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Where am I going wrong in relationships? watch

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    Hey everyone,

    I've got a bit of an issue which has been bugging me recently and tonight, I was almost in tears when I came to a realisation.

    I'm 23 and have been single for all of my life thus far. I've kissed a few people and had a few 'flirtationships' but I've never had much luck with guys. I can't really figure out why this is. I seem to attract people who seem initially really keen on me and the minute I reciprocate my feelings (where I liked the guy too and not just for the sake of it) they go all odd and break contact with me. Soon after, they end up in long term relationships.

    I feel like a bit of a stop gap for guys on the rebound and those who use my to get their bit of fun and then ignore me. (A lot of these incidents have arisen from texting and Instant Messenger where the guy and myself have ended up talking very dirty and then once it is evident they have pleased themselves, they ignore me. I feel like free porn; that's what made me well up today...)

    What on earth is going on TSR? Is it because I'm too nice?

    Help me please :confused:
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    Girls are much better than porn...
    I feel sorry for the guys you've shagged if they compared you to porn.
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    I haven't slept with any of them...maybe that's why I'm being treated like a second class citizen? :rolleyes:
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    You've met something that girls and certain guys like to call;

    'An a*shole'.

    The definition of an a*shole has become somewhat blurred in recent times. It does not mean the hole of the human anus, merely an absolute **** that plays off emotions of other decent folk.

    I wouldn't worry too much OP. A lot of people have this problem and it's one I can certainly relate too. Girls have done this to me and I've seen other people affected by it too.

    A lot of people don't like to be tied down in relationships at our age and play the field. As soon as someone starts getting a bit too serious for them, they break it off.

    Karma will get them back, don't worry. They'll have their hearts broken one day.

    You sound like a nice girl, don't worry about it.
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    (Original post by Spanishdream)
    You've met something that girls and certain guys like to call;

    'An a*shole'.

    The definition of an a*shole has become somewhat blurred in recent times. It does not mean the hole of the human anus, merely an absolute **** that plays off emotions of other decent folk.

    I wouldn't worry too much OP. A lot of people have this problem and it's one I can certainly relate too. Girls have done this to me and I've seen other people affected by it too.

    A lot of people don't like to be tied down in relationships at our age and play the field. As soon as someone starts getting a bit too serious for them, they break it off.

    Karma will get them back, don't worry. They'll have their hearts broken one day.

    You sound like a nice girl, don't worry about it.
    Thanks for the reassurance Spanishdream, I don't understand it but then again if I did understand the odd male behaviour, I'd be very rich right now! :p:

    It happened last night (after I posted this) with a 'friend' of mine who kept wanting to text chat. Immediately my defences went up as I know he has a girlfriend. He kept assuring me that it was friendly chat he was making. I went along with it to see how far he would go because I KNEW he wanted more. Lo! and Behold, it quickly turned sexual...

    Why aren't men and women capable of having a friendly non-sexual chat anymore? :confused:
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    Maybe you should stop meeting guys on the internet.
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    (Original post by maxfire)
    Maybe you should stop meeting guys on the internet.
    I'm sorry. Maybe I did not explain this properly in my posts. I am not meeting people through the internet. These guys are guys I know through work or through University and as well as communicating with them in the flesh, I also would use MSN or texts to communicate with them.

    Quite different to meeting strangers on the internet. I am also 23 going on 24...

    Thanks for the reply though...
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    Anyone else able to offer me any advice or comment on the situation?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for the reassurance Spanishdream, I don't understand it but then again if I did understand the odd male behaviour, I'd be very rich right now! :p:

    It happened last night (after I posted this) with a 'friend' of mine who kept wanting to text chat. Immediately my defences went up as I know he has a girlfriend. He kept assuring me that it was friendly chat he was making. I went along with it to see how far he would go because I KNEW he wanted more. Lo! and Behold, it quickly turned sexual...

    Why aren't men and women capable of having a friendly non-sexual chat anymore? :confused:
    because we're guys, I have alot of 'friends that are girls' and do chat to them quite often about what they've been up to etc. but can't help but feel I would go that extra step further if they were willing to
    The only way your gonna get a decent male friend your thinking is probably if he is either gay or in a serious, devoted, long-term relationship with someone

    (Well that's the way I see it anyway) But still, I don't go pushing my female friends into flirting lol & just put on a good friendly front, maybe you just got in with a select few bad eggs :cool:

    Sure you are at an age now where your mature(ing) and looking for something more, what i gather from the main post is you are leading quite a few guys on with the 'dirty texting' etc. and your leading them into think your the type of 'easy' girl that you are not describing yourself as.

