before there were friends... Watch

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kokopops
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#1
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ok i was reading the guy and girl friends thread and seem to get the impression most of the girls stick with the view that yes, a guy and girl can just be friends...
i just thought, the people you are friends with now, of the opposite sex, when you first got into the friendship, was there an ulterior motive ... i mean a lot of people say that in a friendship of two sexes, one will have liked the other at some point...

views?! (sorry if this has been done over and over ... i just read an article in cosmo and its got me thinking...)
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Glory
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#2
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my male friends tend to be ones i dont fancy, but i can talk to easly. The personality is there, but the attraction isnt.
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kokopops
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#3
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(Original post by Glory)
my male friends tend to be ones i dont fancy, but i can talk to easly. The personality is there, but the attraction isnt.
but did you ever fancy them!? like...has there ever been a point where you've gone, "oooh" and then...like noooo...!? i sound really weird i know...sorri
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Glory
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#4
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No i dont think i did, well not in the case of the guy im thinking about atm. I did in the past feel attracted to several of my friends once, but that came after getting to know them. They more like crushs and more like falling in love with the idea of dating someone, not necessarly them.

However one did turn out into a relationship, it has to be one of the worse relationships ive ever been apart of. Was really wierd to be doing things with a friend, he wanted to stay friends but have the fruits of the relationship at the same time. I didnt feel comfy about it, but i did like him it was a battle i like this guy but hes a good mate, mates shouldnt be doing this and that. Well im not friends with him now, he did the dirty accross me and told loads of lies, throughout the length of our friendship which didnt make sense til right at the end. I had support from mine and his best mate(who is also male), i think our friend felt he had been taken a ride too about the lies and lost respect in the friend i had dated.
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Hoofbeat
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#5
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I'm the opposite really. I met my current bf on the 2nd day of fresher's week and we hit it off immediately...I remember spending much of the first 'bop' (oxford term for party) we had sitting outside with him just chatting. He already had a gf and I certainly didn't see him in that way anyways. We were inseparable all year long....we hung out together all the time. Everyone always assumed we were together and if not we would be soon - they all said "a girl and a guy can't be that close andn just friends". However, we were quite simply just the best of mates! I then started to have feelings for him around Easter but I was determined not to do anything - he's the best friend I've ever had and I wasn't going to do anything that ever ruined that. We were both on holiday in Spain a few weeks ago staying near each other and we met up lots. We got talking about the future and discovered that we did both feel the same way about each other but neither of us wanted to make a move in case the feelings weren't mutual - we both valued our friendship so much. Anyways, we've now been together a couple of weeks and (I know that's not that long!), but nothing's changed in our friendship. We're exactly the same as before, but now with just a little bit extra. I'm glad we started as friends - we've always been comfortable to talk to each other and I think that's making our relationship stronger. We're both really happy at the moment, neither of us have lost a friend, just gained a 'partner' and we've both agreed that no matter what happens we will always stay friends - ultimately we value our friendship more than our relationship
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musicbloke
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#6
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I have plenty of female friends who are just friends. I guess that I've never thought about most of them sexually. This is down to them being ugly or me knowing I don't have a chance I uess - all subconscious though.

MB
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habosh
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#7
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I lately think they can actully
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Gem
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#8
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I have loads of boy mates that I would never consider dating...they're just mates! I think if you start a friendship in the hope that you will eventually date him, he probably wasn't ever just a 'friend' to start with, and so you'll maybe expect more and this is when the heartache happens!
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tillgii
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#9
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I think being just friends doesnt really have a high percentage of one of the two falling for him/her.

Where as being best mates and spending allot of time together has a much higher percentage.

My current g/f, we hated each other at first. Then one day started talking and found out we had allot in common. She initially fancied me, but as time moved on I really developed strong feelings for her but didnt want to mess our friendship.
Thanx to my insecurity of friendship I allowed her (I even helped her) go out with my 'friend' at that time.

We always had feelings for each other and none of us expressed them but in the end I did, and it led to so much confusion that we ended up not talking for 6 months.

