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My parents keep arguing and it depresses me. watch

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    As per title. My dad totally disrespects my mum. He works long hours, barely comes home, treats it a bit like a B n B. None of us are close with him and although we make the effort he barely says 2 words. Yesterday he had promised to come home at midnight. It got to 2.30 am and no sign of him. Eventually he called my mum saying he had fallen asleep at work (he's a doctor) and wasn't coming home. She went mad at him and now he isn't talking to her. They argue loads and everytime they do, they don't speak to each other for a good few months. I can't bear the tension anymore. I am at uni but have come home for the week and this is what happens. I am fed up of them both arguing. How do you guys cope in situations like this?
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    Bumped.
    • #2
    #2

    I have the same problem

    Just relax and try to ignore it.

    If that doesn't work try talking to your mum about the problem and tell her how you feel, she might at least not argue with him in front of you!

    Good luck with it and stay positive.
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    ^^ agreed.
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    I feel so depressed
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    I think there are only a lucky few who's parents are completely happily married.

    Arguments are pretty normal between parents - granted, some are more intense than others.

    I'm sort of in the same position as you, but it's been the same since I was a baby. I think at one point, you just need to realise that you can't let what goes on between them affect you. It's easier said than done I know. But what goes on between them, is between them. They both love you unconditionally and that's all you need to remember.

    You're at uni now, so you'll just be getting more and more independent as the years go by.

    But what you can do is use this experience and make sure history doesn't repeat itself.
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    OP-My parents are divorced and my stepdad isn't an awful lot better, so I can sympathise. All I can say is that it can be really upsetting, but at least you're not in that all the time and can get away. I'd suggest trying to spend time with them separately and talk about things, doing it whilst they're together could spark more arguments. Might be harder with your dad's job to talk to him in some downtime but I'm sure your mum could do with some support at least, and try to catch your dad on a day off or even just a free hour (since you say he doesn't want to talk to you, maybe write down what you want to say?). They're adults after all, they've been together a long time and inevitably nobody's relationships are going to be perfect. If they're not going to be able to fix things try not to get down about it, it might be better for both of them and it might be better for you in the long term even when it's initially difficult.

    Overall just good luck and I hope you can stay positive as someone above has said I'd say the most important thing is to support your mum.
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    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think there are only a lucky few who's parents are completely happily married.

    Arguments are pretty normal between parents - granted, some are more intense than others.

    I'm sort of in the same position as you, but it's been the same since I was a baby. I think at one point, you just need to realise that you can't let what goes on between them affect you. It's easier said than done I know. But what goes on between them, is between them. They both love you unconditionally and that's all you need to remember.

    You're at uni now, so you'll just be getting more and more independent as the years go by.

    But what you can do is use this experience and make sure history doesn't repeat itself.
    That's such a touching message.

    I definitely don't want my kids to suffer the way we have. I am constantly living in fear of them arguing, to the point everytime my mum rings my heart drops. It's really hard to block it out because I feel sorry for my mum and how downtrodden she is but I am completely helpless. Thanks for your help.
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    He might be having an affair, be cautious.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That's such a touching message.

    I definitely don't want my kids to suffer the way we have. I am constantly living in fear of them arguing, to the point everytime my mum rings my heart drops. It's really hard to block it out because I feel sorry for my mum and how downtrodden she is but I am completely helpless. Thanks for your help.
    No problem. Just know that you're not alone and it's really not as unusuall as you think it might be. There was a point when whenever I heard a slightly raised voice in the house, as you said, my heart would drop, and I'd literally pray that my parents weren't arguing again.

    I guess you haven't got there yet, but I really do think that you get too a stage where you learn to separate what goes on with how you feel and it'll stop getting you down as much.

    As someone said before, be there for your mum. You said your dad isn't home often - that leaves plenty of time for you to have a laugh with your mum and forget all of life's worries! Sometimes, a bit of quality time really can make things so much better!
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    A lot of people are in a similar position, it's so human. Don't blame yourself, whatever you do.

    My parents have been married for a long time, almost 30 years, but they argue like crazy. My mum is the breadwinner of the house, and what makes things worse is that my dad has a short fuse and a big ego, and my mum is so volatile and silly that she doesn't know when things are getting so serious that she should stop arguing or else she - or my brother and I - might get hurt. Many times she has wound him up and then gone out, slamming the door, leaving him pent up with rage in a house with two children that he threatened he would murder if ever they break up.

