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Cheated on Boyfriend and Now scared He'll Leave Me watch

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    (Original post by Kara_Adams)
    I'm just such a horrible person! I haven’t slept properly all week because I feel so bad about everything. Wish I could change things.

    Basically, my boyfriend who I've been dating for a while now went on a holiday for a couple of weeks. I live with a guy who has always fancied me and then one time I kind of did some stuff with him but not had sex or anything. He's a lovely guy, I really like him but I only did the stuff because of a dare I had going. Stupid I know.

    Last week just before my boyfriend got back I went clubbing and I got horribly drunk and then I'm really not that sure of anything. All I know is that the next day I woke up in a guy’s bed and basically from what I remember is that we were very friendly with each other and then we ended up sleeping with each other. I was horribly drunk and I know I wouldn't have done it if I were sober.

    Now, I really really like my boyfriend. I don't want to break up with him but I also don't want to tell him what I've done as then he's sure to break up with me. I feel so guilty about it and wish I didn't do those things but it's too late now.

    Also, whilst he was away I had been leading 2 guys on, pretending that I was interested in them. I guess it was just loneliness and I craved attention. Not that that makes it any less wrong.

    So basically, do I tell him what I did and risk him dumping me or do I just not tell him. He's so happy so I think why spoil it now? At the moment only 3 people know about it and I'm fairly sure they'll keep quiet about it. Is this a really bad idea?

    If it were you would you really want to know??

    You sound like one classy lady.
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    (Original post by Doodahdoo)
    A few people are, yes, but a lot are replying simply saying "you're a slut/****/other insulting term!", or saying "well, you shouldn't've got so drunk" - which is all well and good with hindsight, but doesn't really help her now does it?

    I know, and I understand that it's a sore subject - I'm also speaking through my own personal experience of being cheated on - but you know what, people do **** up and make mistakes, and I think that being mature about it and discussing it thoroughly is far better than just breaking up with somebody or deeming somebody a slut based upon that. Being abusive tends not to help anybody; it ends up alienating the OP and pushing the thread off into a direction that isn't constructive.

    She hasn't told him the truth yes, but if she absolutely wasn't going to, she wouldn't've posted asking for advice. If you read her posts, the OP sounds regretful and as if it's eating away at her, it's not like she's "oh, well I cheated, big deal so long as he never finds out". And I didn't say that she'd dealt with it (which would imply her saying something to her boyfriend by now), I said that she seemed to be dealing with it.
    As the OPs post after this shows she blames other people for her mistakes and takes no responsibility. On top of that she actively calculated to string two guys along. So not only is she the type of girl who sleeps around, she is a girl lacking responsibility, she is a coward, she is an attention seeker and above all she is a ****. Sometimes, some people just are. This girl is.
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    What she did was wrong but if it was a guy who had cheated you wouldn't have half as many guys on here calling them a ****. Ah, don't you just love double standards.
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    Tell him, he deserves to know. You sound like a ****.
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    (Original post by paddyman4)
    If it helps, if I had been dating a girl for a while, and had got back from a 2 week holiday last week, and I knew from Facebook that my girlfriend had been clubbing just before I got back, and my girlfriend lived with a guy who seemed into her, I'd be a little suspicious if I read this post. Your boyfriend might be going through your old posts to try and work out if you're his girlfriend right now.

    Like I said, if it helps.
    True but as far as I know he don't come on this site and kara isn't my real name
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    (Original post by Kara_Adams)
    My friend said he's stop me after a couple but then I got carried away and I guess he forgot or found it funny to see me drunk. It happens. I'm not happy about what I did but it's happened now and I don't want to dwell on it.
    If we're talking about spelling words wrong, I'm pretty sure that should be stopped...
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    (Original post by gutterflower_19)
    Been in a similar situation. If you want to stay with your boyfriend, I wouldn't tell him - but only if you're absolutely sure he's not going to find out from someone else.

    And drink less. Alcohol isn't an excuse, but it is an explanation - of sorts. You clearly feel guilty - it would be more worrying if you didn't, so just don't do it again. Because apart from anything else, and whether your bf finds out or not, it isn't worth the guilt, is it?
    No, no, no! Alcohol is not a reason. 1) You know your limits, and you drink to that limit. If you choose to drink more, it is on your head. 2) You dont just magically forget you have a boyfriend after a few drinks. Nothing anybody can say will make me believe otherwise. Unless you are at the point of blackout, in which case it is most likely rape, you know you have a boyfriend else where.
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    (Original post by thisisyesterday)
    You sound like one classy lady.
    lol, and she still want's to look like a gleaming Angel who's done no wrong
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    (Original post by LeeMatthewsPhotography)
    granted she may be regretful, but the more time she waits the worse it will get, she should have told him the day after if not sooner.

