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    Recently my friend has confronted me about bottling things up. It came as a shock to him because I seem so together but a series of recent events proved the opposite. At first, he got upset with me because he felt like I didn't consider him a good enough friend to confide into but after a talk, it became clear to him that it's not him personally.. I find it hard to talk to about personal issues.. it's just a general thing with me. I told my friend its just the way I am. The issue now is that after a "series of events" that occured which brought this to his attention in the first place, my friend said that he was worried sick and now that he knows about my habit of running away from things, he really wants me to talk to someone..anyone even if it isn't him. I told him I'd find that realllyyyyy hard to do and he told me he's there for me if I want to talk but if I ignore the situation then our only relation will be that of having mutual friends because he can't ignore what he knows even if I can nor can he see me fake a smile now that he knows its fake. I told him it isnt easy for me and whilst he said whilst he understands me completely, he's not going to just sit back and let me "store" my problems but not seek help for them.

    After this conversation, I've seen him once and the whole day I wasn't able to make eye contact with him and we were simply civil to each other. That hurts because he's a really close friend. I haven't seen him in a few days and nor will I over the weekend (if I do it'll be around all our other friends so it'll just be a repeat of avoiding gaze n etc). I don't know what to do to sort the situation at hand out. I know what he's saying is right but I need time for that. Till then, I don't want to feel like I've lost a friend on top of everything else. I don't know what to say to him though. I feel like texting him right now but I don't know whether to bring up this issue again or just say something casual. I don't want us getting distant at any cost though.

    Keep anon please.
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    just realised I didnt end it off properly. My question is how do I set things right with him? and just how do I generally alllow myself to confide in him?
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    bump. somebody answer please..
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    If you think you'll feel comfortable -or not totally uncomfortable - then I'd try and talk to him, atleast a little bit. i was always the same as you until i actually did start talkin (everyone else told me their problems and eventually mine just came out without me think but it really wasn't as bad as I'd thought) it gets so much easier after the first time IMO. good luck
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    (Original post by Siobherz)
    If you think you'll feel comfortable -or not totally uncomfortable - then I'd try and talk to him, atleast a little bit. i was always the same as you until i actually did start talkin (everyone else told me their problems and eventually mine just came out without me think but it really wasn't as bad as I'd thought) it gets so much easier after the first time IMO. good luck
    I think I'd feel alright trying to talk to him.. just a tiny bit even though I know I'll freeze up when the time comes. I just don't know how to let him know I'm willing to help myself without actually literally saying it like that. At the moment, he's under the impression that I want to go on bottling things which is why he's being like he can't talk to me as "normal" if I'm not willing to do something about it.. I just don't know how to let him in or let him know that I want to.
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    anybody else?
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    I think you have to force yourself to disclose personal things bit by bit, as weird as that sounds. I decided I wanted to have a closer relationship with my mum so I started confiding in her bit by bit. I felt really awkward at first but as time went on it got easier and I definitely feel we're closer as a result.
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    maybe text him saying you'd really like to talk to him about things? honestly, the harding part about confiding is actually taking the plunge and opening up to someone for the first time. i promise you'll feel better for it! bottling things up isnt unhelpful to you and your friends... you'll distance yourself from your mates and people that you care about, and then it will make you even more introverted/unhappy and give you more feelings to bottle up. it's an unhealthy cycle and you need to break it. life is so much better when you are able to talk to people about your problems... it's nice to have people that care enough to listen to your problems and want to help make you feel better, plus it's just nice to get things off your chest and not keep everything to yourself... it's like a release.

    what's the worst that could happen if you open up? maybe someone will betray your trust.. but then, i think its worst the risk because sharing personal stuff with friends/family/whoever makes you feel so much better in yourself.

