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Am I being incredibly unreasonable. watch

    • #1
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    So, I turned eighteen a few months ago. I'm male, and would really love to have a normal social life.

    The problem being that my parents just seem to do everything they can to get in the way of it.

    As a adult, is it unreasonable for me to want to be able to go out at night without a curfew? As it stands I have to be home by 11:30 or 12 "depending on the circumstances". Whereas my friends, both under and over eighteen do not have curfews, do not need to tell their parents their exact whereabouts, and do not need to speak to them three days in advance of any social activity or answer forty questions as to who/where and why.

    I would completely understand all of this if I were some sort of drug addict, alcoholic or was failing miserably at college. But as it is I'm doing fantastically well.

    I have had an arguement about it, and even a discussion. But, I've been reassured that whilst I'm living under their roof I can forget any chance of their archaic time restraints being recinded. That I will only be free to do what I want when I no longer live under their roof, which just smacks to me of being punished for going to college full time. How could I possibly hold a full time job and go to college full time?
    Had I got a full time job and not gone to college perhaps I would of been able to scrape by living on my own, but it just seems I'm being punished for trying to improve myself.

    I am at a loss, I cannot reason with them. As all I ever get are platitudes and that if I don't like it I can move out. Which obviously I can't move out.

    I just find it so hard to socialise and bond properly with my friends, and constantly have to lie about "things I have to do tomorrow" or that I'm "going in early to work". I don't want to lie to them, it's just I don't want to seem like some sort of child.

    What's more, when I do confront them about my liberty and how no other adult on Earth is still treated like a child, all I ever get is;
    "Well give us *friends name* home phone number and we'll speak to their parents, I bet they don't let them do whatever they like".
    Which obviously, I'm not giving them anyones phone number because I don't want to be completely humiliated, and then have them barraette other peoples parents.

    It also means that I've not pursued a serious relationship, as what girl would want to date a man who has constantly got to check with his parents before hand?

    It's just making life so frustrating, I've barely spoken to them for two weeks. Gone to college, then come home and retreat into my room, they expect me to come and sit down with the family and socialise normally when I'm being treated like some sort of invalid.

    So, will it be at all possible to get them to change their minds?
    Or am I really an ungrateful child?


    Oh and either delete or keep as anonymous please.
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    You live under their roof, yes you are being unreasonable if you don't want to follow their rules.
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    (Original post by megamuffin)
    You live under their roof, yes you are being unreasonable if you don't want to follow their rules.
    Uniquely awful use of logic there. You seem to suggest that his parents could pull anything and that it would be reasonable simply by virtue of the fact that he lives under their roof. Plainly wrong. :yes:
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    (Original post by redanator)
    Uniquely awful use of logic there. You seem to suggest that his parents could pull anything and that it would be reasonable simply by virtue of the fact that he lives under their roof. Plainly wrong. :yes:
    Giving someone a curfew isn't unreasonable. I wouldn't want my child coming home at all hours and waking me up if they lived with me.
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    (Original post by megamuffin)
    Giving someone a curfew isn't unreasonable. I wouldn't want my child coming home at all hours and waking me up if they lived with me.
    Same. But you basically said they could impose any rule and that it would be reasonable.
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    thier house their rules either deal with it or move out
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    Your parents aren't being unreasonable to be honest.
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    I can see both points of view to be honest. You have to try and respect your parents rules but at the same time they should be a bit more understanding as you're an adult. I don't know if it'd work, but maybe try going with what they say for a while so that they can see you're willing to cooperate and then ask them if you could extend the curfew? If that works, make it a gradual thing where you keep extending it.
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    (Original post by redanator)
    Same. But you basically said they could impose any rule and that it would be reasonable.
    way to read into a simple point.
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    You're parents are being unreasonable, but you might as well just wait until you go to University or get a job. Then when they visit your house in the future, you can make them take their shoes off at the door, wash their hands before they have a cup of tea and so on. Enjoy it.
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    maybe the reason you're doing ''fantastially well'' is because you're parents care enough to make rules like this...tbh 12 isnt a bad time, it could be 10 lol
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    i share your pain OP
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    On the one hand, you live in their house, so it's understandable they don't want you coming in wasted at all hours. But at the same time, you are a legal adult and it would be nice if they allowed you the occasional late night out - 1/1.30 wouldn't be that bad if you went clubbing.

