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Am I being incredibly unreasonable. watch

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    They're being unreasonable (I can understand why they have these measures but still...) and for all the people that are saying you should follow their rules etc, I wonder whether they'd think the same if they were in your situation.
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    Wtf at everyone saying the OP is being unreasonable. He is 18! It is the parents that are being totally unreasonable. Fair enough if he was 15 and wanted to go wandering around the streets at night, but at 18 it is perfectly reasonable to want to go out to parties/town etc occasionally. This kind of restriction will only lead to resentment in the long run.

    This "my house, my rules" BS isn't a justifiable reason to restrict freedom to an adult. Do they give you any other reasons?
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    Grow some cojones, Your 18 and entitled to a social life I'd break it if I was you and stroll in at 6.30am. They probably wouldn't do anything.
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    I'm not even allowed out unless my parents know the people personally, and even then curfew is around 7-8pm....I'm 17 btw...
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    OP i really don't think you are being unreasonable, you are an adult, and by the sounds of it, a reasonably sensible adult. the problem is, they seem to have a bee in their bonnet, and talking rarely helps. do you have cousins the same age who are allowed to do more than you? if so, perhaps asking their parents (ie your uncle and aunt) for some somewhat impartial support? though they may feel that you are undermining them.

    its a tricky one, and i really feel for you. my mum is similar, though in a really weird way. my best friend is a boy, but i would never be allowed to sleep round his, even with other people, and his parents there. the fact we have been best friends for six years and would never want to touch each other ever in our entire lives doesn't seem to matter to her. however, she is fine with me turning up blind drunk at three in the morning...? she is a strange woman, i think its a mix between my dads ardent liberalism (another weird thing - they are divorced and i can do anything in front of him, including smoke dope with him, but i still hide my cig smoke with perfume from my mum, even though im in upper sixth :P) and her american puritism.

    so i've just read that whole thing, and it makes absolutely no sense, apologies.
    basically, unlucks OP, try using an impartial relative/family friend for help?
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    Ultimately it's their house but I couldn't live like that. Not sure what to suggest if you've already tried talking to them. I'd probably just ignore the curfew and do whatever, but I doubt that would help.
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    it does'nt sound you're being uneasonable. It sounds like your parents are dicks.
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    They're being really unreasonable, they cant still wrap you up in cotton wool. Especially when your 18, godd!

    My parents have never been strict with me, they don't believe in curfews, being grounded etc, because the more you try and control your kids the more they're gonna rebel!
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    (Original post by redanator)
    So true. Unfortunately, the Uni work is piling up at the moment. :woo:
    what course/degree/subject are you doing? ()
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    Ignore most of the comments on here. Yes, you live in their house and so owe them some respect, but in the real world it is completely unreasonable for them to be so strict. A parents role isn't just to provide a roof over your head, it is also to push you out into the world to be a functioning, social person, imposing overly strict curfews hinders this. You need to have a degree of personal freedom and responsibility, you have a right to privacy in what you do and who you see. In giving you this, it allows you to show respect to them by not coming home at stupid o'clock and making noise, and of your own free will keeping them loosely informed so that they know you're safe.
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    Just come in late one time and then see what happens. It's likely that they will strike up a fuss. It's also likely that they will not kick you out of the house for disobeying their rules. Constantly doing it will mean that they will be able to handle it better every time.

    Mind you I wouldn't put my parents through this ********, as I would try to compromise on the situation!
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    you are 18.screw them.

    on the other hand,if it was me.i would just listen to them :/
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So, I turned eighteen a few months ago. I'm male, and would really love to have a normal social life.

    The problem being that my parents just seem to do everything they can to get in the way of it.

    As a adult, is it unreasonable for me to want to be able to go out at night without a curfew? As it stands I have to be home by 11:30 or 12 "depending on the circumstances". Whereas my friends, both under and over eighteen do not have curfews, do not need to tell their parents their exact whereabouts, and do not need to speak to them three days in advance of any social activity or answer forty questions as to who/where and why.

    I would completely understand all of this if I were some sort of drug addict, alcoholic or was failing miserably at college. But as it is I'm doing fantastically well.

