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Smoking-creating problems between me & GF Watch

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    basically i loathe smokers. Utterly loathe them. The merest hint of cigarette smoke has me coughing like mad. Unfortunately my girlfriend smokes. Not regularly (as apparently she used to before we dated), but irregularly when we go out.

    I suppose because i don't regularly see it it makes it harder to adjust to, which is why i really don't like her doing it. Also, she says 'i do it rarely' which for me makes it worse-were she an addict i could understand, but i cannot comprehend a choice to smoke occasionally for pleasure, it's completely antithetical to me.

    We've argued over it a couple of times and i feel it's coming between us, threating our relationship (which otherwise is pretty damn fantastic)

    Any ideas? Should i push it and try to get her to give up, or leave it alone and accept it?
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    Leave it alone and accept it.
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    (Original post by scanningforlifeforms)
    basically i loathe smokers. Utterly loathe them. The merest hint of cigarette smoke has me coughing like mad. Unfortunately my girlfriend smokes. Not regularly (as apparently she used to before we dated), but irregularly when we go out.

    I suppose because i don't regularly see it it makes it harder to adjust to, which is why i really don't like her doing it. Also, she says 'i do it rarely' which for me makes it worse-were she an addict i could understand, but i cannot comprehend a choice to smoke occasionally for pleasure, it's completely antithetical to me.

    We've argued over it a couple of times and i feel it's coming between us, threating our relationship (which otherwise is pretty damn fantastic)

    Any ideas? Should i push it and try to get her to give up, or leave it alone and accept it?
    Yeah, well start understanding it and stop being such a pussy. wahh wahh cigarettes make me cough wahh wahh. Your girlfriend can handle smoking but you can't? What's wrong with you?
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    I'm on your side OP, it's RIDICULOUS to smoke anyway, let alone when you don't have an addiction. You could ask her what her pet hate about you is and make deals to both sort these issues out?
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    Grow a pair, and if you have such a problem with it then leave her.
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    I think you should just accept it. My last boyfriend smoked, and as much as I swore I'd never go out with a smoker, I adored him and so put up with it: it was something he enjoyed. Anyway, he only smoked 5 or so a day.

    He said one of the things he loved most about me was the fact that I didn't lecture him about it, and just took him for who he was. By the sounds of things, if your relationship is so fantastic in every other aspect, then you should be doing the same.
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    Oh lord, so she smokes socially every now and then and you want to break up over it? It's her life. let her do what she wants. and its not like you're having to live in a house where she smokes 40 a day and its affecting your health. She'll probably stop doing it eventually anyway, without you nagging her.
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    (Original post by AccioJellyBean)
    I'm on your side OP, it's RIDICULOUS to smoke anyway, let alone when you don't have an addiction. You could ask her what her pet hate about you is and make deals to both sort these issues out?
    her pet hate could be him not smoking that could be an ironic turn of events
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    i'm in the same situation

    she knows i dont like it, and is trying to cut down, but after a few drinks she WILL end up having a smoke


    not much to do really; we dont have the right to demand they stop.
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    yeah, if your relationship is "pretty damn fantastic" shouldn't you just accept that it is something she does and something she obviously enjoys doing. would you want her to ask you to stop doing something you enjoyed doing, that in small amounts realistically does very little damage to you?
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    This isn't a smokers vs non-smokers thread here, so stop taking sides on your beliefs (looking at you here, AccioJellyBean).

    First of all, if she wants to smoke then there's nothing to do about it. Her choice to do so, so accept it.

    What would you rather do? Be known as a possessive "OMGZ DON'T SMOKE BECAUSE I CAN HAS HATE LOLZ!!1", or be known as someone who lets their girlfriend makes their own lifestyle choices?

    I know which I'd rather be.
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    if she was doing it before you got with her youve got no right to try and change her, if she took it up after you started dating i could understand the problem but she didnt

    you knew fully well that she smoked so tough, deal with it and get over it or finish with her

    but either way you have no right to try and change her
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    (Original post by scanningforlifeforms)
    basically i loathe smokers. Utterly loathe them. The merest hint of cigarette smoke has me coughing like mad. Unfortunately my girlfriend smokes. Not regularly (as apparently she used to before we dated), but irregularly when we go out.

    I suppose because i don't regularly see it it makes it harder to adjust to, which is why i really don't like her doing it. Also, she says 'i do it rarely' which for me makes it worse-were she an addict i could understand, but i cannot comprehend a choice to smoke occasionally for pleasure, it's completely antithetical to me.

    We've argued over it a couple of times and i feel it's coming between us, threating our relationship (which otherwise is pretty damn fantastic)

    Any ideas? Should i push it and try to get her to give up, or leave it alone and accept it?
    You were fully aware she smoked when you got with her. You cant just get with someone who does something you dont like and go in guns blazing demanding they change.
    If you were really that bothered about it, you wouldnt have started seeing her in the first place surely?

    You say the relationship is fantastic. It would be really stupid of you to end it over a habit she doesnt even indulge in very often.
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    You sound exactly like my boyfriend.
    It's not really a big deal if she only does it occassionaly.
    Fair enough if it was all the time.
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    Agree with everyone here - she's smoked since before she met you, I can understand that you don't like it/don't "understand" it but if she's really great in every other respect then why can't you deal with those positives?

    If you push her to try and give up I guarantee you she will resent you for it even if she does feel a bit better after giving up. She's not trying to make you start smoking, she probably feels quite bad with you being so pointed about it. She doesn't even smoke that much. If it's that huge a problem then explain to her that it's your problem and maybe you'd be best finding someone else who doesn't smoke.
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    (Original post by AccioJellyBean)
    I'm on your side OP, it's RIDICULOUS to smoke anyway, let alone when you don't have an addiction. You could ask her what her pet hate about you is and make deals to both sort these issues out?
    I neg reped you for this. OP don't try and change her, I agree with Bagration smoke makes you cough how old are you? You should start smoking and get rid of your attitude
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    If it's a problem, then try to sort it or leave.
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    I hope it does threaten your relationship - She deserves someone who isn't such a little *****.
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    Thought I'd add to what everyone else has said by pointing out that it's not the smoking that's causing the problems - it's you. I don't like smoking either but you just need to put up with it, so long as she keeps your feelings in mind when she's dashing off for a cigarette. I went out with a smoker once and it was rarely a problem as he wouldn't smoke around me or just before we were going to be together.
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    If you knew she smoked before you got together you have no right to pressure her to stop. If it really bothers you that much (and I do understand, I would personally never go out with someone who smoked) then break up with her. So either put up with it or break up with her because if you keep nagging her about it she'll break up with you anyway.
 
 
 
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