Lately I've been feeling pretty depressed, everything's just building up and a combination of stress and tiredness have left me feeling really bad.
My social life is pretty bad, I've only got about two friends I'm reasonably close to, and I rarely ever see anyone outside of school time. It doesn't help that one of them spends almost all his free time with his girlfriend. I find it hard to talk to them about how I'm feeling, I tend to completely bottle up my emotions. All in all I'm left feeling really lonely, but I don't really know how to go about changing that.
I've never been involved in a relationship or anything at all with a girl. I recently met a girl and we got along pretty well, but due to several pretty complicated issues she has she eventually told me she couldn't cope with us moving into a relationship, it pretty much crushed me because i had really begun to feel it might work out. I don't really know how to react to that, I think I've come to terms with the fact that I'm not going to meet another girl I really like while I'm still at school. It doesn't help that whenever I have some time to myself, my mind inevitably wonders to thinking about her and I end up feeling even worse.
I'm pretty intelligent, but it feels that's the only thing I've got going for me. I've got an offer for cambridge maths, but I really feel I'm not going to get the STEP grades so I won't get in. What's more, it feels like I've been spending the past few months just coasting, and it seems I'll be doing the same until I get to uni. School is extremely boring and although I am looking forward to maybe going to cambridge, it feels so long until october and I don't feel I'm doing anything with my life until then. I used to be able to extract enjoyment from lessons, but now the only schoolwork I actually enjoy is working on STEP and FP2. I'm also worried that I feel that going to uni will suddenly improve my life, whereas there's every chance it'll continue as it is now.
I've got a feeling that all this is having a negative effect on my health as well. The past few days I've had periods where I've just felt extremely cold, which is pretty strange as I usually never feel the cold. The other day, after the girl I was talking about told me she couldn't cope with a relationship, I actually wore my hoodie all evening while I was at home, something I don't think I've ever done before - I never wear a jumper at home. Add to that the fact that I've been pushing myself quite hard lately, especially due to exams, leading to me being very tired, I'm really not sure if I'm in a very healthy state.
Everything's just building up to leave me really depressed, I just don't know what to do at the moment, it seems I'm doing nothing with my life. I want to spend the last few months I have at school enjoying myself, not wallowing in self pity as I am now. I'm not sure why I'm posting this to be honest, I don't even know what help I'm asking for or anything. I guess I just wanted a chance to tell someone how I feel.
What do you think?