    It's so easy to hate both parents, but if anything, it just dispells any faith in marriage that humans try to kid themselves of. It's not natural to be monogamous for so long, and being bound by law worsens things, in my opinion.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    A lot of people are in a similar position, it's so human. Don't blame yourself, whatever you do.

    My parents have been married for a long time, almost 30 years, but they argue like crazy. My mum is the breadwinner of the house, and what makes things worse is that my dad has a short fuse and a big ego, and my mum is so volatile and silly that she doesn't know when things are getting so serious that she should stop arguing or else she - or my brother and I - might get hurt. Many times she has wound him up and then gone out, slamming the door, leaving him pent up with rage in a house with two children that he threatened he would murder if ever they break up.

    It's so easy to hate both parents, but if anything, it just dispells any faith in marriage that humans try to kid themselves of. It's not natural to be monogamous for so long, and being bound by law worsens things, in my opinion.
    Exactly. Why don't your parents get divorced? My mum seems to think it's unfair on us! I would gladly welcome the day they got divorced!
    • #2
    #2

    Hopefully this won't sound too cliched but all parents argue, its natural.

    Your role in this is to not focus on it because as crazy as this might sound when you focus on something like I know you are the situation just seems to get worse and worse.

    Next time your parents have an argument get some earplugs or leave the house.

    It really works wonders for your sanity

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hopefully this won't sound too cliched but all parents argue, its natural.

    Your role in this is to not focus on it because as crazy as this might sound when you focus on something like I know you are the situation just seems to get worse and worse.

    Next time your parents have an argument get some earplugs or leave the house.

    It really works wonders for your sanity

    Gosh, you give great advice! Wish you weren't anon so I could rep you and talk to you!
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    A lot of anonymous posts in this thread, and honestly I can understand why. Family issues are the absolute worst

    My parents used to to the same thing. My dad got into a pattern of coming home at 10-12pm every night, because I know he couldn't tolerate staying longer There was a particular month when their arguments really hit the roof, and I remember crying myself to sleep every night, trying to drown out their voices or my own thoughts I remember my mum actually losing her voice from shouting too much.

    I would never ever let my children go through the same thing either. Divorce would be better than watching that.

    It's really difficult to give advice, for if there was good advice, I would've taken them too!! I agree that distracting yourself, going out, meet a friend etc is a good choice. Just not involve yourself in it
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    Same kinda situation here (and has been for the past 4/5 years!), but my mum has now effectively split up with my dad and told him she'll buy his share of the house etc. It's hard though, because my dad blames my mum for everything, when it's been him (accusing her of alsorts with her colleagues) that has caused the arguments and now them splitting up. But when he's putting all the blame on her, both me and my brother step in and defend her, and then we get accused of not caring about him and how mum has brainwashed us (I'm 20 and brother is 24.. we're not kids!).

    Part of it though is my dad has a habit of lying, and that really gets to me. I rang his work few weeks ago, and I got told it had been taken over and he no longer worked there. So I rang his mobile, asked him where he was, and he says work. It just makes me think well if he's lied about that what else has he lied about, which isn't nice.

    It's the same now with my dad, he thinks he lives in a hotel. I usually do the dinner most nights if I'm home before everyone else, and he'd come in and eat without even saying thank you, so I've stopped doing his dinner, I know it sounds childish but when he tells me I don't give a damn about him then what does he expect. Same with the washing/ironing, I used to do everyone's, but our washing machine broke, so he took his washing and my brothers to a launderette to do yet left mine and mums, so I've stopped doing his because he just doesn't appreciate anything you do.

    I guess a good point is that you're away from home for Uni, but just make the most of the time with your mum, I've got closer to mine because of all this, but it is sometimes hard being caught in the middle!

    Hope it works out
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    (Original post by small&mighty)
    Same kinda situation here (and has been for the past 4/5 years!), but my mum has now effectively split up with my dad and told him she'll buy his share of the house etc. It's hard though, because my dad blames my mum for everything, when it's been him (accusing her of alsorts with her colleagues) that has caused the arguments and now them splitting up. But when he's putting all the blame on her, both me and my brother step in and defend her, and then we get accused of not caring about him and how mum has brainwashed us (I'm 20 and brother is 24.. we're not kids!).

