Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Really, Really Unhappy and Depressed about my life. watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Hey, I don't want to turn this into a long post about myself whining on about my life so I'll try and be short and simple. I'm at a top ten Uni (don't want to say which one) and I keep going through periods of depression and unhappiness where I just have random outbursts of crying. Whenever, I'm unhappy it seems to be getting worse and worse like a spiralling hole of depression.

    The main reason I'm unhappy is because I'm really lonely here and I feel like I have no friends, I definatly don't have any close friends. It feels really sad and it makes me question What's wrong with me? Why doesn't anyone like me? I do make an effort, I've joined societies, gotten involved with our Halls JCR (students who organise stuff), gotten a job where I can meet people, I go out to the gym alot, I play team sports. Yet the only time I'm ever invited out is if there's something going on in the halls or if it's someones birthday and everyone is invited. I act confident yet, socially I feel awkward

    Other than that I'm having issues at the moment with my weight and exercise (I don't think I'll be happy until I have the body I did before I left for Uni which was washboard abs and a decent amount of muscle but, drinking and junk food has ruined that) but, I can deal with that by dieting, cardio and weightlifting so I'm not too fussed I just need to stay motivated with that.

    Another big problem is my work, I feel like it's all too much, even though it's only the first year and I havn't failed anything yet (I usually get between 50 to 70% on most of my work) but, I feel stupid compared to everyone else - I have the lowest A Levels here of anyone I've met and I only got in via adjustment, like some of the reading I don't understand and I've also taken Spanish as an open unit which I regret because there's so much work and I've fallen behind by quite a bit.

    That's it I guess, the main problem is my social situation getting me down, followed by my workload (Especially Spanish) and finally my weight and body image.

    This is mainly to rant and let it all out but, any advice is welcome. Cheers
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    I was pretty much exactly in your position at uni and whilst I decided to leave, I can maybe offer you some advice.

    Firstly, I found that in uni, if you want to go out, you sort of have to invite yourself out, or go out of your way to ask people you live near what they're doing that evening. I know it's really cringeworthy at times and if you were used to having loads of friends at school it can feel a bit desperate and soul destroying, but it's the only way you'll really get opportunities to go out as much as you'd like.

    Well done for getting involved in your JCR activities and sports teams and stuff, and just make sure you go to all the socials and stuff. I doubt there's anything wrong with you, and I'm sure the reason you think people don't like you is because they probably don't know you very well. I'd make as big an effort as possible to keep you uni door open, take the opportunity to join in with conversations with people, and if there are any big gatherings going on, join them. People don't care if you come and join in with their conversations - the more the merrier! Also, if nothing's organised for a night out, post something on facebook asking if people want to go to a particular bar, and ask people down the corridor or in your flat. From my experience, even if people have work to do, some will be free, and some will go out anyway If worst comes to worst, buy a cheap bottle of vodka and offer people shots or a drink in your room or something. I know it seems like buying friendship, but us teenagers are fickle like that

    If you're struggling with the workload, say something about it, or it will get you down even more. Try contacting your tutor or your course administator or disability liason person. They will often have some useful advice (they help you out if you're having a tough time, even if it's not due to a disability). Seriously, they probably won't know anything's wrong until you tell them.

    Just because your grades aren't as good as other peoples' grades it doesn't mean they are any better than you. I had worse grades than most people at my uni as well and felt like I didn't deserve to be there and that I was stupid in comparison, when in reality, I had as much right to be there as anyone else.

    If you're feeling down about yourself, try going to the gym more and don't succumb to the late night pizzas! You never know, you might meet some potential friends in the gym or a sports club.