    Granted a few people post seem rather abusive messages but to be fair it's understandable especially if they have gone through this. Granted those posts don't help but a few are posting quite insightful posts I think that should help her and i'm sorry for her to then suddenly comment on someones grammar if anything makes her out to be rather arrogant as if better than everyone who's posting.

    She has made a number of mistakes including trying to say someone can't spell, even if that was simply a jab at someone saying how disgusted they were with her, but in all honesty he should be disgusted, cheating on someone is simply inexcusable in my opinion.

    Alas it is not my, yours or anyone else problems, it's hers and the longer she waits to tell him the worse his reaction will be come D-Day.
    It's not "a few people" though, is it? Most of this thread is littered with people saying that she's a **** and she shouldn't drink - both of which are wholly unfair, as nobody knows anything about her apart from this. And even if you have been through your partner cheating on you [you in this case people a poster, not you personally], that doesn't mean that you have the right to unquestionably and uncircumstantially judge this member for what she's done. As I've said, I've been cheated on before, and yes, it's horrible - but I'm not replying saying "oh, you ****gy hobag!", because that's just not beneficial. If you've got issues with your partner cheating on you, deal with them in a different place. This thread isn't for you venting your issues [again, you being one, not you personally].

    And most of the insightful posts are saying that she does need to tell him, and she needs to tell him asap - which I do wholeheartedly agree with. The spelling thing is irrelevant; that's why you don't like her, but that's not important to the rest of the thread or the attitudes of some of the members posting here.

    I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree on the point about cheating being inexcusable. I think that people make mistakes, but it's what you do after the mistake and how regretful you are that shows how you feel, not the act itself. Cheating is an awful thing to do, but it's quite immature, in my opinion, to make it terminal to the relationship, especially if you love each other and are going to be unhappy being apart.
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    (Original post by *Darcie*)
    What she did was wrong but if it was a guy who had cheated you wouldn't have half as many guys on here calling them a ****. Ah, don't you just love double standards.
    Yes because **** is a distinctly female word. Words like ***head, ****hole, c*** etc etc would be bandied about instead. All as correct as the term '****' applied to this girl.
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    Well, you're not going to get a lot of sympathy from the TSR public, and probably quite deservedly so. HOWEVER, that doesn't mean you deserve the abuse you're getting along with it. The healthy part is you've acknowledged your mistakes and you want to put an end to it.

    I would be trhuthful, because relationships depend on trust like there's no tomorrow.

    If he dumps you, then I don't blame him. If he doesn't dump you, consider yourself very lucky and do your bloody damnest to make it up to him.

    If the relationship does break up, you need to look at yourself. Are you really suited for relationships? Are you the type who should maybe not get so paraletic next time? I'd get some professional help as to discover what makes you want the attention and desire.

    Find out some truths about yourself most of all. You're not a ****, but you've done something very, very stupid.

    Good luck.
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    (Original post by *Darcie*)
    What she did was wrong but if it was a guy who had cheated you wouldn't have half as many guys on here calling them a ****. Ah, don't you just love double standards.
    Exactly!
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    (Original post by Doodahdoo)

    And most of the insightful posts are saying that she does need to tell him, and she needs to tell him asap - which I do wholeheartedly agree with. The spelling thing is irrelevant; that's why you don't like her, but that's not important to the rest of the thread or the attitudes of some of the members posting here.
    Well obviously she doesn't love him or she wouldn't be on here. As for the posters I will agree there are a lot of angry posts but it's to be expected really.

    and she does need to tell him, and stop hiding away
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    (Original post by meskell)
    As the OPs post after this shows she blames other people for her mistakes and takes no responsibility. On top of that she actively calculated to string two guys along. So not only is she the type of girl who sleeps around, she is a girl lacking responsibility, she is a coward, she is an attention seeker and above all she is a ****. Sometimes, some people just are. This girl is.
    I like how you're basing these huge personality flaws on three points that the OP made. She accepts that she was wrong for cheating on her boyfriend and, later in the replies, for drinking that much - although there was a slight removal of blame. I don't think she ever insinuated that she 'sleeps around', just that she had slept with this guy. Sleeping with a guy/cheating =/= sleeping around, really.