    So, my answer is, they have the right, but they could be a bit more flexible. At weekends anyway.
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    (Original post by dichr0ic)
    way to read into a simple point.
    That's what writing an essay does to you.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So, I turned eighteen a few months ago. I'm male, and would really love to have a normal social life.

    The problem being that my parents just seem to do everything they can to get in the way of it.

    As a adult, is it unreasonable for me to want to be able to go out at night without a curfew? As it stands I have to be home by 11:30 or 12 "depending on the circumstances". Whereas my friends, both under and over eighteen do not have curfews, do not need to tell their parents their exact whereabouts, and do not need to speak to them three days in advance of any social activity or answer forty questions as to who/where and why.

    I would completely understand all of this if I were some sort of drug addict, alcoholic or was failing miserably at college. But as it is I'm doing fantastically well.

    I have had an arguement about it, and even a discussion. But, I've been reassured that whilst I'm living under their roof I can forget any chance of their archaic time restraints being recinded. That I will only be free to do what I want when I no longer live under their roof, which just smacks to me of being punished for going to college full time. How could I possibly hold a full time job and go to college full time?
    Had I got a full time job and not gone to college perhaps I would of been able to scrape by living on my own, but it just seems I'm being punished for trying to improve myself.

    I am at a loss, I cannot reason with them. As all I ever get are platitudes and that if I don't like it I can move out. Which obviously I can't move out.

    I just find it so hard to socialise and bond properly with my friends, and constantly have to lie about "things I have to do tomorrow" or that I'm "going in early to work". I don't want to lie to them, it's just I don't want to seem like some sort of child.

    What's more, when I do confront them about my liberty and how no other adult on Earth is still treated like a child, all I ever get is;
    "Well give us *friends name* home phone number and we'll speak to their parents, I bet they don't let them do whatever they like".
    Which obviously, I'm not giving them anyones phone number because I don't want to be completely humiliated, and then have them barraette other peoples parents.

    It also means that I've not pursued a serious relationship, as what girl would want to date a man who has constantly got to check with his parents before hand?

    It's just making life so frustrating, I've barely spoken to them for two weeks. Gone to college, then come home and retreat into my room, they expect me to come and sit down with the family and socialise normally when I'm being treated like some sort of invalid.

    So, will it be at all possible to get them to change their minds?
    Or am I really an ungrateful child?


    Oh and either delete or keep as anonymous please.
    I think this post pretty much sums up my life completely. I have so much sympathy for you. we should unite and rebel
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    It's understandable that you're annoyed about all this, but atm you are living under their roof, they most probably pay for most of your needs, and they care about you - which makes them act this way. At least they do let you go out.
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by boomchickawowwow)
    You're parents are being unreasonable, but you might as well just wait until you go to University or get a job. Then when they visit your house in the future, you can make them take their shoes off at the door, wash their hands before they have a cup of tea and so on. Enjoy it.
    This, I'm 18 and my mum has a go at me if I've been out after dark, which can be 5pm in winter. If I ever want to go out at night I have to say I've been at a friends' house. I'll get her back though...
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    They are being totally unreasonable imo. I would never EVER allow my parents to treat me with such disrespect and treat me like a child.

    When I was 18, I was rolling in drunk at 3 am, NOT waking my parents up in the process. It's not hard! Not every teenager ends up throwing up every where, waking the whole house up.

    What annoys me most are the people in this thread thinking it's acceptable to use the 'their house their rules' routine. It's about having mutual respect - not 'one rule for parents and one for the adult offspring'. You're all adults and you should be equal.

    I'd seriously be kipping on a mates' couch if my parents were that uptight. Either that or I'd sit them down and make a few rules of my own.
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    (Original post by redanator)
    That's what writing an essay does to you.
    i'm sorry for your loss :console:

    Spoiler:
    Show
    of the will to live :ninja:
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    (Original post by dichr0ic)
    i'm sorry for your loss :console:

    Spoiler:
    Show
    of the will to live :ninja:
    So true. Unfortunately, the Uni work is piling up at the moment. :woo:
 
 
 
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