    If you want to start being respected you should cut out this cheap reputation/nature you have built with guys and get talking with a decent guy about general things & if you like him try and take it a step further...all in due time ofcourse, dont rush things
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    I think that sometimes the opportunities don't come your way. When I think about it, I just met my boyfriends by chance. You will meet someone who is right for you and wants more than a fling. I highly doubt there's anything wrong with you at all. Maybe work on your self-esteem/confidence a bit. and don't 'talk dirty' via text/msn because it gives the wrong impression. But you'll be fine. People always say someone comes along when you stop looking
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    It could be that maybe you're too full on. It could be you're unlucky. So on so forth. Each case will probably be different. However I think one major issue is putting the importance on a relationship.
    For most people it's a want for a permanent pillar to lean on. If that is the case then it's probably a bad idea for you to look for a relationship. Trying to rely on yourself holds stronger foundations as you are permanent in your life by the definition of life (I'm not really saying anything new, it's a tautology, like 'I think therefore I am'. But it's important to point out at most people seem to not realise it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for the reassurance Spanishdream, I don't understand it but then again if I did understand the odd male behaviour, I'd be very rich right now! :p:

    It happened last night (after I posted this) with a 'friend' of mine who kept wanting to text chat. Immediately my defences went up as I know he has a girlfriend. He kept assuring me that it was friendly chat he was making. I went along with it to see how far he would go because I KNEW he wanted more. Lo! and Behold, it quickly turned sexual...

    Why aren't men and women capable of having a friendly non-sexual chat anymore? :confused:
    Too much Viagra freely available in my opinion. :rolleyes:

    Like I said, the majority are only interested in one thing. The sad, yet true reality.
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    Wow, how have you not gone mad, having had no boyfriend by the age of 23? Anyway, maybe just get out more? Like visit more places, join some clubs. Maybe even join a dating site? Just widen your opportunities, and hopefully someone will come along Good luck
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    I wouldn't get too worried about the lack of relationships. People peak at different ages.

    I think the thing about relationships is they never happen when you want them to, or when you're actively searching for it. From the sounds of it, you strike me as being a tad low in self-confidence. Which makes you the perfect prey for guys you've been encountering who may take advantage of that. Try being happy and confident in yourself. Not only will you benefit from this personally, in the long run, but also, it puts you in a good position to start interacting with the right sort of guys. Also, if you don't want to be used in that way, then you need stop letting yourself be used it that way. It would be a good idea to refrain for the dirty texting/chatting until you
    • #1
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Wow, how have you not gone mad, having had no boyfriend by the age of 23? Anyway, maybe just get out more? Like visit more places, join some clubs. Maybe even join a dating site? Just widen your opportunities, and hopefully someone will come along Good luck
    Wow, thanks for all the replies everyone. I guess I haven't placed much importance on dating and relationships when my peers did so now when everyone seems involved, I'm starting out. I'm not too fussed, I'm pretty easy to get along with, I think I just naively give people a chance and not tar all guys with the 'he's only after one thing' brush. Hmmm
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    (Original post by CD005)
    because we're guys, I have alot of 'friends that are girls' and do chat to them quite often about what they've been up to etc. but can't help but feel I would go that extra step further if they were willing to
    The only way your gonna get a decent male friend your thinking is probably if he is either gay or in a serious, devoted, long-term relationship with someone

    (Well that's the way I see it anyway) But still, I don't go pushing my female friends into flirting lol & just put on a good friendly front, maybe you just got in with a select few bad eggs :cool:

    Sure you are at an age now where your mature(ing) and looking for something more, what i gather from the main post is you are leading quite a few guys on with the 'dirty texting' etc. and your leading them into think your the type of 'easy' girl that you are not describing yourself as.

    If you want to start being respected you should cut out this cheap reputation/nature you have built with guys and get talking with a decent guy about general things & if you like him try and take it a step further...all in due time ofcourse, dont rush things
    Thank you so much for your post. I know from my post it seems like I just launch into dirty texting etc without knowing the people, just for the sake of it, because I'm low in self esteem etc. I wouldn't describe myself as low in self esteem. Maybe I just do it for a laugh or a bit of fun but afterwards I feel so rubbish for doing it. I hate thinking that I'm cheapening myself by doing this so you're probably right. I'm a pretty normal person who loves having a chat and laugh and DO talk about general things with guys I might like. The problem in my dating life is not just down to the dodgy messages which I never really do with people I actually like...

    I think guys think I'm too reserved and so when I get comfortable with them and come out of my 'shell' they run a mile...

    :woo:
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    (Original post by Jose1989)
    I think that sometimes the opportunities don't come your way. When I think about it, I just met my boyfriends by chance. You will meet someone who is right for you and wants more than a fling. I[B] highly doubt there's anything wrong with you at all.[/B] Maybe work on your self-esteem/confidence a bit. and don't 'talk dirty' via text/msn because it gives the wrong impression. But you'll be fine. People always say someone comes along when you stop looking
    Thank you for your advice. I'm reassured that nothing is wrong with me other than having confidence (amongst other) issues! :yep:
 
 
 
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