    As for your other points, well, as I've said, you've no reason to think that apart from the few points she's made on here, so nice one for jumping to conclusions about somebody you have no idea about :rolleyes:
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    Stop hiding your self behind your finger. You are a slut no matter what you say. If you know that you can't drink much, then why did you do it.
    A person who has respect for him/her self doesn't get drunk and behave like a stupid. And even when you were in full consciousness you were flirting with TWO guys. What does this mean?!

    Obviously the word "faithful" doesn't exist in your dictionary, as you couldn't even wait few weeks till your boyfriend comes back. I feel sorry for him, he deserves better than you...:cool:
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    You sound like a bit of an arse to be honest, the 'I was drunk' excuse won't work and you deserve to be dumped, especially as it's happened twice (being a dare doesn't change anything, if you liked him that much, you'd respect him and not do anything, dare or not).

    Anyway, if I was your boyfriend I wouldn't want to know, ignorance is bliss but I suppose it now depends on your morality - could you ever feel the same way about him and act the same knowing what you've done? You'll get varying opinions from people saying that everyone makes mistakes etc but the truth is, no one wants something like this to happen to them and it's alot harder to forget about it than you might think.

    If you want him to dump you, tell him. If you want the relationship to continue, under no circumstances should you tell him.
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    Oh 5) Why tell the whole of TSR that you cant keep your legs shut, but you don't have the decency to tell you're bloke? If you expect people to be nicer to you, I'd gain some courage and tell him.
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    (Original post by LeeMatthewsPhotography)
    Well obviously she doesn't love him or she wouldn't be on here. As for the posters I will agree there are a lot of angry posts but it's to be expected really.

    and she does need to tell him, and stop hiding away
    Well yes, as I've said before, I agree with the last point.
    But the angry posts shouldn't be expected. As I've said, this isn't the place to moan or vent about your feelings - if you want to do that, go to General Discussion or Debate and Discussion, or even make your own thread on here about it. But if somebody is posting in H&R for advice, it's plain rude and unnecessary to reply with unproductive, unhelpful and offensive replies.

    And I wouldn't agree with your first comment, either. People can do ridiculous things, even if they are in love. It doesn't demerit or undermine the relationship; it's a mistake, and it happens.
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    (Original post by Kara_Adams)
    I don't always sleep around so I don't see how this makes me a ****. It was just one time and I didn't know what I was doing as I was really really drunk.
    The drunk thing isn't an excuse. I've been close to comotose from drinking before and I'd still be able to stop myself from scoring and riding a bird. I'm not trying to put you down cos I have no problem with people sleeping around, but please, do everyone a favour and don't use the 'i was really drunk,it wasn't my fault excuse'.
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    (Original post by Kara_Adams)
    I'm just such a horrible person! I haven’t slept properly all week because I feel so bad about everything. Wish I could change things.

    Basically, my boyfriend who I've been dating for a while now went on a holiday for a couple of weeks. I live with a guy who has always fancied me and then one time I kind of did some stuff with him but not had sex or anything. He's a lovely guy, I really like him but I only did the stuff because of a dare I had going. Stupid I know.

    Last week just before my boyfriend got back I went clubbing and I got horribly drunk and then I'm really not that sure of anything. All I know is that the next day I woke up in a guy’s bed and basically from what I remember is that we were very friendly with each other and then we ended up sleeping with each other. I was horribly drunk and I know I wouldn't have done it if I were sober.

    Now, I really really like my boyfriend. I don't want to break up with him but I also don't want to tell him what I've done as then he's sure to break up with me. I feel so guilty about it and wish I didn't do those things but it's too late now.

    Also, whilst he was away I had been leading 2 guys on, pretending that I was interested in them. I guess it was just loneliness and I craved attention. Not that that makes it any less wrong.

    So basically, do I tell him what I did and risk him dumping me or do I just not tell him. He's so happy so I think why spoil it now? At the moment only 3 people know about it and I'm fairly sure they'll keep quiet about it. Is this a really bad idea?

    If it were you would you really want to know??

    hmmmm..this is a tough one...look i can tellu one thing with all certainty.....if he knows , the relationship will NOT WORK............

    u have a couple of choices....tell him and know that is the end of ur relationship....dont tell him and deal with the guilt.....personally , as a guy , I would rather u tell me so i can end it.....just my opinion.....to do that means u dont respect him....sorry..but it is true
 
 
 
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