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Whenever I get close to a guy.... then bam I get scared and back off :( watch

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    a couple of times i've liked a guy who i've got to know/or been friends with, and then as soon as I feel there is a spark and we like each other, I get freaked out and dont feel like I want to go out with him anymore.
    I think its because i'm scared of having a relationship or something, i'm 17 and ive never had a bf, so I think this is it?
    Ive told myself maybe i'm not ready, but if i'm not ready now, when am I ever going to be??
    Does anyone else feel like this? i can quite happily fancy a boy without getting to know him, but then nothing ever comes of it and I feel sad. But when I like a boy who may like me too (and we talk loads) then I back off. Aggh I hate it, help please!
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    my ex was like that. I still miss her. I don't know what to suggesr really. I tried going as slow as possible with her, but she eventurally broke up with me. I never tried to even kiss her or hold her hand unless I was sure she'd be okay with it. Maybe you'll eventurally get used to it?
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    I'm 17 too .
    I'm like this.

    You've got to get to know him and ask to go really slowly. But you have to go out of your comfort zone.
    I've just broken up with someone after 3 months (big achievement for me haha).

    Good luck!
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    I'm a 16 year old guy and i never had a gf.... Im probobly freaky i just care more about my studies then girls... But when i go to college/uni uhhhh its all gonna change.... Hope it will
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    a couple of times i've liked a guy who i've got to know/or been friends with, and then as soon as I feel there is a spark and we like each other, I get freaked out and dont feel like I want to go out with him anymore.
    I think its because i'm scared of having a relationship or something, i'm 17 and ive never had a bf, so I think this is it?
    Ive told myself maybe i'm not ready, but if i'm not ready now, when am I ever going to be??
    Does anyone else feel like this? i can quite happily fancy a boy without getting to know him, but then nothing ever comes of it and I feel sad. But when I like a boy who may like me too (and we talk loads) then I back off. Aggh I hate it, help please!

    Same can be said to me. In other words, we like to stick on others but we don't like others to stick on us. So you can say...we don't like sticky people
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    (Original post by AngelicPain)
    I'm a 16 year old guy and i never had a gf.... Im probobly freaky i just care more about my studies then girls... But when i go to college/uni uhhhh its all gonna change.... Hope it will
    Yeah, just make sure you have a balance, Uni > College > GCSE.
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    (Original post by Tallon)
    my ex was like that. I still miss her. I don't know what to suggesr really. I tried going as slow as possible with her, but she eventurally broke up with me. I never tried to even kiss her or hold her hand unless I was sure she'd be okay with it. Maybe you'll eventurally get used to it?
    Sorry to hear but it sound like...your a person who asks permission, is it okay i can kiss you now or should i kiss you later.

    Not sure what her real reason she broke up with you. Her loss.
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    Yeah relationships scare me quite a lot too.

    You know, seeming as I actually have friends on here I figure I'm gonna have to start being more careful about what I post.

    (yes Jamie, I mean you :P)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    a couple of times i've liked a guy who i've got to know/or been friends with, and then as soon as I feel there is a spark and we like each other, I get freaked out and dont feel like I want to go out with him anymore.
    I think its because i'm scared of having a relationship or something, i'm 17 and ive never had a bf, so I think this is it?
    Ive told myself maybe i'm not ready, but if i'm not ready now, when am I ever going to be??
    Does anyone else feel like this? i can quite happily fancy a boy without getting to know him, but then nothing ever comes of it and I feel sad. But when I like a boy who may like me too (and we talk loads) then I back off. Aggh I hate it, help please!
    I feel exactly the same! The vision of being in the relationship scares the hell out of me xD I don't exactly know why and I can't help it.
    Perhaps you just have to wait for the right moment? At least that's what I keep telling myslef
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    I know how you feel. I used to feel unhappy about not having relationships but if anything had actually happened I would have run a mile. I used to have crushes on people who I would never get, sometimes because they were in relationships, just because I liked the security of knowing that I would never have to deal with an actual relationship. I was older than you are when I finally realised that an actual relationship was something I wanted and that I wanted to make things happen. You will feel ready. Not everyone reaches the same stage at the same time and there's no reason for you to force yourself into conforming to the norm if it's not something you're comfortable with yet.
    As for why I felt that way, I'm not completely sure. But I do think that it had a lot to do with how I saw myself and how I felt about myself. I needed to mature and gain confidence and that's probably what you need to do as well. Finally I'm naturally kind of cagey about my feelings and the thought of having to share them with someone else used to frighten me somewhat. Just don't worry about it. There's no race.
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    (Original post by fourdigit)
    Sorry to hear but it sound like...your a person who asks permission, is it okay i can kiss you now or should i kiss you later.

