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How to forget the past and bad experiences watch

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    Two years ago, I fell out with my best friend. I thought it would blow over but she somehow managed to turn my entire 'friendship group' against me. They started bullying me and I was so unhappy at the time that I changed schools midway through A-levels and went somewhere new for year 13.

    I absolutely loved my new college,made friends who are better than my old ones ever were and I'm now a first year at uni and have made even more friends. My one question is, why can I not get these other girls out of my head?Me changing school was a blessing in disguise as I wasn't doing that well academically at my old one.I'm also very happy at university but there hasn't been a single day where I haven't thought about those girls.

    I've seen a counsellor,psychiatrist,therapis t but nothing's helped. I just want to forget everything that happened and forget them but I can't. It's preventing me from doing everyday stuff that I want to do. For example, I wanted to go to a specific shop yesterday but since it's near one of the girls' houses I'm terrified of bumping into her/her family so I won't go. Or if a song comes up on my ipod that my friend and I used to love, I still can't bare to listen to it.

    It has taken over my life for two years and I just want it to stop
    What do you suggest I do?

    A very desperate and unhappy student
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    That's great that you've managed to move on in such a way and make such great friends, but obviously still bad memories are lingering. Are you open about your experiences with your new friends? Perhaps that would help you get some perspective on it.
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    That's not really a bad experience, is it? Once you realise it's not that bad and many people have had much worse experiences or are in a very bad situation, much much worse than yours, then you'll forget about it. Your experience is almost trivial as it happens to the majority of kids at school and in most cases doesn't affect them long term, so why should it be any harder for you?

    As soon as you realise it's no big deal, it'll go away :top:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Two years ago, I fell out with my best friend. I thought it would blow over but she somehow managed to turn my entire 'friendship group' against me. They started bullying me and I was so unhappy at the time that I changed schools midway through A-levels and went somewhere new for year 13.

    I absolutely loved my new college,made friends who are better than my old ones ever were and I'm now a first year at uni and have made even more friends. My one question is, why can I not get these other girls out of my head?Me changing school was a blessing in disguise as I wasn't doing that well academically at my old one.I'm also very happy at university but there hasn't been a single day where I haven't thought about those girls.

    I've seen a counsellor,psychiatrist,therapis t but nothing's helped. I just want to forget everything that happened and forget them but I can't. It's preventing me from doing everyday stuff that I want to do. For example, I wanted to go to a specific shop yesterday but since it's near one of the girls' houses I'm terrified of bumping into her/her family so I won't go. Or if a song comes up on my ipod that my friend and I used to love, I still can't bare to listen to it.

    It has taken over my life for two years and I just want it to stop
    What do you suggest I do?

    A very desperate and unhappy student
    I don't think you can ever really escape from your past or run away from your problems. Rather than turn away from your past, why don't you turn in to it? From my own experience, the bad experiences in my past made me who I am today. Adversity made me a much stronger person and out of every negative situation, something positive has come from it. Just like you say going to a new college was good for you.

    I see every experience in life, good or bad, as a learning experience. We all experience bad things at some point, it's inevitable. I think we learn some of our most important lessons through bad experiences, I believe it's character-building. One piece of wisdom I find particularly useful is this:

    'God, grant me the serenity
    to accept the things I cannot change;
    the courage to change the things I can;
    and the wisdom to know the difference.'

    We can't change our past but we can change our future. The only person who can make you forget is you, not some therapist or counsellor or doctor. You are the one in control, the responsibility lies with you. They can show you the door but you have to be the one who walks through it.

    You mentioned being terrified about potentially bumping in to one of these girls. In my experience, the best way to overcome your fears is to confront them. I overcame my fear of heights and it changed my life, the courage I got from overcoming such a big fear, transformed all other areas of my life. Don't let fear keep you a prisoner in your own body.
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    I've been in a similar situation though not as severe as yours sounds.

    A good thing to do which can help you move past ths is to write everything down in a journal. Write everything you've felt and experienced and then put it away. Working through it, even just in your own head and then physically putting it away can really help. Another thing you could do is a bit cheesier, I know, but can also really help. Write a letter to your ex-friend. Write down everything you wish you could have said but maybe never had the chance to. When you're done you'll hopefully feel better. Don't send it, but tear it up and remove those feelings from your life.

    If you bump into the them the best thing to do is remember you did nothing wrong, it was these people. You've moved on, you're happy at university. You don't need them and what they think doesn't matter.

    I hope this helps and doesn't sound contrived.

    Good luck.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Two years ago, I fell out with my best friend. I thought it would blow over but she somehow managed to turn my entire 'friendship group' against me. They started bullying me and I was so unhappy at the time that I changed schools midway through A-levels and went somewhere new for year 13.

