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    It's quite a long story because we have quite a large history but recently I think we're just going through the motions and to be honest I think I've been lying to myself for quite a while. We split up because it'd been one thing after another with him and I was sick of it. But one night at a party about half a year later, he begged me to get back together and kept telling me how much he loved me. I felt terrible, and ended up drinking too much! By the time he'd sobered up & I was ill I just remember him putting a cover over me when I fell asleep on the couch, saying 'here you go beautiful' and bringing me water, and it was at that moment I thought 'I want to get back together'.

    At first it felt like we were going through the honeymoon phase again, but after a while cracks were showing again. He isn't very good in bed and it's meant I really don't have much of a physical attraction to him anymore. The kissing isn't great either...and by that I don't mean he's terrible, but there doesn't seem to be any passion. It was so quiet the other night I felt that I was going through the motions and almost felt like crying! I think he has some pretty weird values about some things and other times I feel myself looking at him as though my god he really doesn't get me, he sometimes has quite a biting tongue on him, which can be hurtful, though it doesnt emerge often. But other times...

    He tells me he loves me all the time, we're at different unis, therefore don't see eachother much, but he's always looking for ways for us to spend some time together. When we do spend time together I feel quite content with him most of the time, and we laugh together, He says I can talk to him about anything (lol, well...) and he's my best friend too. The other problem...I've met this guy at uni...we just clicked instantly. We've got so much in common, interests, values etc, and I find myself fascinated by him. Also, I feel like ripping his clothes off everytime I see him, and I've seen him giving me the same look :woo: Not good. I mean there's other guys I'm friends with at uni who are good looking etc but for some reason I'm just drawn to him.

    My boyfriend is such a good guy, and we do have a good time together, but this feeling of going through the motions...it's starting to really affect me because I suppress it so much I just can't tell anyone...almost because it seems as though there's no concrete reason to feel as upset as I do when I actually stop and think about it. Any thoughts?
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    Sounds to me like you love your boyfriend but you're not 'in' love... if you see what I mean.


    I think you already know what you want to do. :yep:
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    go after the second guy.
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    (Original post by jennikay)
    Sounds to me like you love your boyfriend but you're not 'in' love... if you see what I mean.


    I think you already know what you want to do. :yep:
    I do indeed...I think you are right, and that there is a lack of chemistry. But I've only recently realised this myself. I broke up with him before because things weren't working and just didn't feel right but I'd been having a crap time with family things so thought it might have just been a case of too many emotions at once, I wasn't certain why it didn't feel right. But now I've realised what it really is...it's too late. I can't hurt him again, so it almost seems better to just go through the motions :confused:
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    if you stick around with your current guy you're not only lying to him but you're lying to yourself. not to say you shouldnt stay friends, you should but everyone deserves passion and if you feel that chemistry then why not go after it, espcially if this old one is clearly not working out
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    (Original post by Kattt_452)
    I do indeed...I think you are right, and that there is a lack of chemistry. But I've only recently realised this myself. I broke up with him before because things weren't working and just didn't feel right but I'd been having a crap time with family things so thought it might have just been a case of too many emotions at once, I wasn't certain why it didn't feel right. But now I've realised what it really is...it's too late. I can't hurt him again, so it almost seems better to just go through the motions :confused:
    :no: you'll hurt him eventually though surely? Unless you plan to keep it up forever :dontknow:
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    (Original post by metrostation22)
    if you stick around with your current guy you're not only lying to him but you're lying to yourself. not to say you shouldnt stay friends, you should but everyone deserves passion and if you feel that chemistry then why not go after it, espcially if this old one is clearly not working out
    Last time we split, he refused to speak to me. He was so upset it was easier to hate me than admit he still loved me. I know for a fact he would do the same and I'd probably never hear from him again.
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    doesns ound very mature :/. suggest a break? then its not a clean 'split' but it'll give him time to cool off so it wouldnt be such a shock when it ended
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    (Original post by Kattt_452)
    Last time we split, he refused to speak to me. He was so upset it was easier to hate me than admit he still loved me. I know for a fact he would do the same and I'd probably never hear from him again.
    You really should leave him, its completely pointless being in a relationship with no spark and no future. Your young he's young you'll both get over it. And if you don't speak to him again, ah well, live and learn!
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    I sort of feel the same as you. I'm happy that i'm not alone in feeling like I'm 'going through the motions'

    I'm not sure what'll happen yet though, I think I'm gonna see if my relationship gets any better first.

    But you two seem to have been going out a long time, and with the break up you had, and the 'flaws' you've mentioned about him makes me think that your just looking for an excuse to break up with him.

    It will hurt him... and probably hurt you too for a while, I know how you feel. But in the end, you can't keep it up, unless you plan to marry and live like this for maybe the rest of your life?
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    I feel sorry for your bf.
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    (Original post by sensibleandy)
    You really should leave him, its completely pointless being in a relationship with no spark and no future. Your young he's young you'll both get over it. And if you don't speak to him again, ah well, live and learn!
    :yes: Agreed. If you're only with him to avoid hurting his feelings then it's a pretty pointless situation to be in. You may be being selfless, but think about your own happiness - is he really someone you want to be with if he's going to "hate" you and not speak to you if you break up again?

    Maybe you're mistaking love for simply caring about him?
 
 
 
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