    I really hope things start looking up for you.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    We have all been in similar situations before!
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    :console:..dw, the good times are coming ahead
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    I would seriously suggest you go and see your GP because it sounds like you may have medical depression and they would be able to offer you some advice and help or even medication if they thought it would help.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I skim read the first half. You set yourself high standards in keeping fit and the way in which you feel about your body so that you are almost a perfectionist. I think that you just have high expectations. The fact that people do ask you out shows that they must like you, but perhaps with your rigorous exercise regime, they think that you just don't have the time to come out if nothing spectacular is happening, which is why they ask you when there is something one or everyone else is out because it is probably going to be a big night, not jst a few bevvies in the pub. Join a club with some friends and jst go with the flow. If you feel depressed, see a doctor. Could be a hormone imbalance.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by pigwigeon)
    I was pretty much exactly in your position at uni and whilst I decided to leave, I can maybe offer you some advice.

    Firstly, I found that in uni, if you want to go out, you sort of have to invite yourself out, or go out of your way to ask people you live near what they're doing that evening. I know it's really cringeworthy at times and if you were used to having loads of friends at school it can feel a bit desperate and soul destroying, but it's the only way you'll really get opportunities to go out as much as you'd like.

    Well done for getting involved in your JCR activities and sports teams and stuff, and just make sure you go to all the socials and stuff. I doubt there's anything wrong with you, and I'm sure the reason you think people don't like you is because they probably don't know you very well. I'd make as big an effort as possible to keep you uni door open, take the opportunity to join in with conversations with people, and if there are any big gatherings going on, join them. People don't care if you come and join in with their conversations - the more the merrier! Also, if nothing's organised for a night out, post something on facebook asking if people want to go to a particular bar, and ask people down the corridor or in your flat. From my experience, even if people have work to do, some will be free, and some will go out anyway If worst comes to worst, buy a cheap bottle of vodka and offer people shots or a drink in your room or something. I know it seems like buying friendship, but us teenagers are fickle like that

    If you're struggling with the workload, say something about it, or it will get you down even more. Try contacting your tutor or your course administator or disability liason person. They will often have some useful advice (they help you out if you're having a tough time, even if it's not due to a disability). Seriously, they probably won't know anything's wrong until you tell them.

    Just because your grades aren't as good as other peoples' grades it doesn't mean they are any better than you. I had worse grades than most people at my uni as well and felt like I didn't deserve to be there and that I was stupid in comparison, when in reality, I had as much right to be there as anyone else.

    If you're feeling down about yourself, try going to the gym more and don't succumb to the late night pizzas! You never know, you might meet some potential friends in the gym or a sports club.

    I really hope things start looking up for you.
    Thank you that really helped, espeically since you've been in a similar situation. Although I don't feel comfortable knocking on random peoples doors I will go down to the bar tonight just to see who's there and make conversation with people. The problem is I don't seem to have any close friends only accquaintances who know me and I make small talk with.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Well small talk is a start. What about leaving your door open so you see people go past and say hi or say you have a bottle of wine that needs drinking. You need to make the first move. Can't always be waiting for people to invite you out.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by sidi)
    Well small talk is a start. What about leaving your door open so you see people go past and say hi or say you have a bottle of wine that needs drinking. You need to make the first move. Can't always be waiting for people to invite you out.
    Of course although I'm in a flat with 5 others sharing a corridor and a kitchen, although we all get along the three girls are quite close as are the other 2 guys. And 2 or3 of them never even bother with conversation even if I make the effort. For example "How's your day?" then I get a grunt or a monotone fine and it's up to me to drive the conversation because they can't be assed with me.
    Everyone has made friendship groups and they go out with them, I'm not in a particular group and I have no idea what to do. I always say Hi and I'm quite friendly, nice and helpful. So I have no idea why no one really likes me.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Stop being a big poofter. Your at a top ten uni, you do not have real problems.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by jj1234567890123)
    Stop being a big poofter. Your at a top ten uni, you do not have real problems.
    Contrary to popular opinion on TSR, Academia isn't the be all and end all of life itself
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Contrary to popular opinion on TSR, Academia isn't the be all and end all of life itself
    That was my point. Come across wrong.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you that really helped, espeically since you've been in a similar situation. Although I don't feel comfortable knocking on random peoples doors I will go down to the bar tonight just to see who's there and make conversation with people. The problem is I don't seem to have any close friends only accquaintances who know me and I make small talk with.