    I absolutely loved my new college,made friends who are better than my old ones ever were and I'm now a first year at uni and have made even more friends. My one question is, why can I not get these other girls out of my head?Me changing school was a blessing in disguise as I wasn't doing that well academically at my old one.I'm also very happy at university but there hasn't been a single day where I haven't thought about those girls.

    I've seen a counsellor,psychiatrist,therapis t but nothing's helped. I just want to forget everything that happened and forget them but I can't. It's preventing me from doing everyday stuff that I want to do. For example, I wanted to go to a specific shop yesterday but since it's near one of the girls' houses I'm terrified of bumping into her/her family so I won't go. Or if a song comes up on my ipod that my friend and I used to love, I still can't bare to listen to it.

    It has taken over my life for two years and I just want it to stop
    What do you suggest I do?

    A very desperate and unhappy student

    First thing: *big hugs*
    *another hug*
    i really feel for you x
    I moved school 3 times during my schooling career as well (was not due to the same reason as you. it was academic reasons) but I know what you feel like. I really wish you weren't on anonymous so I could message you, but anyway:
    You know, sometimes, you find your best friends during sixth form. I know a lot of people will say "no no, university is the best time of your life, trustttttt" but the truth is, that at uni you make friends with people because they happen to be doing the same course as you...or they are in the same campus as you...or same accomodation...or something like that. But at school, you are a massive bunch of hormonal teenagers and you learn how to deal with each other, who you get on with, what personalities will clash with you and you won't get on with etc.
    Therefore, no matter how happy you are at university, all those years and all those memories you spent with your ex-best friend will still linger in your mind. If this had happened in year 8/9 I would have just said to you "don't worry, you'll forget about it." but the fact that it happened at sixth form makes it so much worse and harder to forget.
    My best friend is so close to me - we are like sisters. I remember we fell out for around a month a year ago (i cant even remember why. it was so petty), but every single day I would think about what happened. She also turned another close friend of mine against me which made it so hard. Eventually, she couldn't stand it anymore and she texted me with the most cutest apology ever! lol we all made up. But i know that this is a totally different scenario because the actual period of time we fell out for was not very long.
    And the fact you were midway through year13 makes it so much harder - you effectively are an adult then!!
    What I would advise you is FIRSTLY: delete them from your facebook if you have them as friends on there. If you leave them on, you will find yourself constantly stalking them and seeing what they are up to.
    secondly, give it another 6months until the summer. At the moment, you have more time on your hands because you dont have exams and stuff going on. Just WAIT til the summer! You're going to be crumbling under a rock of work and tonnes of exams! You wont have time to go to the toilet, let alone think about this horrible person who bullied you! What you need is to preoccupy yourself with something. Take up a new hobby...something exciting...i dunno, whatever interests you
    If you don;t feel this is the way you want to go about it, the alternative is that you two talk adult to adult. Come on dude, you're both first year uni students, you're both mature 18year olds...there is NO WAY she will still be a childish horrible selfish prick anymore! Send her an email/fb msg first. Do NOT ring her or just make a sudden move - that might make things worse. Write her a long email about how you feel. and how you would prefer to just resolve this like true mature adults.

    I really really genuinly feel for you hun <3
    If you feel a bit confident later, msg me from your real account. You can talk to me about things like this *another hug* xx
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    I can imagine that must've really hurt at the time :hugs:

    You've obviously moved on, as you are happy now, and wants nothing to do with them. However, I don't think you've ever gotten closure. To be honest, it would probably be a good idea to go around where those girls are now - even if not to confront them, but just to let yourself know you feel comfortable enough to do so. I think it's a mental thing in your end that you can't let go, whereas after you've experienced it (and I seriously doubt they'd scream abuse at you if they saw you) you would probably realise you are way over everything already. You shouldn't feel you should tiptoe around them, they were the ones who did wrong, you were brave enough to get over that.
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    Ifi it hurts that much, try and get rid of everything that you associate with the event.

    I had a really bad experience at uni, and like you have found that certain songs/ albums can bring the feelings right back. So, I got rid of them. I also deleted hundreds of photos, donated loads of clothes to charity shops, and sold a few things. Perhaps that's a bit extreme in your case (I was really miserable), bit it helped me.
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    look its the bad things in the past that make us the people we are today, its moving on from them nasty people and finding you deserve good friends and a happy life which should comfort you in those times when you think about the past, things happen for a reason and lucky for you they did cus look how thinks worked out. when ever u start to think about the past just think of the future with your new friends
 
 
 
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