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I love him but should I break up with him? watch

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    Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years (since I was 14). At the moment we are in a LDR as he is at uni and I will be going to university next year, making the distance between us further. In the past I have had doubts about our relationship, because I get the feeling we will end up getting married etc. and this almost terrifies me because I've never been with anyone else, so how can I really know that he's the best person out there for me? These doubts I have had in the past have been becoming more and more regular and persistant.

    It's driving me crazy because I don't know what to do. He's not just my boyfriend, he's my best friend. I care about him more than the world and the thought of hurting him makes me feel disgusting. I feel like I can't talk to him about this because it would hurt his feelings. Obviously I can't just say "oh I want a break" and go off and try dating a few other people, because that would be horrible of me. If I break up with him over this I could easily realise I'd made a mistake, but it be too late for me to do anything about it. But if I stay with him I'm almost certain there worries won't go away.

    Absolutely no idea what to do.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)

    It's driving me crazy because I don't know what to do. He's not just my boyfriend, he's my best friend. I care about him more than the world and the thought of hurting him makes me feel disgusting. I feel like I can't talk to him about this because it would hurt his feelings. Obviously I can't just say "oh I want a break" and go off and try dating a few other people, because that would be horrible of me. If I break up with him over this I could easily realise I'd made a mistake, but it be too late for me to do anything about it. But if I stay with him I'm almost certain there worries won't go away.

    Absolutely no idea what to do.
    "What to do?" Famous book by Chernishevskiy.Read it and make conclusions.
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    You need to be honest with him. Explain your feelings, he should understand. But reiterate that you love him etc. I know it might seem selfish, but once in a while you have to do something because it's the best thing for you. Going on a break doesn't mean splitting up. It just gives you time to clear your head and think straight about your problems. Go out and socialize (without cheating) and just investigate whether you really want this relationship or whether you'd rather play the field. If the only thing holding you back is that you're afraid to hurt him, I'd suggest that means you shouldn't be with him. For his sake and yours. A relationship shouldn't be fuelled by negativity (ie your guilt at leaving him). See, what is selfish is to string him along as some sort of back up plan. You owe it to him to be honest and set him free if you're having profound doubts. On the other hand, your time apart during a break might help you see that really, you do want to be with him. Don't rule out true love just because you found it in your first guy! I know girls that would envy such a
    position! But overall, the decision comes
    down to you. Go with your gut feeling and trust that it will see you through. Mine always do, in the end. Don't worry too much about hurting him - breaking up, although sad, is a formative experience and he should be able to move on. And it's not your fault if he can't. Just go with your instincts.
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    (Original post by Cat285)
    You need to be honest with him. Explain your feelings, he should understand. But reiterate that you love him etc. I know it might seem selfish, but once in a while you have to do something because it's the best thing for you. Going on a break doesn't mean splitting up. It just gives you time to clear your head and think straight about your problems. Go out and socialize (without cheating) and just investigate whether you really want this relationship or whether you'd rather play the field. If the only thing holding you back is that you're afraid to hurt him, I'd suggest that means you shouldn't be with him. For his sake and yours. A relationship shouldn't be fuelled by negativity (ie your guilt at leaving him). See, what is selfish is to string him along as some sort of back up plan. You owe it to him to be honest and set him free if you're having profound doubts. On the other hand, your time apart during a break might help you see that really, you do want to be with him. Don't rule out true love just because you found it in your first guy! I know girls that would envy such a
    position! But overall, the decision comes
    down to you. Go with your gut feeling and trust that it will see you through. Mine always do, in the end. Don't worry too much about hurting him - breaking up, although sad, is a formative experience and he should be able to move on. And it's not your fault if he can't. Just go with your instincts.
    Thanks that's really helpful. Maybe a break would be the best thing. I just feel like whatever I do next will have huge implications, and I don't want to do the wrong thing and regret it forever.

    I think I'm at a time where a lot of changes are happening in my life. I'm on a gap year, most of my friends have gone to uni, I've started working and I'm going travelling soon. And then after that I'll be off to uni, which is surely one of the biggest changes someone can go through? I don't want to make the mistake of thinking breaking up with him is the way to deal with these changes. Everything's so confused in my head that I don't even understand it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years (since I was 14). At the moment we are in a LDR as he is at uni and I will be going to university next year, making the distance between us further. In the past I have had doubts about our relationship, because I get the feeling we will end up getting married etc. and this almost terrifies me because I've never been with anyone else, so how can I really know that he's the best person out there for me? These doubts I have had in the past have been becoming more and more regular and persistant.

    It's driving me crazy because I don't know what to do. He's not just my boyfriend, he's my best friend. I care about him more than the world and the thought of hurting him makes me feel disgusting. I feel like I can't talk to him about this because it would hurt his feelings. Obviously I can't just say "oh I want a break" and go off and try dating a few other people, because that would be horrible of me. If I break up with him over this I could easily realise I'd made a mistake, but it be too late for me to do anything about it. But if I stay with him I'm almost certain there worries won't go away.

    Absolutely no idea what to do.
    Well i can't tell you what your choice is the right or wrong. You tell me. There is no right or wrong. Concerns like these should be talked to your partner. LDR in general don't work for most but doesn't say it doesn't work for all. I mean 4 years together and took you to realise the future. No offence but everyone will depart in a relationship once, i'm just see-ing how less you love him that your not committed to at least try but to give it. Other people will think the opposite and worried that they will hurt them if they cheat on them or it doesn't work out.

    I'm not telling you how to live your love life, i'm just giving you advice on how i see this, whether you take it on board or not. Its your choice, you may find someone better or may not. All i can say is, he may be thinking the same thing but he may be willing to try to make things work.

    Best to talk this through with your partner than jumping the gun too quickly. Relationship these days, couples will have to go through hardships as well, no one said relationships are easy.
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    I can see where you're coming from. My boyfriend, although we've only been together since August, are very close, and our relationship has moved way, way faster than I could anticipate to the extent that we already have plans to move in together, not only this, but he is my first serious relationship -- and an LDR relationship.

    I am though a strong believer that breaks don't work. A break is a beginning of the end. I think if you speak to him about it, you could risk your entire relationship. You need to seriously think about this. Do you really love him, because if you do, you shouldn't need a break, and you shouldn't need someone else.
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    I have had pretty much the same feelings as you at times, me and my boyfriend are in a LDR and been together four years too!

    Anyway, when I think this I just sort of tell myself, what would be the point of breaking up with him if I love him, just for the sake of seeing if I can have something better? So many people would give anything to have as solid a relationship as ours/yours.

    I know its scary when people assume you'll end up married just because you've been together for quite some time, and you know people break up even after ten years together or more without getting married! If the relationship you are in feels right, right now, then it would be silly to throw it away out of curiosity.

    Like you said, you love him more than anything, and I think your feelings stem mostly from what is seen as the social norm for teenagers to be with many different people rather than be settled in a long term relationship. But not everyone is the same. Think what you would actually gain from breaking up with your boyfriend just for a couple of flings - a few extra notches on your bedpost? Would it really be worth throwing away what you have?

    If your relationship fizzles out in the future, then is the time to go explore other relationships etc, but if you're in love right now then it would be a mistake to end it for all the wrong reasons.
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    iam kinda in the same position
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    Nothing wrong with the occasional doubt, the conclusions drawn from them could make you much stronger in the long run. If you really love him, you'll find a way through this and a way to make it work. Good luck.
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    Honesty is the most important thing. Whilst it may hurt him, that is only short-term, and he'll be able to help you. I've had the same doubts myself, and it turned out they weren't the right person for me, but that doesn't mean it's the same for you.
 
 
 
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