse to let him **** me saying things like "you can't alway get your way I know you're used to it but you're in the real world now".

    His behaviour makes my blood boil but I'm slightly wary of him too. I've been avoiding him (with great difficulty) since I returned after Christmas after trying and failing to have it out with him several times since my return.

    Yesterday, I finally managed to speak to him about it, prompted by yet another one of his remarks. He laughed at me. I lost my temper. I said I found his attitude to me highly offensive and patronising, I said that it was him at the **** university, not me. I said that if he should work on showing some ******* respect to other human beings, be more open to other things and above all stop being such a miserably bore - until he's managed that he should just stick to prostitutes. I said that I never want to see him or hear from him again and walked off.

    Obviously he was furious. He followed me home saying things like "you will pay for that", "you can't run away from me". He rang the door bell on and off for half an hour then apparently dissapeared. He returned at about 5am (drunk) and started yelling all sorts of lude and threatening things in the silence which I won't go into. I'm really frightened, I wish I'd never met him. I've told my flatmates to be careful when going out and not to let him in under any circumstances. He rung the doorbell several times again this morning and he hasn't calmed down in fact I think he might still be drunk. There's no way I can go out. I'm terrified.

    I'm in France btw so I don't know what the French police do about this sort of thing. I think he has to do something before they can do anything which I don't really want to give him the chance to do.

    Any advice would be much appreciated!
    If he keeps being menacing go to the police or gendarmerie, they might not let you "deposer plainte" but you can leave a "main courante" which could be useful if things escalate

    Good luck
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    dont try to reason with him at all as this shows him that if he hounds you enough, you will talk to him. ignore him completely. he is not only harrassing you, he is harrassing your flatmates so the police should be able to do something if they complain too? he seems to think he is superior to you/entitled to bully you and so i wouldnt think he is above being violent towards you... so please, in no way have any contact with him.
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    Thanks for the advice. I totally believe that he would be violent - he's come pretty close to it in the past and it wasn't self restraint that stopped him, it was us being in a public place.

    Tranferring unis is not really worth it because it's a year long gap year study programme and it ends in May anyway.

    If he comes back tonight, we're going to the police tomorrow.
 
 
 
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