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    I've been with my boyfriend for a year. For the past 5 months it's been a LDR.

    He moved to a different city in his country with his best friend, I'm a student here. He had a job for a month, I went to visit him, then he quit his job because he ''didn't like being treated like ****''. So for the past 3 months he has had no job.

    I've had to do all the calling, even though he gives me ''one ring'' like 10 times a day to get me to call him back. He always says how much he loves me, is depressed, he misses me, writes me long 'romantic' emails, etc. But - because he has no money, I have to call him, and it costs me about 40 quid a week.

    He gets jealous and possessive, of guys on my course, my housemates, etc.

    He really wanted to come and see me at Xmas, I ended up paying for his flight and whilst he was here food, etc.

    Over Xmas, I saw Facebook pictures of him at a party with his ex, where she was holding his hand and kissing him (on the cheek). I got upset, and asked first of all why he never told me she was going to be there, and also....what the ****? He said it's only Facebook, he didn't tell me because he didn't want me to worry, and really nothing happened.

    In January, as you all know, we got our student loan. I went over and visited him for 3 weeks, during which he had NO money, and I essentially had to pay for everything. His best friend and flatmate got really jealous and annoyed that I was there for 3 weeks, even though I tried to keep a low profile, and so my boyfriend said it was probably for the best if I left a week early so that he could start looking for another job, and also so his friend wouldn't start stressing out.

    I felt a bit like it was taking the piss, but obviously left. Yesterday, I found out that my student loan has essentially gone. I have no money left whatsoever. Luckily I got my old part time job back, so should have at some point, but the fact is I spent the whole of it on me and him just being able to 'live', it's not like we were out shopping, partying or whatever.

    He is now blacklisted from the banks in his country, and his parents have had to send him 900 euro to give his landlord. They have said he has to move back home and work to pay them back the money they lent him. I guess I'm never going to see the money I indirectly lent him again.

    Now Valentines day is coming up, and my birthday a week after, and I just feel really down. Money and 'things' don't matter in theory, but I'm guessing I won't be getting a card/present/anything at all. I guess if I'm honest, I feel a bit bitter.

    In 3 months when I finish uni I'm supposed to be moving over there to 'start a life' with him, and I'm also supposed to go and visit (at his parents) in Easter.

    Sorry this is so long...I'm just wondering what other people make of this, how they would react. I love him and don't want to be a *****/put too much pressure on him, but at the same time, I don't want to be taken for a ride.
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    You can't keep going on like this, and the more money you keep spending on him... the more you'll regret it if you do split up. Tell him you don't have enough money to call/visit, he'll probably whine but it might kickstart him to get a job. As long as you keep giving him a free ride, he'll keep on taking. Also, DO NOT lend him money. I did that once, and I tried chasing him up when we split but he'd just get all moody about it... it was only £30 but it was still MY money. I never got it back.

    I don't wish to be offensive, but any man with self-respect would not allow himself to live off his girlfriend like this... and it's a cliché but if he can't respect himself, how can he respect you?
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    (Original post by elixira)
    You can't keep going on like this, and the more money you keep spending on him... the more you'll regret it if you do split up. Tell him you don't have enough money to call/visit, he'll probably whine but it might kickstart him to get a job. As long as you keep giving him a free ride, he'll keep on taking. Also, DO NOT lend him money. I did that once, and I tried chasing him up when we split but he'd just get all moody about it... it was only £30 but it was still MY money. I never got it back.

    I don't wish to be offensive, but any man with self-respect would not allow himself to live off his girlfriend like this... and it's a cliché but if he can't respect himself, how can he respect you?
    Thank-you so much for your reply, it's exactly what my sister said to me. She also said I needed to have more respect for myself. I guess the problem is I love him so much, that if I couldn't speak to him/see him I would be in so much pain...
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    Where does he live? That is important.
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    (Original post by TheRealDarthVader)
    Where does he live? That is important.
    France. Why?
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    You shouldn't really have to carry on like this. Your post indicates that he hasn't gone to alot of trouble/effort trying to find a job, if that is the case, then you should really consider your future with him.

    Sorry to sound a little harsh, but i would never allow my girlfriend to be spending so much money on me...there has to be a little more self-respect.

    Have a talk with him..try to get to the bottom of things ASAP for your own benefit.

    As for the contract...have you tried looking at sim-only-plans? They are usually better value for money
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    France. Why?


    If it was somewhere scummy like Scotland it wouldn't be worth it.



    Which part of France? Some parts are worth it.
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    So does that mean that you guys basically wouldn't bother with the relationship any more?
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    I understand the situation you are in, and it is a pickle indeed. My opinion from reading what you said is that he really doesn't appreciate you. At the end of the day a relationship is a two-way thing and what you wrote above seems just to be one way... his. I know it may be hard and upsetting but I do think the "right" thing to do is to talk to him about all this, and if it doesn't change unfortunately the inevitable has to happen...

    A few questions that may help you with what to do... When he had a job was he ringing you all the time? Was he spending time/money/effort in trying to see you?
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    He's using you, OP, leave him. He has no respect for you.
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    The only thing I can add to all this is: If you're gonna make international calls, use skype :P
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    (Original post by Seeks)
    I understand the situation you are in, and it is a pickle indeed. My opinion from reading what you said is that he really doesn't appreciate you. At the end of the day a relationship is a two-way thing and what you wrote above seems just to be one way... his. I know it may be hard and upsetting but I do think the "right" thing to do is to talk to him about all this, and if it doesn't change unfortunately the inevitable has to happen...

    A few questions that may help you with what to do... When he had a job was he ringing you all the time? Was he spending time/money/effort in trying to see you?
    When he had a job, he was taking money out of the till as well. And I said to him I didn't agree with what he was doing, but at least to make sure he kept some money from his wages to come over at Xmas. But somehow he didn't, which is why I had to end up paying for him to come over then.

    I feel so so sad.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    When he had a job, he was taking money out of the till as well. And I said to him I didn't agree with what he was doing, but at least to make sure he kept some money from his wages to come over at Xmas. But somehow he didn't, which is why I had to end up paying for him to come over then.

    I feel so so sad.
    Seems like you have a hard choice to make. LDRs are not easy and to make them work they require effort from both people, and at the moment it seems only you are putting it in. So my opinion is that you need to leave him... I know its hard, but he doesn't appreciate you.
 
 
 
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