    I have had an arguement about it, and even a discussion. But, I've been reassured that whilst I'm living under their roof I can forget any chance of their archaic time restraints being recinded. That I will only be free to do what I want when I no longer live under their roof, which just smacks to me of being punished for going to college full time. How could I possibly hold a full time job and go to college full time?
    Had I got a full time job and not gone to college perhaps I would of been able to scrape by living on my own, but it just seems I'm being punished for trying to improve myself.

    I am at a loss, I cannot reason with them. As all I ever get are platitudes and that if I don't like it I can move out. Which obviously I can't move out.

    I just find it so hard to socialise and bond properly with my friends, and constantly have to lie about "things I have to do tomorrow" or that I'm "going in early to work". I don't want to lie to them, it's just I don't want to seem like some sort of child.

    What's more, when I do confront them about my liberty and how no other adult on Earth is still treated like a child, all I ever get is;
    "Well give us *friends name* home phone number and we'll speak to their parents, I bet they don't let them do whatever they like".
    Which obviously, I'm not giving them anyones phone number because I don't want to be completely humiliated, and then have them barraette other peoples parents.

    It also means that I've not pursued a serious relationship, as what girl would want to date a man who has constantly got to check with his parents before hand?

    It's just making life so frustrating, I've barely spoken to them for two weeks. Gone to college, then come home and retreat into my room, they expect me to come and sit down with the family and socialise normally when I'm being treated like some sort of invalid.

    So, will it be at all possible to get them to change their minds?
    Or am I really an ungrateful child?


    Oh and either delete or keep as anonymous please.
    No, you aren't being unreasonable, but neither are your parents. Your parents are worried about you, and want to make sure you are safe. They aren't trying to stop you having fun.

    Having said I see their point, I am on your side. I know exactly how it feels to not have much freedom. I do have to check everything with my parents(or at least tell them what I'm doing and where I'm going etc. - asking if I am allowed makes it seem more polite than shouting down the stairs that I'm 'going out')

    Have your parents given you exact reasons why they impose this curfew? And a small piece of advice - you said that you constantly *have* to lie about going in to work early etc. DON'T LIE. Honestly, I learnt this ages ago - tell the truth all the time, call and let them know whats going on, and basically build up trust. That way, you can get away with a small amount of lying, but still keeping your freedom. If you sneak out or make up a massive lie about where you're going and you get found out, all the trust they had for you is going to have flown right out of the window.

    Don't argue with them, and don't sulk in your room. Sulking is what children do, and if you act like one, they are going to treat you like one. Sit down and have a discussion with them. Ask them their exact reasons, and try and DISCUSS an extension on your curfew. Arguing will get you nowhere, and let them speak too. Don't be stubborn. You obviously aren't going to get your way straight away, but even saying that the curfew is raised by an hour is an improvement, and really, all you should be aiming for.
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    (Original post by megamuffin)
    Giving someone a curfew isn't unreasonable. I wouldn't want my child coming home at all hours and waking me up if they lived with me.
    Hopefully you never have children. To view this as good parenting is disgusting.

    OP, ignore them.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So, I turned eighteen a few months ago. I'm male, and would really love to have a normal social life.

    The problem being that my parents just seem to do everything they can to get in the way of it.

    As a adult, is it unreasonable for me to want to be able to go out at night without a curfew? As it stands I have to be home by 11:30 or 12 "depending on the circumstances". Whereas my friends, both under and over eighteen do not have curfews, do not need to tell their parents their exact whereabouts, and do not need to speak to them three days in advance of any social activity or answer forty questions as to who/where and why.

    I would completely understand all of this if I were some sort of drug addict, alcoholic or was failing miserably at college. But as it is I'm doing fantastically well.

    I have had an arguement about it, and even a discussion. But, I've been reassured that whilst I'm living under their roof I can forget any chance of their archaic time restraints being recinded. That I will only be free to do what I want when I no longer live under their roof, which just smacks to me of being punished for going to college full time. How could I possibly hold a full time job and go to college full time?
    Had I got a full time job and not gone to college perhaps I would of been able to scrape by living on my own, but it just seems I'm being punished for trying to improve myself.

    I am at a loss, I cannot reason with them. As all I ever get are platitudes and that if I don't like it I can move out. Which obviously I can't move out.

    I just find it so hard to socialise and bond properly with my friends, and constantly have to lie about "things I have to do tomorrow" or that I'm "going in early to work". I don't want to lie to them, it's just I don't want to seem like some sort of child.