    Part of it though is my dad has a habit of lying, and that really gets to me. I rang his work few weeks ago, and I got told it had been taken over and he no longer worked there. So I rang his mobile, asked him where he was, and he says work. It just makes me think well if he's lied about that what else has he lied about, which isn't nice.

    It's the same now with my dad, he thinks he lives in a hotel. I usually do the dinner most nights if I'm home before everyone else, and he'd come in and eat without even saying thank you, so I've stopped doing his dinner, I know it sounds childish but when he tells me I don't give a damn about him then what does he expect. Same with the washing/ironing, I used to do everyone's, but our washing machine broke, so he took his washing and my brothers to a launderette to do yet left mine and mums, so I've stopped doing his because he just doesn't appreciate anything you do.

    I guess a good point is that you're away from home for Uni, but just make the most of the time with your mum, I've got closer to mine because of all this, but it is sometimes hard being caught in the middle!

    Hope it works out
    Gosh he sounds just like my dad!

    My dad lies all the time...to the point of being petty....like he'll tell my mum he said he would be back at midnight when we all heard him say 9pm or whatever...he lies about how much money he has in bank, how much money he sends his family, the list goes on!

    And yes, it looks like we are all ganging up on him and my brainwashes us apparently.....but we take her side because we can all see how unbearable he is! And also she makes more effort with us as a parent whereas he never comes home and when he does just sleeps and eats...he doesn't lift a finger round the house.

    Doesn't it make you think you will never behvae like that when you're a parent? Let's hope we are a lot nicer to our kids!
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    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by Meh.)
    A lot of anonymous posts in this thread, and honestly I can understand why. Family issues are the absolute worst

    My parents used to to the same thing. My dad got into a pattern of coming home at 10-12pm every night, because I know he couldn't tolerate staying longer There was a particular month when their arguments really hit the roof, and I remember crying myself to sleep every night, trying to drown out their voices or my own thoughts I remember my mum actually losing her voice from shouting too much.

    I would never ever let my children go through the same thing either. Divorce would be better than watching that.

    It's really difficult to give advice, for if there was good advice, I would've taken them too!! I agree that distracting yourself, going out, meet a friend etc is a good choice. Just not involve yourself in it
    Ah you sound like how I feel....I used to cry at night too...once we had to physically seperae them because she was going to throw herself off the top of the stairs and he was going to hit her...they were both screaming, we were crying....it was horrendous.

    I guess we should just live our own lives to the full and yes make sure our children don't suffer the way we have.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Gosh he sounds just like my dad!

    My dad lies all the time...to the point of being petty....like he'll tell my mum he said he would be back at midnight when we all heard him say 9pm or whatever...he lies about how much money he has in bank, how much money he sends his family, the list goes on!

    And yes, it looks like we are all ganging up on him and my brainwashes us apparently.....but we take her side because we can all see how unbearable he is! And also she makes more effort with us as a parent whereas he never comes home and when he does just sleeps and eats...he doesn't lift a finger round the house.

    Doesn't it make you think you will never behvae like that when you're a parent? Let's hope we are a lot nicer to our kids!
    Before I've had money gone missing like from my jacket, and he'll say it's not him, yet he's the only one who was downstairs at the time, so now I have to hide everything, including my car keys as his plays up and he wouldn't hesitate to take mine if his wouldn't work. It's the same with him and money, I couldn't claim for income assessed student finance because he wouldn't show anyone his P60 or even fill in the form for me. Yet when my brother spends all his money within two weeks of being paid my dads a personal cash machine, while I'm at Uni, have paid for my driving lessons then my car/insurance/petrol myself, with a part time job at the weekend. Just annoys me that my dad will hand everything on a plate to my brother yet I've worked hard all through school and now Uni to get where/what I want.

    That's exactly how it is here as well, mums always been the one who has made the effort, she always went to parents evening at school, got presents for christmas/birthdays, kept on top of the housework when we were little and held down a full time job.

    And definitely! I had a lot of bad teachers whilst at school, and I'm training to be a Primary School teacher now and I know exactly how I won't be down to the experience I've had, same kinda thing with parenthood!
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    Same I'm upset
 
 
 
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