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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Anon or Delete.

    A year ago me and my first real boyfriend split up after him deciding he didnt love me anymore. Around October I cut all contact with him; deleting of Facebook/removed from MSN etc. But to this day I still think of him and miss him...

    I am in a relationship with my current boyfriend who I care for very deeply and wouldn't change him for the world. But I feel so damn guilty for thinking about my ex after a year.
    I dont know what to do anymore..
    • #2
    #2

    First of all don't feel guilty- you can't help your feelings and your thoughts. you did the right thing cutting him out.

    i think your first ex will always stay with you in some way, whether for good or bad memories especially given the way it ended.
    i suggest spending lots of time with your current boyfriend, doing something new and exciting could help focus your mind elsewhere- throw yourself into something else and hopefully your ex will just fade away.

    *hug* i feel for you
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    You never get over people by staying out of contact with them. When the time is right (maybe now), go and talk to him again and pretty soon you could be at peace. Your rule that you musn't speak to him is part of what's making you obsess about the whole thing.
    • #3
    #3

    I was in the same situation. When I started a relationship with my current boyfriend, I still wasn't over my ex. It wasn't fair to him, and I shouldn't have done it, but over a year later I'm completely over my ex and happier then ever. It's not right to start a relationship when you're not over someone, but you have and what's done is done. Put as much effort into your current relationship as possible- if it works, then it's great, but if not, at least you did what was fair to him and know that it couldn't have worked regardless. Good luck!
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    i disagree! out of sight out of mind! im stuck wit my ex coz of mutual friends so i can never forget her
    • #4
    #4

    You could just chat to this guy. Facebook him to say hello and ask how he's been. You're with someone else, and if you make it clear you're not after a relationship or stalking him, he might be glad to talk to you.

    Enforced lack of contact turns a breakup into grief. It makes it feel like the other person is dead, rather than just not with you any more - especially if you don't have friends in common, so you're not hearing about him. That sudden, total loss is really devastating (in my experience), and it's no wonder you're not okay with it.

    However, it doesn't have to be that bad! Deal with it by talking to him, not pining.

    Plus, talking to him again might remind you that actually, he wasn't that great and he had his own problems. It might make you appreciate your current boyfriend more, or at the very least remind you that the ex is just human and not worth a year's worth of emotional distress.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You could just chat to this guy. Facebook him to say hello and ask how he's been. You're with someone else, and if you make it clear you're not after a relationship or stalking him, he might be glad to talk to you.
    .
    Thanks for all the replies,

    Anyway I have tried adding him back on facebook with a note just to see how he is but he just always rejects.
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    (Original post by ciawhobat)
    You never get over people by staying out of contact with them. When the time is right (maybe now), go and talk to him again and pretty soon you could be at peace. Your rule that you musn't speak to him is part of what's making you obsess about the whole thing.
    I agree totally with this ^^

    In the year you've avoided this guy you've probably built up some idealistic image of the perfect guy. If you talk to him again now you'll probably come to realise that he isn't all you've built him up to be.
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    (Original post by Svenjamin)
    I agree totally with this ^^

    In the year you've avoided this guy you've probably built up some idealistic image of the perfect guy. If you talk to him again now you'll probably come to realise that he isn't all you've built him up to be.
    120% this.
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    Im in the same boat. Split up in July over something stupid but i asked for her back in ocotber because we were on really good terms still but since then my life has been hell. Ive got a new girl now and she has been great but my ex was my first love and will always remain in my heart.

    I barely talk to her and we just end up falling out when we do talk but i still consider her to be a good person when i should despise her. Just to let you know, you are not alone. Do whatever you have to do. I wish i could forget her and i wish i was as strong as you to delete her out of my life but i just cant do that and its probably making it worse. I suppose i will probably also feel something for her. I mean i was totally heart broken to see her even talk about other guys but i know in the end it will help to see her with another guy and have all hope of a revival destroyed. Thats the thing that will get me over her
 
 
 
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