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    #1

    Two years ago last Feb 14th, I had a termination.

    Yeah, I know, worst day ever for an abortion. Alanis Morrisette and your love of misunderstood irony, where are you when we need you?

    Anyway, the thing is that I plan to have a memorial day. It's my way of acknowledging a loss, be that the loss of potential life, full life, or just a cluster of cells. Even though I never intended to keep a baby I couldn't materially or emotionally support, I still cried for joy when I saw that I was pregnant. Hormonal thing, perhaps. It felt like one of the happiest moments of my life. I danced. And I saw the little lump on the ultrasound scan, when they were checking me before the procedure. It was important to me to see it. The baby mattered to me, in some small sense.

    So I'm going to have a quiet day, take the train to the coast, put some flowers into the ocean, and then talk to my not-baby. It's a therapeutic thing, rather than a belief in an after-life. I also want to buy a couple of nice baby clothes and then donate them to a charity shop. Hopefully a mother who doesn't have much money will benefit from a surprise find.

    I'm just wondering if this seems macabre and self-indulgent? It feels a bit mad, given how routine terminations are, and given that I wouldn't really change anything if I had the chance.
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    It's in the past you'll just have to let go.

    How's about you lay down flowers for everytime you used a condom during sex?

    Sounds supid doesn't it?
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    I don't think that's weird, I think it's very...sweet is the wrong word =/. Do whatever makes you feel better, it's not going to hurt anyone else. You obviously didn't make the decision to have a termination cold heartedly, so it's going to affect you.
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    (Original post by BOBO777)
    It's in the past you'll just have to let go.

    How's about you lay down flowers for everytime you used a condom during sex?

    Sounds supid doesn't it?
    A more ignorant and utterly pointless post you couldnt have written.

    I think it sounds like a good way of dealing with it, it is a big thing to go through, and if this would be helpful then go for it. Wether people consider it weird isnt important, this is your thing.
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    That sounds like a really good thing to do, I think good is probably the wrong word but you know what I mean. I really think that if it's important for you to do then just do it. The bit about the baby clothes is very sweet of you too. Ok, so it's a bit odd but who really gives a damn? I'm guessing you won't be announcing the purpose of your day to everyone you meet so just go for it.
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    How wonderful of you, to commemorate this life lost. My thoughts will be with you this February 14th. I know someone who has been through abortion a couple of times and she commemorates the soul of each of these children. Personally I think we are lucky in this country to have access to these services and it is good that you view your decision not with much guilt and regret but by remembering quietly on the day that it happened. Much kudos and respect to you from me x
    • #2
    #2

    I had an abortion too (I was on the pill) and eventhough I wanted to keep the baby, my entire family was giong through a really tough time with my dad going pyscho and leaving us with absolutely no money. I had the abortion because I literally couldn't afford anything, let alone a child and I made the very hard decision to care for my living family first rather than my not yet born family. I managed to have the abortion before 4 weeks so it wasn't far in.

    I've been thinking about doing something similar as you for the day I had my abortion, but it really isn't healthy for your mind. If it makes you feel better, then I suggest you do it. Be careful, don't invest too much emotion in it, because it;s something you will never be able to change. Just think that at the time, it was for the best. If you couldn't afford a child, well you couldn't afford a child, it's not your fault.

    Good luck my love and have a nice day xxxx
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    If that helps you deal with it, go for it. Don't worry what anyone else thinks - it's obviously your personal thing so why does it matter what a load of students, [most] with no idea what you're going through, think? I just wanted to say what a nice idea I think it is that you plan to donate some baby clothes to a charity shop. I think that's really good.
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    (Original post by Double Agent)
    A more ignorant and utterly pointless post you couldnt have written.

    I think it sounds like a good way of dealing with it, it is a big thing to go through, and if this would be helpful then go for it. Wether people consider it weird isnt important, this is your thing.
    Repped for saving me time in telling this illogical tit to shut the **** up
    • #3
    #3

    It's a really.... 'something' thing to do! Like im unsafe said, it's not quite sweet, but something along those lines, it's a nice thing to do. If it's what you want to do, do it!


    I remember a few months ago when I had a pregnancy scare and I wanted it to be positive. I really did, even though I would've had to have an abortion :cry:
    • #4
    #4

    I just remembered that February 4th two years ago was when I had an abortion. Usually I light a candle. It's not a big deal but I feel it's the right thing to at least do something to mourn the loss of a life, even if it was my fault.
    But this year I completely forgot. I feel awful now
    Anyway I think it's a really nice thing to do. After I had mine I was in mourning for months but nobody understood why. x
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    If that helps you deal with it, go for it. Don't worry what anyone else thinks - it's obviously your personal thing so why does it matter what a load of students, [most] with no idea what you're going through, think? I just wanted to say what a nice idea I think it is that you plan to donate some baby clothes to a charity shop. I think that's really good.
    This. :hugs: OP xx
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    I think its a very respectful thing to do , to remember the child you couldnt bring in to the world.
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    If you don't believe you created a human life, then it is weird. The person who mentioned condoms above was obviously being facetious, but he had a point.

    If, however, you do believe that then you killed it - by your own moral standards. Then it's obscene.
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    (Original post by L i b)
    If you don't believe you created a human life, then it is weird. The person who mentioned condoms above was obviously being facetious, but he had a point.

    If, however, you do believe that then you killed it - by your own moral standards. Then it's obscene.

    I know that this relies to some degree on personal belief, but it's really not as cut and dried as that.

    You can cry for and commemorate something that could have happened. It's not strictly a sense of memorial, because as the OP said it's not down to a belief in the afterlife.

    It spoke to me of a similar thing I do on the anniversary of a teenage suicide attempt every year. I'm 6 years past it and almost can't imagine feeling that way again, but it reminds me that I'm human to reflect upon it and think about it, because I think it's important that I never forget it happened and never lose sight of the things that have happened in my life since to ensure I will never be there again. I just have a quiet day and take some time to myself, but I can understand the OP's reasoning and I think that if it helps her - with closure, with coming to terms with it, whatever - then she should go for it. I also think the baby clothes thing is absolutely lovely, someone will really appreciate that somewhere.
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    (Original post by scribble_girl)
    I know that this relies to some degree on personal belief, but it's really not as cut and dried as that.

    You can cry for and commemorate something that could have happened. It's not strictly a sense of memorial, because as the OP said it's not down to a belief in the afterlife.

    It spoke to me of a similar thing I do on the anniversary of a teenage suicide attempt every year. I'm 6 years past it and almost can't imagine feeling that way again, but it reminds me that I'm human to reflect upon it and think about it, because I think it's important that I never forget it happened and never lose sight of the things that have happened in my life since to ensure I will never be there again. I just have a quiet day and take some time to myself, but I can understand the OP's reasoning and I think that if it helps her - with closure, with coming to terms with it, whatever - then she should go for it. I also think the baby clothes thing is absolutely lovely, someone will really appreciate that somewhere.
    Fair point.
 
 
 
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