It's been a pretty rubbish couple months, to be honest.
I'm still crazy about my ex. I ache and ache just to talk to her around sixth form and whenever I get the chance to, I never quite know what to say. We've gone out and broke up twice now, so I always think there's hope we could be together again. It's so frustrating. I know how this sounds from an outsider's point of view, but she really is different to everybody else, trust me. I just, want to talk to her. We're very similar though. Not on tedious things like music and tv tastes albeit (which is one reason why we broke up) but important things, like our personalities and attitudes, you know? It's not even a crush either. I might even love her, I don't know. I still like just hearing her voice or her laugh in the common rooms. Or the way that when she's quiet, she'll have a look like she's in an entirely different universe to everybody else when she's obviously daydreaming. Even the way she moves. It's like she's got an invisible coat on that shields her from all the bad things around her. I know it's so sad to plan this far ahead, but I still really want to take her to the prom. I think there's another girl at least who wouldn't say no to me, but nobody else in sixth form appeals to me at all. Anyway, that's enough of me pouring my heart out. Don't know why I did that. I hate the idea of her being with anybody else but me. But ultimately I just want her to be happy though, even if that means I'm alone. Just sucks near Valentine's day as well. I just wish there was a way to get her back. I’m sure I’d make her happier than anybody else.
My other ex-girlfriend, who is probably one of my best friends, is so very depressed. Her mum died recently. She invited me to the funeral. Don't know whether I should go or not. I worry about her so much. I still love her. But it's a different kind of love. I'm not jealous at all and really happy she's found a new boyfriend. But the thing is, she's so sad now. She's taken up smoking to deal with the stress. And apparently some guy at uni is really mean to her. She was raped when she was very young by an older girl, and her parents divorced around the same time. Her two younger sisters aren't going to live with their dad. She tried to kill herself and used to cut herself before. I met up with her in town the other day. I just wish she'd be happy. I never know what to say. I'm just there for her. I wish there was more I could do though.
Another mate mentioned he wants to kill himself when drunk to me a few weeks ago. He's so annoying about it though. He's obviously seeking attention but whenever anyone asks him about it he closes up. Something about his dad having a heart attack, I don't know. He bottles it all up, what am I supposed to do?
Now for me... thanks for bothering to read this far by the way. I think I've used this as a diary rather than for advice for goodness sake. Anyway, I've never had good eyesight. I physically sense it getting worse. The other day I was humiliated in class when I had to answer a question from the board and I couldn't read it. I’ve never been able to read the board in any lessons. I always just “wing it” whenever they ask me though. Not this time. Can’t believe I’ve made it many years actually. I ended up having to move from the back of the room to the front. Everybody laughed. I hate talking about it. I don't think I'll ever be able to drive because of it. I hope it doesn't get any worse but I think it is. Oh, and a drunken jock person and his mate tried to start a fight with me in a party last week. I didn't bother fighting him for Alfa-male superiority or any of that stupid ****, but it is a bit of a downer...
Thanks for bothering to read this, by the way.
I need to feel happier again... Watch
- 10-02-2010 21:02
- 10-02-2010 21:39
- 10-02-2010 21:44
go to the funeral, its the best you can do..as for your other friend, tell him theres more to life and to ******* man up.. with your ex issues, dw with time these feelings would pass
- 10-02-2010 21:46
Girl 1 - Let it be, sounds like you just need some time apart
Girl 2 - Be a close friend to her, nothing more, nothing less
Suicidal Drunk Mate - Keep an eye out for him but he won't open up to you until he's ready
You - Get some glasses or contacts.
- 11-02-2010 18:55
I don't think they will pass. It's been a month now and it's probably getting worse if anything. I occasionally spoke to her today and pathetically it just got my hopes up. I don't know. I often don't know what to say but I still want to say something.
My friend hasn't been at school for the last two days due to open days and interviews. I don't bother talking to him unless he tries to. Which is annoying because he'll say something like, "oh man...." and I'll say "yes?" and he'll say, "oh... nothing". What the hell? I'm not going to beg to know ffs. It annoys me if he's doing it for attention esepcially after knowing people like my other ex who definitely didn't do things for attention and did suffer so much.
I've already got glasses. I think everybody knows my eyesight is **** but nobody talks to me directly about it, Not half depressing sometimes.
- 11-02-2010 19:12
If you've already got glasses and you can't see the board, then you need to go to the opticians again & they should be able to give you a stronger prescription.
- 11-02-2010 19:50
No. It's not like that. let's just say I'm a special case. Just sucks. Felt like complaining about it. Sorry.