Now we have been together for nearly 8 months, and I dont regret a single day
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kokopops
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#10
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#10
(Original post by * gemchicken *)
I have loads of boy mates that I would never consider dating...they're just mates! I think if you start a friendship in the hope that you will eventually date him, he probably wasn't ever just a 'friend' to start with, and so you'll maybe expect more and this is when the heartache happens!
thats true ... i kinda meant that some of the guys who are my friends i have maybe at one point liked, or i have found out that theyve liked me...its weird...but there u go...
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hippieglitter
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#11
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I still like to think that a guy and a girl can just be friends, both my best friends are guys, but having taken a closer look, one is gay and the other admitted that he fancied me.
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Acaila
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#12
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(Original post by musicbloke)
I have plenty of female friends who are just friends. I guess that I've never thought about most of them sexually. This is down to them being ugly or me knowing I don't have a chance I uess - all subconscious though.

MB
:eek: {slaps}

Girls and guys can be just friends, and I don't think I've ever got into a proper friendship with someone because of an ulterior motive. I have gone out with a couple of friends though when feelings changed.
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Amlea
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#13
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I had a guy friend who was a friend at first then he told me he fancied me and i was like "What?" and now we are kinda like back to friends.
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JoeCool_Lemming
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#14
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I've got 3 close guy mates, and when I met them and became friends, none of us had ulterior motives. I've already spoken to one of them about it, and we've both said we'd never have feelings for the other coz we're just good mates and don't see each other in that way. One of them used to have a crush on me, which I only found out about a while ago, so getting back to friendship is kind of weird. The last really is just a friend, that's far too complicated to get in to...
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Bubble Fairy
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#15
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(Original post by kokopops)
ok i was reading the guy and girl friends thread and seem to get the impression most of the girls stick with the view that yes, a guy and girl can just be friends...
i just thought, the people you are friends with now, of the opposite sex, when you first got into the friendship, was there an ulterior motive ... i mean a lot of people say that in a friendship of two sexes, one will have liked the other at some point...

views?! (sorry if this has been done over and over ... i just read an article in cosmo and its got me thinking...)
Tricky situation. People older than me (i.e. parents) think that there's always more to a male/female relationship - esp. when teenagers are concerned. Though they are old-fashioned in their views.

From my own experience, I don't think its possible to 'just be mates' - atleast not if the lad is well fine!!! The more fun, and time I spend with certain male friends, I think it would be even better if we were together.

At some point there's bound to be 'a more than mates relationship' felt by one friend. Unless that's just me, subconsciously, going for the fine lads as mates, so that it can lead to more. who knows...

depends on the situation & the people involved
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flick
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#16
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(Original post by kokopops)
ok i was reading the guy and girl friends thread and seem to get the impression most of the girls stick with the view that yes, a guy and girl can just be friends...
i just thought, the people you are friends with now, of the opposite sex, when you first got into the friendship, was there an ulterior motive ... i mean a lot of people say that in a friendship of two sexes, one will have liked the other at some point...

views?! (sorry if this has been done over and over ... i just read an article in cosmo and its got me thinking...)
I have a lot of friends who are girls (probably half of them), and there has never been (and never will because it's juste better to remain friends) any motive for the past 7 years.
So yes I don't see why it can't be that a guy and a girl can just be friends.
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~~hannah~~
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#17
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I think being just friends is possible. just ordinary friends.

BUT i think when you become best friends, like really really close (where you tell them everything, and they know you aswell as they know themselves) then im not sure it is possible to not want more.

I have had 2 best friends who are guys, one i ended up dating for a while but it didnt work out. the other is still my best friend, but he has confessed to wanting more.

what i dont know is this: is it that becoming so close makes you/other person want more? OR is it that wanting more to begin with makes you/other person become so close?

x x x
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ciara
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#18
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I think there's a point when a guy and a girl are getting to know each other where boundaries are established and once you get past a certain point, you know it's just a friends thing. Whether this is subconscious or is in the form of text ("Wtz happnin wiv us coz I need 2 no???!!!!" kinda stuff) probably depends on how relaxed the people concerned are, or something.

Even if you have established that you are friends though, problems do occur. Hormones are frequently running wild (spoken like a true granny) and if you are close friends with someone then well...something more might happen. I have a few male friends who initially fancied me, but I kinda subtly didn't give out signals, and now we're fine as friends and they have girlfriends or whatever. None who I've initially fancied though, possibly because I sulk when I don't get what I want.

It has to be said though, that occasionally (admittedly rarely) there is a mutual attraction and initially being "just good friends" can be the start of a great relationship as boyfriend/girlfriend.
Cxx
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