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I need sensible advice about my relationship Watch

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    Hello all, i've been going through a terrible time with my boyfriend of over 3 yrs.
    Basically, i feel like i've had a bit of a breakdown with things - i haven't seen him for 3 weeks and can't remember the last thing we did together (for record, we are in long distance relationship - and see each other every weekend usually).
    Anyway, for years and years i've always had a problem with his computer usage. He lives and dies by the machine. I will usually come over on a friday and he's on his pc, he wakes up on saturday and jumps on his pc first and in the evening i will be left to chat to his family whilst he is upstairs on his pc. Now this is all ok to some extent - except everything else goes out of the window for his pc.
    He locks it - can't go anywhere near it. Which makes me nervous and suspicious.
    But an even bigger problem is his inability to organise or initiate ANYWHERE to go.
    I had to organise NYE, when we booked aholiday (only because his Mum suggested we go with them), he said we 'did not deserve a holiday' even though he has a well-paid job and savings. He stands me up sometimes or doesn't bother listening to any ideas I suggest and since we've been together has never ever booked anything of his own accord.
    Any holiday we've ever been on it's because of my preparations/initiative, any concert (one only), any cinema event, any balls with friends, anything is ALL down to me and I usually pay out of proportion too.
    As well as this, as soon as I have enough and get tired of talking to the brick wall, he will be out booking tickets to things with his friends.
    So for 3 weeks i'd had enough - and he sort of chases a bit more now but i still think he really just doesn't give a damn! And he blames it all on the distance - but ive been working hard in my home town to save up and move to his city - except why should i when I know he is complacent and addicted to his pc?
    shall i continue to not see him and faze out the relationship? I do still really love him.
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    Time to say goodbye I'm afraid.
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    I wouldn't faze out the relationship...I'd tell him quite bluntly that he's being inconsiderate and appears not to care about the relationship. Depending on the response, I'd then proceed to finish the relationship and have a chance at finding someone who does care and who makes an effort.
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    This is a really horrible situation to be in, but he doesn't sound like a good guy. I would stop organising the relationship and wait another month or two. If this doesn't motivate him to try harder in the relationship, and he doesn't realise that he's going to lose you by acting the way he does, there doesn't seem to be much point staying together.
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    (Original post by The Referee)
    I wouldn't faze out the relationship...I'd tell him quite bluntly that he's being inconsiderate and appears not to care about the relationship. Depending on the response, I'd then proceed to finish the relationship and have a chance at finding someone who does care and who makes an effort.
    Yes, tried all of that though and he blames it on the distance - but he was like this during my time at uni when i had no choice about location...so i don't think it's an excuse.
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    Distance is a ridiculous excuse. Surely the distance thing should make him make mor eof an effort when you're about.
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    Sounds like my little gremlin of a brother.
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    (Original post by Laen)
    Distance is a ridiculous excuse. Surely the distance thing should make him make mor eof an effort when you're about.
    Have you been in a long distance relationship before?

    I believe from experience that using it as an excuse is totally acceptable. I have recently split with my girlfriend of over a year because she left Birmingham to go to the London College of Fashion. The lack of seeing each other (3 times a month) made us slowly drift apart, so much that we were both living totally different lives.

    Using the distance excuse is a lot more deeper than meets the eye.
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    Seems like a bit of a slob to be honest. Possibly time to move on to someone who will actually appreciate you?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes, tried all of that though and he blames it on the distance - but he was like this during my time at uni when i had no choice about location...so i don't think it's an excuse.
    I'm sorry to be so blunt, but he's talking trash!

    LDR's are notoriously difficult and require a lot of effort on both sides...he's not living up to his side of that. When he can't even be bothered to detach himself from his PC long enough to spend real time with you when you visit there is a major problem.

    Obviously no-one can tell you what to do, but if you've discussed these problems with him and he's made negligible (if any) effort to deal with them then it may be time to call it a day. If you do end it, make it a clear break, don't just phase it out though...a definite ending is better for everyone ultimately.

    Good luck.
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    (Original post by Who2004uk)
    Have you been in a long distance relationship before?

    I believe from experience that using it as an excuse is totally acceptable. I have recently split with my girlfriend of over a year because she left Birmingham to go to the London College of Fashion. The lack of seeing each other (3 times a month) made us slowly drift apart, so much that we were both living totally different lives.

    Using the distance excuse is a lot more deeper than meets the eye.

    I have. Twice. Thanks for asking. Neither worked out but that's by the by. I completely agree about drifting apart because leading different lives but it doesn't seem like that's the situation here. From seeing each other every day to once every x amount of days/weeks is very different from never having made an effort at all.
 
 
 
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