    That's alright When I was at Nottingham I found it really hard to see people, but found that going down to my hall bar I could normally find someone there. I didn't really have any close friends either but I guess you build them up from acquaintancies. Small talk is awful, but it's necessary if you want to have non-awkward conversation with people, eh? Hope it goes well for you tonight. I know exactly how **** it is to have no friends in a place you live 24/7.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    life works in opposites. night and day, hot and cold ect. thats how it works. if there is no sadness then there can be happiness. Happiness is merely not being sad. you think with evolution we would of got sue to the cold here in england, but we dont. why because if we got used o it then the warmth would be nothing. and what is a life without warmth. you need the bad to appreciate the good. This stage in your life will be a time to look back and compare. You will feel better but it will take time. time is the healer.
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey, I don't want to turn this into a long post about myself whining on about my life so I'll try and be short and simple. I'm at a top ten Uni (don't want to say which one) and I keep going through periods of depression and unhappiness where I just have random outbursts of crying. Whenever, I'm unhappy it seems to be getting worse and worse like a spiralling hole of depression.

    The main reason I'm unhappy is because I'm really lonely here and I feel like I have no friends, I definatly don't have any close friends. It feels really sad and it makes me question What's wrong with me? Why doesn't anyone like me? I do make an effort, I've joined societies, gotten involved with our Halls JCR (students who organise stuff), gotten a job where I can meet people, I go out to the gym alot, I play team sports. Yet the only time I'm ever invited out is if there's something going on in the halls or if it's someones birthday and everyone is invited. I act confident yet, socially I feel awkward

    Other than that I'm having issues at the moment with my weight and exercise (I don't think I'll be happy until I have the body I did before I left for Uni which was washboard abs and a decent amount of muscle but, drinking and junk food has ruined that) but, I can deal with that by dieting, cardio and weightlifting so I'm not too fussed I just need to stay motivated with that.

    Another big problem is my work, I feel like it's all too much, even though it's only the first year and I havn't failed anything yet (I usually get between 50 to 70% on most of my work) but, I feel stupid compared to everyone else - I have the lowest A Levels here of anyone I've met and I only got in via adjustment, like some of the reading I don't understand and I've also taken Spanish as an open unit which I regret because there's so much work and I've fallen behind by quite a bit.

    That's it I guess, the main problem is my social situation getting me down, followed by my workload (Especially Spanish) and finally my weight and body image.

    This is mainly to rant and let it all out but, any advice is welcome. Cheers
    What a levels did u get?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Blu3j4yw4y)
    Can't offer much advice, but depression's a ***** and I hope stuff works out for you A lot of people go through similar stuff, so you're not alone.

    Do you have any friends from High School or elsewhere you can contact and go out with? It might just cheer you up to spend some time with old mates and perhaps give you more confidence in forming new friendships.
    2 of my mates came round a few weeks ago for a gig and they stayed the night, which was nice of them. I'm visiting another mate I'm close with in about a month or so and I had a heartfelt (drunken) chat with another mate of mine the other week. Although tbh I want to have friends at Uni obviously I want to keep my friends from home. I just want to be more confident socially (I do act confident but, inside I'm ****) and be less socially awkward and well just make these accquaintances into mates but, they all have their own friendship groups so it's hard.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by pigwigeon)
    I was pretty much exactly in your position at uni and whilst I decided to leave, I can maybe offer you some advice.
    you're incredibly insightful, i decided to leave as well, how come you did? are you going back?

    yeah it is a really difficult transition, and it sounds like youre suffering from some form of depression, and even if it seems like the most repulsive idea in the world, seeing the gp just to kind of say it and get it out there can help alot. Then again if you're not feeling depressed, just not really fitting in


    well i cant really add to what brainbox above said
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey, I don't want to turn this into a long post about myself whining on about my life so I'll try and be short and simple. I'm at a top ten Uni (don't want to say which one) and I keep going through periods of depression and unhappiness where I just have random outbursts of crying. Whenever, I'm unhappy it seems to be getting worse and worse like a spiralling hole of depression.