    the only thing stopping you is yourself. your friend is just really worried about you and WANTS to be there for you... he sounds really nice and like someone you should be able to confide in. and once you start talking, it's so easy and you'll probably talk his ears off! but he will be happy cuz you trust him enough to tell him these things... and YOU will feel better, having someone who cares
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    (Original post by Jelkin)
    I think you have to force yourself to disclose personal things bit by bit, as weird as that sounds. I decided I wanted to have a closer relationship with my mum so I started confiding in her bit by bit. I felt really awkward at first but as time went on it got easier and I definitely feel we're closer as a result.
    How can I let him know I want to talk to him? Because I won't be able to disclose things straight away but I do want to let him know that I want to start because at the moment he's pretty pissed off at me because he thinks I'm reluctant to even consider change.
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    (Original post by popple7)
    maybe text him saying you'd really like to talk to him about things? honestly, the harding part about confiding is actually taking the plunge and opening up to someone for the first time. i promise you'll feel better for it! bottling things up isnt unhelpful to you and your friends... you'll distance yourself from your mates and people that you care about, and then it will make you even more introverted/unhappy and give you more feelings to bottle up. it's an unhealthy cycle and you need to break it. life is so much better when you are able to talk to people about your problems... it's nice to have people that care enough to listen to your problems and want to help make you feel better, plus it's just nice to get things off your chest and not keep everything to yourself... it's like a release.

    what's the worst that could happen if you open up? maybe someone will betray your trust.. but then, i think its worst the risk because sharing personal stuff with friends/family/whoever makes you feel so much better in yourself.

    the only thing stopping you is yourself. your friend is just really worried about you and WANTS to be there for you... he sounds really nice and like someone you should be able to confide in. and once you start talking, it's so easy and you'll probably talk his ears off! but he will be happy cuz you trust him enough to tell him these things... and YOU will feel better, having someone who cares
    I shall rep you for your answer because you make me feel even more positive about wanting to confide!

    this may sound silly but even confiding in him that I want to confide seems heavy.. it feels weird texting him that and it's also like I might be in this mindframe right now but who knows when the time comes.
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    You can text him explaining that youd like to talk to him about it? And if you dont want to tell him everything you can just say certain things you're happy for him to know. That way he's happy that you're speaking to someone about it, you should be back to being friends, and you know you have someone to talk to when you need to. Over time you'll find it easier to confide in him about more and more stuff and hopefully he'll try to help you got over things.

    You should maybe also try to explain to him beforehand that its hard for you to tell him this stuff and that with time you'll talk to him about it?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I shall rep you for your answer because you make me feel even more positive about wanting to confide!

    this may sound silly but even confiding in him that I want to confide seems heavy.. it feels weird texting him that and it's also like I might be in this mindframe right now but who knows when the time comes.
    no problem you should definitely do it! what do you have to lose? all you will lose is the loneliness and the unhappiness that comes with supressing your thoughts/feelings. once you say them aloud and have someone to share with, it's definitely a step in helping you to feel better about your problems.

    i was exactly like you. until i was 17, i got a bf and it took me a year before i was able to talk to him on that personal level (tell him about my problems like my depression and other things id never told anyone).
    it's the hardest thing to do at first, he must have spent about an hour trying to prise me open. and it did take a while to feel comfortable about just telling him stuff without being prompted.

    but now i can open up to EVERYONE, almost whorerishly! i realised that keeping things to yourself just..didnt make sense. it was part of what was making me feel so bad... it's the most isolating thing you can do. once you realise the benefit of opening up to people, you will find it easier and easier and your friendships will be so much more meaningful and special your problems will be easier to deal with because you're sharing them with others, and just the feeling of someone giving a crap about you makes it worth it. im much much happier for it.

    sure ive had people who i confided in and now im not so close to. but its not hurt me in any way. even my ex-bf (the first people i opened up to)... i dont regret opening up to ANYONE because at the time it made me feel better and at the time they cared about me... and i guess its a part of life, being hurt or losing friends and whatnot... but then ive got friends who've always been there. and your guy friend sounds like he could be one of those guys.. especially cuz he's so determined to get you to open up! that's a really good sign

    and if you initially text him to say you want to open up and talk to him... then it will be hard for you to back out when you meet up and you're more likelyto just go for it and take the plunge.

    good luck OP, if you need to message anymore feel free!
 
 
 
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