We are very comfortable and I'm scared I'm clinging to that rather than more (like I like going home to him at night and having him to spend time with).
The trouble is that A. I don't really enjoy the sex anymore and tend to to have it to make him happy (I personally think that's still a valid justification as I enjoy making him happy...but it is mostly that). To makes things worse, I've never orgasmed (I think I am one of those few who can't - I can't by myself either; certain parts are sore) but, I did use to really enjoy sex with him anyway and now very rarely do.
B. We're horrible to each other which isn't healthy at all. When we argue I can behave to him in ways I wouldn't dream of around anyone else but I literally can't stop myself. And he can be very mean back. I know arguments will happen in relationships but this feels like too much.
The thing is, I'm worried I'm being affected by other external pressures. One of my parents absolutely loves him and the other hinted recently that I shouldn't stay with him post-uni because he'll limit my opportunities. I find other people judge me for being with him. But most people think we're really happy.
All these doubts are increasingly frequent but only quite recent (from christmas time) and literally change on a week-by-week basis depending on what's going on with us. I don't know if I'm just being stupid and OTT when I'm emotional, or if I do need to act. Thing is, I obviously worry more about our relationship when I'm angry or sad (like now) but then I get worried that I'd stupidly break-up a relationship that works for the most part because of a rare fight or self-righteousness or just a desire to be cruel! How can I tell, leaving aside the extremes of arguments (that are rare) and the lovey moments and my comfort with him/dependence on him...if this is still a good relationship to be in?
...for the 2nd time this year