This. I've never understood why parents get away with using this sort of reasoning on their kids; it comes with a kind of implication that they're just letting you live at home out of charity or exactly because they want to control you, and surely it should be because they love you and want to support you, which should mean they are willing to respect your boundaries as much as you respect theirs.(Original post by Ilora-Danon)
What annoys me most are the people in this thread thinking it's acceptable to use the 'their house their rules' routine. It's about having mutual respect - not 'one rule for parents and one for the adult offspring'. You're all adults and you should be equal.
It's reasonable to ask you to come in quietly and not wake anyone and remember to lock up, it's reasonable to expect you to do a fair share of chores etc. It's not reasonable to demand control over where you go and when.
Am I being incredibly unreasonable. Watch
- 11-02-2010 22:34
(Original post by Anonymous)
- 11-02-2010 22:40
So, I turned eighteen a few months ago. I'm male, and would really love to have a normal social life.
The problem being that my parents just seem to do everything they can to get in the way of it.
As a adult, is it unreasonable for me to want to be able to go out at night without a curfew? As it stands I have to be home by 11:30 or 12 "depending on the circumstances". Whereas my friends, both under and over eighteen do not have curfews, do not need to tell their parents their exact whereabouts, and do not need to speak to them three days in advance of any social activity or answer forty questions as to who/where and why.
I would completely understand all of this if I were some sort of drug addict, alcoholic or was failing miserably at college. But as it is I'm doing fantastically well.
I have had an arguement about it, and even a discussion. But, I've been reassured that whilst I'm living under their roof I can forget any chance of their archaic time restraints being recinded. That I will only be free to do what I want when I no longer live under their roof, which just smacks to me of being punished for going to college full time. How could I possibly hold a full time job and go to college full time?
Had I got a full time job and not gone to college perhaps I would of been able to scrape by living on my own, but it just seems I'm being punished for trying to improve myself.
I am at a loss, I cannot reason with them. As all I ever get are platitudes and that if I don't like it I can move out. Which obviously I can't move out.
I just find it so hard to socialise and bond properly with my friends, and constantly have to lie about "things I have to do tomorrow" or that I'm "going in early to work". I don't want to lie to them, it's just I don't want to seem like some sort of child.
What's more, when I do confront them about my liberty and how no other adult on Earth is still treated like a child, all I ever get is;
"Well give us *friends name* home phone number and we'll speak to their parents, I bet they don't let them do whatever they like".
Which obviously, I'm not giving them anyones phone number because I don't want to be completely humiliated, and then have them barraette other peoples parents.
It also means that I've not pursued a serious relationship, as what girl would want to date a man who has constantly got to check with his parents before hand?
It's just making life so frustrating, I've barely spoken to them for two weeks. Gone to college, then come home and retreat into my room, they expect me to come and sit down with the family and socialise normally when I'm being treated like some sort of invalid.
So, will it be at all possible to get them to change their minds?
Or am I really an ungrateful child?
Oh and either delete or keep as anonymous please.
- 11-02-2010 22:43
Neither you or your perants are being unreasonable tbh. Maybe somehow negotiate a few night out and show them you can be responsible. My cousins 19 and my grandma still screws at him if he comes home at 1 am.
- 11-02-2010 22:49
You're not being unreasonable. Just tell your parents they're too overprotective and can't treat you like a child!!
That will only be detrimental to your progress if they limit you like this. They need to allow you to grow up
But at least wait till uni when you can live by yourself!
- 12-02-2010 00:02
I don't think you're being especially unreasonable, but I do think you need to negotiate with them - a lot of parents and their offspring go through some form of tension when the kids move from teenagerdom into young adulthood, and usually both sides end up being a bit unreasonable. Don't get angry or upset, as this won't make you seem any more rational or any more like an adult. Tell them - and mean it! - that you appreciate all their support for you, but that you do feel that there's a genuine problem. Tell them that you'd like to see whether there might be ways to work round the problems or to compromise. For example, reassure them that you're not going to want to be out late every night of the week, but that it's normal for a young man to want to stay out late sometimes. If the main reason for your 'curfew' is their concern for your safety, why not suggest that you should get a taxi home - you might even call them during the evening to tell them you're OK, although it would be annoying to have to do this every time, but it might be a way to ease into a transition.
Also, the curfew aside, I don't think you need to tell them exactly where you're going to be every day. Try not to make it an obvious issue though (the more of an issue you make it, the more they're likely to do the same) - just say "I'm off out, see you later", and if they ask questions, a friendly "I'm off to meet some friends, not sure when I'll be back, but I'll see you later, hope you have a good day" should be enough, without making you feel so intruded on? I really don't see why they should have quite such a bad effect on the parts of your social life that aren't conducted after 12 at night - why not start trying to improve that bit first, especially if your parents really won't discuss the curfew at the moment?
- 12-02-2010 00:09
what a shame. move out their being utter dickfaces. you're 18 and clearly being treated like your much younger. give them your friends home numbers and their parents can tell yours that they're being ****. fair enough their house their rules, but that's just plain unfair and controlling and it has to be within reason. also move out, yeah.