    What's more, when I do confront them about my liberty and how no other adult on Earth is still treated like a child, all I ever get is;
    "Well give us *friends name* home phone number and we'll speak to their parents, I bet they don't let them do whatever they like".
    Which obviously, I'm not giving them anyones phone number because I don't want to be completely humiliated, and then have them barraette other peoples parents.

    It also means that I've not pursued a serious relationship, as what girl would want to date a man who has constantly got to check with his parents before hand?

    It's just making life so frustrating, I've barely spoken to them for two weeks. Gone to college, then come home and retreat into my room, they expect me to come and sit down with the family and socialise normally when I'm being treated like some sort of invalid.

    So, will it be at all possible to get them to change their minds?
    Or am I really an ungrateful child?


    Oh and either delete or keep as anonymous please.

    same, i turned 18 a few months ago and ive been out drinking with friends a handful of times, because my mum makes me feel guilty for going out at night and like thinks ill be incapable of looking after myself and ill get mugged/raped/fight/kidnapped by a taxi driver lol. but im sensible anyway so i know i can look after myself but she reckons i can't. i always have to have everything planned and they have to know who im with, where im going, when ill be back, and its really annoying and embarrasing when my friends are going on holiday and i dont dare ask them if i can go and my parents don't think ill be able to live in london independantly when i go uni (cus i applied to couple of unis in london). its like they dont trust me, but ive never done drugs or anything bad to make them not trust me. so i no what its like lmao, ur not the only one with overprotective parents, ur not ungrateful and eventually they'll stop been protective - thats wot im hoping for mine anyway lol
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    I think that this is one of those things you can't really understand from your parents point of view until you've moved out / at uni / a parent yourself. My parents were pretty similar, until I looked back at how hurrendously moody and stroppy I got at them for simply looking out for me, caring and wanting to know what I'm doing. Your parents are going overboard because you're at that age where you go from child to adult and having every freedom. It does wear off eventually... my parents just want to know where I'm gonna be , and if I don't know for the whole day I just say I have my phone on me... it's about having respect for them which I'm sure you do, and respect for yourself.
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    uni op?

    I can't understand why parents do this, it makes it harder to socialise with people once you are living on your own (I speak from experience here)

    there were so many basic things I either wasn't allowed to do or got extensively questioned about so I rarely even hung out with people in the day or at all for that matter until i moved to uni

    if i ever become a parent i'm going to treat my kids with more dignity and respect

    i feel for what you're saying op but yeah, when i was in a similar boat i just stuck it out and went to uni

    hope this helps
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    My parents put a 1am curfew on me when I was 17. I suppose because I was a bit out of control. I completely disregarded it, so my dad said 'you respect my rules, or you get out of my house'. So in the end I moved country and basically lived hand to mouth for 4 months, before going back home.

    I learnt that I was being a disrespectful brat, changed my ways, and they were more lenient with times.

    The moral of the story is: grow a pair. React. Don't just sit there whingeing. You're 18 for Christ sake, you should have gotten a backbone by now. You are an adult.
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    For someone who says you are doing well at college you seem an absolute idiot just go out come back when you want don't answer any of their calls. Obviously you have thought of this they will 'ground' reassure them that you would rather not live there any more walk out if they stop you from leaving or try to restrain you ensure you have your mobile with you threaten to call the police then call the police. I take it you have somewhere you could stay for a few days if not sleeping on the streets will make them feel very guilty. You need to stop idolising your parents. You need to stop letting people take advantage of you and step up, pretend it is a game they raise you raise until you take it too far and they fold. Do it tomorrow night it will be an important lesson for you
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    (Original post by jjdcfc)
    Wtf at everyone saying the OP is being unreasonable. He is 18! It is the parents that are being totally unreasonable. Fair enough if he was 15 and wanted to go wandering around the streets at night, but at 18 it is perfectly reasonable to want to go out to parties/town etc occasionally. This kind of restriction will only lead to resentment in the long run.

    This "my house, my rules" BS isn't a justifiable reason to restrict freedom to an adult. Do they give you any other reasons?
    Just the old, it's too dangerous! You'll be mugged, raped and murdered rubbish.
    And it isn't as if I live in a city with a massive crime rate. Just a fairly ordinary town.
 
 
 
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