    Not sure what her real reason she broke up with you. Her loss.


    erm.. ok? Don't know how to reply really lol..
    • #2
    #2

    I'm like this too. I've never had a proper relationship, when I do start to get close to people I just push them away and back off totally. It's stupid. I've slept with people, so it's not physically being close to someone, it's as soon as I think they might actually have feelings for me/me them. It freaks me out!
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    Relationships are literally THE most natural thing in the world...and trust me, everybody can do them...OP, don't be scared, the only way you can ever find out about the world and enjoy life is by jumping in, feet first and unafraid Well, at least with excitement overriding the fear If there's someone who likes you, why not just go for it, give it a go? :dontknow: What's the worst that could happen!

    Good luck, and don't be afraid. xxx
    • #3
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    (Original post by -Adeline-)
    I know how you feel. I used to feel unhappy about not having relationships but if anything had actually happened I would have run a mile. I used to have crushes on people who I would never get, sometimes because they were in relationships, just because I liked the security of knowing that I would never have to deal with an actual relationship. I was older than you are when I finally realised that an actual relationship was something I wanted and that I wanted to make things happen. You will feel ready. Not everyone reaches the same stage at the same time and there's no reason for you to force yourself into conforming to the norm if it's not something you're comfortable with yet.
    As for why I felt that way, I'm not completely sure. But I do think that it had a lot to do with how I saw myself and how I felt about myself. I needed to mature and gain confidence and that's probably what you need to do as well. Finally I'm naturally kind of cagey about my feelings and the thought of having to share them with someone else used to frighten me somewhat. Just don't worry about it. There's no race.
    When you did realise that 'an actual relationship was something you wanted', what did you do then? How did you go about making things happen?
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    I feel the same way too ...which is why I'm going to wait 4 the right time and the right woman to come around lol
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    story of my life
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    a couple of times i've liked a guy who i've got to know/or been friends with, and then as soon as I feel there is a spark and we like each other, I get freaked out and dont feel like I want to go out with him anymore.
    I think its because i'm scared of having a relationship or something, i'm 17 and ive never had a bf, so I think this is it?
    Ive told myself maybe i'm not ready, but if i'm not ready now, when am I ever going to be??
    Does anyone else feel like this? i can quite happily fancy a boy without getting to know him, but then nothing ever comes of it and I feel sad. But when I like a boy who may like me too (and we talk loads) then I back off. Aggh I hate it, help please!
    This is 100% me!! Happened pretty recently actually, really wanted something to happen then it did and i got scared and have been pretty much avoiding him since... appearing offline etc til he's gone and then regretting not talking lol
    Ah well, i reckon that when its right it'll work... *fingers crossed* :yes:
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    Whenever I talk to a girl I like I involuntarily become formal and change my tone.
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    (Original post by tomheppy)
    Whenever I talk to a girl I like I involuntarily become formal and change my tone.
    I'm a guy...

    ...do you want another date on the 36:awesome:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    a couple of times i've liked a guy who i've got to know/or been friends with, and then as soon as I feel there is a spark and we like each other, I get freaked out and dont feel like I want to go out with him anymore.
    I think its because i'm scared of having a relationship or something, i'm 17 and ive never had a bf, so I think this is it?
    Ive told myself maybe i'm not ready, but if i'm not ready now, when am I ever going to be??
    Does anyone else feel like this? i can quite happily fancy a boy without getting to know him, but then nothing ever comes of it and I feel sad. But when I like a boy who may like me too (and we talk loads) then I back off. Aggh I hate it, help please!
    You don't have to be in a relationship you know, you don't have to put attachment on it, I think it's unhealthy to just have an attachment to the idea of being in a relationship. It leads to a dependency on it of some sort.
    Perhaps you could try concentrating on being single, and remaining single for a while, so that you've got more control over the situation, instead of finding that you're doing so involuntary.
 
 
 
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