    The main reason I'm unhappy is because I'm really lonely here and I feel like I have no friends, I definatly don't have any close friends. It feels really sad and it makes me question What's wrong with me? Why doesn't anyone like me? I do make an effort, I've joined societies, gotten involved with our Halls JCR (students who organise stuff), gotten a job where I can meet people, I go out to the gym alot, I play team sports. Yet the only time I'm ever invited out is if there's something going on in the halls or if it's someones birthday and everyone is invited. I act confident yet, socially I feel awkward

    Other than that I'm having issues at the moment with my weight and exercise (I don't think I'll be happy until I have the body I did before I left for Uni which was washboard abs and a decent amount of muscle but, drinking and junk food has ruined that) but, I can deal with that by dieting, cardio and weightlifting so I'm not too fussed I just need to stay motivated with that.

    Another big problem is my work, I feel like it's all too much, even though it's only the first year and I havn't failed anything yet (I usually get between 50 to 70% on most of my work) but, I feel stupid compared to everyone else - I have the lowest A Levels here of anyone I've met and I only got in via adjustment, like some of the reading I don't understand and I've also taken Spanish as an open unit which I regret because there's so much work and I've fallen behind by quite a bit.

    That's it I guess, the main problem is my social situation getting me down, followed by my workload (Especially Spanish) and finally my weight and body image.

    This is mainly to rant and let it all out but, any advice is welcome. Cheers

    Hi I'm in exactly the same boat except my post DID turn into a long post about myself whining about my life!...Pretty similar situation- good uni, not really having any close friends and it only being small talk, even the working out to get the body back and the Spanish subsid. Check out my post if you want and PM me any time, I know how you feel x
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by AreYouExperienced?)
    you're incredibly insightful, i decided to leave as well, how come you did? are you going back?
    Several reasons really. I ended up doing a course I hated (messed up my A Levels, had a place for Psychology there, but they offered me a place for Sociology on results day because my A Levels weren't good enough for psych. I absolutely hated sociology), I hated my hall and like the OP I found it really difficult to find friends and mix with people (most of whome decided they didn't like me within a week), my depression came back after being off medication and therapy for a year and the uni doctor told me what I was going through was "completely normal for a fresher" (I'm still dealing with it despite having been home for almost 3 months), then I got swine flu and my grandad died without me being able to say goodbye because I was on the other side of the country, my boyfriend had an offer and was supposed to live in the same hall, but missed his offer and didn't go.

    I'm not a brainbox! I just don't want to see other people feeling the way I did because it sucked. How come you left?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by pigwigeon)
    Several reasons really. I ended up doing a course I hated (messed up my A Levels, had a place for Psychology there, but they offered me a place for Sociology on results day because my A Levels weren't good enough for psych. I absolutely hated sociology), I hated my hall and like the OP I found it really difficult to find friends and mix with people (most of whome decided they didn't like me within a week), my depression came back after being off medication and therapy for a year and the uni doctor told me what I was going through was "completely normal for a fresher" (I'm still dealing with it despite having been home for almost 3 months), then I got swine flu and my grandad died without me being able to say goodbye because I was on the other side of the country, my boyfriend had an offer and was supposed to live in the same hall, but missed his offer and didn't go.

    I'm not a brainbox! I just don't want to see other people feeling the way I did because it sucked. How come you left?
    Wow, in a couple of ways your situation is very similar to mine, I decided to study Sociology (because I loved doing it at A Level and was good at it - planning to do a Law conversion when I'm done) and as you said the whole friends thing, Also my grandad died a few days before Christmas although for some reason I'm more upset about my own personal situation than by that (which to me seems selfish and makes me feel like a **** tbh)
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: February 10, 2010
Poll
Do you agree with the PM's proposal to cut tuition fees for some courses?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.