The Student Room Group

Feeling unwanted

This might end up being a long winded post, but i need to vent somewhere :smile:

Its nearly 2 years since i first went to uni, i was stuck in a flat with 9 other people, we all got on pretty good, i however got on better with one of my female flat mates :smile:

We'd spend practically every day together, hang out, talk all the time, go out on our own and get smashed (lol) as time passed by, i started having feelings for her (always the case isnt it?), i confronted her (even though she had a BF who was 10 years older than her, and she despised him) and she wasnt sure... we became distant and didnt talk to each other for 3 odd months (even though our rooms were opposite)... we departed for the summer and barely talked.

3 out of the 9 people from the flat changed uni's, i havent heard nor seen them since the 1st year, these were people who i hung out with every day, who i thought would be my best friends whilst at uni, and they were for that 1st year.

My best mate who i shared a room with, also changed uni and havent heard from him either which has shocked people because we really were decent friends.

Other friends i made, were mostly foreign from different societies, football, music society and dance music society and we all hung out all the time, got on great.

The 2nd year, i ended up living with this girl yet again (despite rarely talking), i didnt have much choice in the matter, we sorted out our 2nd year accomodation long before things got messy and i didnt want to loose my deposit. 4 of us in total in this house, 1 girl got a BF in the first week and they never spent a single day apart (literally, im not joking, she completely ignored everyone and was with him every single waking moment of the day), so that friendship fell apart, another mate who lived with us just became a bore, he never left the house at all, and had no friends other than us.

And then there's the girl, we got quite close again, despite tension between us, went out on occasion and ended up kissing after a few boozy nights. She got a new bf at home, but at uni, she sleeps around and never feels guilty at all. We got really close when the 2nd year came to an end, but we dont talk at all now.

I havent been able to get past it at all, no matter how much ive tried, i was quite alright for a while since leaving uni in may, but i looked at some old photos over the weekend and its really bummed me out, i still have these feelings for her.

The fact is, people i met at uni, no longer talk to me , 30 or so people just going completely seperate ways, no one replies to text messages, or responds to phone calls, its like im invisible or something.

Its really bummed me out, i dont consider myself a bad person at all, infact im quite the opposite, people tell me in funny and confident and have a great 'presence' around me, it just feels as though ive wasted 2 years building friendships with people and im left completely alone.

This is quite a long and confusing post, not much of it makes sense as i have a long tale to tell but this is the jist of it, lol :smile:

Meet people, people leave and forget about you, uni sucks.

I just feel completely alone, its like i dont have any friends any more, i love birmingham but aston university is full of the most false people i have ever met.

I will be going to another uni (through clearing), hopefully i will meet better people.
Reply 1
What is it you are asking us?

I won't be going to Aston then!
Reply 2
Not really asking anything, lol

Just had to vent :smile:

Unless you have an idea of why people have become distant.

See it as an insight into 1 persons experience at university which should have been a lot better.
Reply 3
Its no better anywhere else Im afraid. What can I say good friends is a rare good. Just do your best and if people don't bother to are about you its their loss really.
twistedheaven
Not really asking anything, lol

Just had to vent :smile:

Unless you have an idea of why people have become distant.

See it as an insight into 1 persons experience at university which should have been a lot better.

sometimes its good to vent and get ur feelings out :smile:
Reply 5
Wait. She sleeps around but she won't sleep with you? She's saying she won't go out with you because she has a boyfriend. But she sleeps around. Not with you though...

Sounds like she's messin with you, just leave her and grow a beard :biggrin:
Reply 6
People just use each other. The perfect friendship is when to people use each other equally for different things and respect each other etc. That's from my experience anyway,
Reply 7
I hope you feel better for letting your feelings out, sometimes it brings closure seeing them in black and white, if that makes sense?!

Just remember you are a fabulous person and it's their loss that they decided to forget about you. I hope you make some friends as nice as you are at your new Uni. :smile:
Reply 8
Can i just ask why you're changing uni (and where do you want to go)? and what about your friends from your course? are you not close with any of them?

lou xxx
-TMG-

Sounds like she's messin with you, just leave her and grow a beard :biggrin:


:confused:

grow...a....beard???
Reply 10
Beards are cool.
Yeah, it sound spretty ****. Do you not speak to people from your course? Areyou intending on living with her again next year?

MB
We've parted ways, and we dont talk at all now, i dont think ill ever see her again if i go to another uni.

Im going to another uni for a few reasons, i hate the course im on and took a long time for me to realise that i just dont want a career in computing, ill be bored out of my mind sitting at a desk on a pc for the rest of my life.

I do know plenty of people on my course, we do chat and hang out sometimes but we just dont have much in common, they all like to talk about internet and gaming where as id rather go out, have a few drinks and socialise as much as possible (lol). Thing is, you grow closer to the people you live with for that 1st year, and most of them left, so my circle of friends is a bit fooked, lol :smile:

I plan to apply to birmingham, manchester, nottingham, warwick and maybe ill apply to aston again, not sure (its a convenience thing), yes i have wasted 2 years, but its the rest of my life and not everything is always straight forward in the beggining.

And forget the beard, lol... i like the designer stubble look :biggrin: :biggrin: :wink:
Reply 13
dont worry i had a simillar experience with some of my friends- there was like 4 of us- one was my best friend since i was like 7 years old. Anyway 2 years ago when we startred 6th form a lot of new ppl started which was all very exciting and we all got to know them. After two weeks my best friend had found a new friend (the friendship didn't last ong like 4 weeks) and she didnt want me to be a part of it or even her life- she just ignored me- for whatever reason.

then the other two girls who i was friends with just became distant.
throughout the rest of the 6th form- nearly two years - none of them even bothered to say hello.

last week at a party i spoke to one of them and she was all chat like nothing had happened.- to tell the truth im glad i didnt waste anymore time with them as i dont consider them to be TRUE friends.- although i am grateful that they helped make me the person that i am today.

I will always wonder exatly what happened- but then again in a way im glad it did because it made me much stronger as a person and i now have some great mates who i have to say are a lot more fun!

So all can say is just move on and learn from the experience- tho it may be painful dont waste your time on ppl who just dont care- you'll probably find that they'll come running back to you when they need/want something- when they do be there for them but also be very careful!
Reply 14
The best you can do is move on and find new people.
Reply 15
my friends from the first year have drifted away, its just how things go. Ive been moved away from my friends onto a different course so ill start again making new friends, i think its going to be harder cos everyone will already know each other. But im hoping i might meet someone who i can date along the way. The problem is alot of the lads i know from last year are years younger than me.