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Should I go to uni? Relationship/life related Watch

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    I turn 21 in May. I've been with my girlfriend for ~16 months & we live together. I'm in my final year of training to be an electrician (not employed in the industry though), and am thinking about my career prospects. I've always wanted to study it at HND level, and move into design engineering.

    I suffered with mental illness before I met my girlfriend, which basically meant I didn't do anything academically until I was 19. When I finish college, I'll have the right qualifications to go onto Uni, but that's my dilemma.

    I want to go, but don't want to at the same time. I want to go because it's something I enjoy, it'll lead to a more enjoyable career for me with a better salary. I'll be in a better position to provide for my girlfriend/kids (should we have any).

    I don't want to go, because it'll add an extra 2 years onto any plans we have. An extra 2 years before we're in a position to buy a house, get married, potentially have kids. My girlfriend finishes uni this year, and I think it's unfair that everything should be delayed for 2 years for my sake. We'd carry on living together if I went to uni, presumably she'd find a job & I'd do whatever work I could fit around studying. We'd be ~ 2 hours from home.

    She says she doesn't mind, and is happy as long as I'm happy, but the look on her face when she realised everything would be delayed by 2 years said otherwise.

    I want to go, because in the long-term it'll be better for both of us - both financially and in terms of my health (my Dad is a tradesman, he's constantly in pain from doing a manual job all of his life, so I can only presume being an electrician for the next 40+ years will have the same effect on me). But in the short-medium term, it'll mean not much money and putting everything on hold, just because of me.

    Advice/opinions? I'm really not sure what to do.

    Thanks.
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    You have to think about your future. Do whats best, which at the moment would seem to be going to uni. Plus you've said yourself that you'd love it. Don't worry about your girlfriend, she will come around to it, just remember to treat her after you finish uni and get yourself a job.
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    (Original post by Absurd.)
    You have to think about your future. Do whats best, which at the moment would seem to be going to uni. Plus you've said yourself that you'd love it. Don't worry about your girlfriend, she will come around to it, just remember to treat her after you finish uni and get yourself a job.
    Thanks. I showed her your post, she wants to know what I'm treating her to in 2 years time.

    Interested to hear other opinions as well.

    There's an option to do a HNC part-time, and do another year part-time to make it a HND, which in total would be an extra year on top of the HND full-time. But I doubt I'll be able to find a job anyway, and there will be ~150 people leaving my college this year with the exact same qualifications, but with more experience. My current job will end in May, so in one way this seems a good option, but on the other hand I feel selfish & that I'd be holding my girlfriend back with regards to house, marriage etc.
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    I'd go for it personally. Have a big chat with your girlfriend, and really get her opinion. If it just turns out that she simply doesn't mind, go to uni; if you think it's going to make your future better then it's definitely worth doing! I'm just thinking about the long term, for the short term I think you two have to sit down and each put forward your concerns, and try and work out what's best.
    Hope this helps!
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    I think you should definitely go to uni. You have to think about the future.2 years isn't that long compared to afterwards- your entire life. You'll be in a much better position once you're better educated, because you'll have more job prospects and be able to earn more money. It isn't selfish to try to become better educated to give yourself, your girlfriend and eventually maybe your family a better life. Although 2 years may seem like a long time, it'll be worth it in the long term, and I think she'll realize that too.
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    In simple terms, if you don't study now, in the future you might start to resent her for "holding you back", and it would be the end of your relationship anyway. Then you'd have no gf and no quals!
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    For your sake go as you never know what the future holds for you and your girlfriend. If you were to spilt up, you'd be the one without a high qualification not her.
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    (Original post by Waffles)
    Thanks. I showed her your post, she wants to know what I'm treating her to in 2 years time.

    Interested to hear other opinions as well.

    There's an option to do a HNC part-time, and do another year part-time to make it a HND, which in total would be an extra year on top of the HND full-time. But I doubt I'll be able to find a job anyway, and there will be ~150 people leaving my college this year with the exact same qualifications, but with more experience. My current job will end in May, so in one way this seems a good option, but on the other hand I feel selfish & that I'd be holding my girlfriend back with regards to house, marriage etc.

    well i think you should go. Two years really will go quickly and if you dont do it now it will be so much harder to do later on once you have a mortgage/kids, you really wont be able to afford it then.

    i feel for you as i am sort of in a similar position - i have just started a 3 year course in september and i'm 21. I feel frustrated because I just think if only I'd known this is what i wanted to do when i was 18, i would be finishing this year and me and my bf could be saving to buy a house and having kids next year. I had to really force myself to do this course because i really just wanted to have kids but I thought if I dont do it now, I will never get round to it and that would be a shame. I'm half way through my first year now and i cant believe how quickly its going - and i have to do 3 years! 2 years will fly by and you will both benefit from it in the end

    i hope your gf comes round to the idea, its probably just the initial disappointment of having to postpone things but you will both get used to it. good luck
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    Have you thought about the strain that financial problems could have on you both later on? If you were to have children say in the next year, or buy a house, your child and mortgage costs would be high and that may cause tension - it really is frustrating having to watch the pennies all the time, or never being able to go to the pub for a drink together because you should be saving that couple of quid.

    I think that in the long term, it would be a better idea to go to university. It'd increase your employability, your job security at the end of it, your wage and your financial situation, after the initial debt (which you can obviously pay off slowly). The wage increase from having a degree is more than enough to make it worth the debt and time invested in getting one.

    Your girlfriend may be initially miffed and sad (I really sympathise, as I'm DESPERATELY broody myself and have to hold off until my boyfriend and I both finish our degrees and have some money!), but she's obviously very supportive and open minded about your future together. The time really does go quickly, and you can begin to set up your future lives while you're studying. For example your girlfriend could look at wedding plans, or start looking for the ideal place to buy a house, etc - your life isn't put entirely on hold, it's just developing more gradually than you initially thought. Also, you'll still be able to live together which is a huge bonus, so she won't be missing out on cuddles

    Ultimately OP do what you think is best for the both of you, but I think perhaps at this stage in your life it may be a good idea to get some more qualifications under your belt, especially with the dodgy job market - it doesn't have to be university, but you do seem pretty motivated to study further so it's probably a good plan for you. Just make sure you treat your girlfriend with lots and lots of spa days...

    All the best OP! x
 
 
 
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