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Gay TSR: How do you make your first move? (mature readers please) Watch

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    Hey TSR,

    This has always been effecting me. Ive never had a relationship yet. . I havent yet come to terms with my sexuality or told any friends/family, but i want to have a relationship so i can accept my sexuality before 'coming out' and finally be happy.

    Basically, i have always been extremely cautious going up to a guy i like the look of in a bar/club/uni. I think this stems back from growing up and not trusting any randomers.. I just dont have a clue what to say/do and just end up looking/admiring them as they just go on by..(frustrating!). I think dancing is probably my most confident thing i do (when drunk i add) because it needs no talking. I can never hear people talk in clubs and my voice is too quiet to be heard. Very frustrating.

    I guess my question is how do you know a guy is gay? When is the greenlight to make a move? I seem to be attracted to more 'straight-looking' men, but with this comes the dilemma: is he gay or straight? I really worry what would happen if i did dare to approach a guy in a club who wasnt gay. Have any straight TSR guys been chatted up by a gay guy before? What did you do?

    Be great to hear your stories on this.

    Cheers TSR.
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    I think you should try more homosexually concentrated areas such as bars etc.

    I am not gay, but it's just an idea.
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    I just go up to random guys and say "Fancy a bum?", it works sometimes.
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    Gay bars are your best bet. Regular bars nearly always only have straight men in them. I wouldn't recommend hitting on anyone in regular bars unless they made it 100% obvious they were gay
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    Why don't you try going to gay clubs and bars to make it easier
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    Unquantifiably unfunny.......
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    Thanks for the responses guys. I think you're right about going to a gay club/bar.

    Ive never been to one though, and just worry everyone will be all grabby/touchy. Dont get me wrong i wouldnt mind some of the attention, but i dont want to seem just selling myself. I am probably over thinking it..

    I dont have any gay friends to go with me though.. unless some of my straight friends would want to come. Hmm.
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    well the local club to me is now 'mixed' as they call it stupid label really as most clubs are!

    Yea clubs may be good but most likely bad ... unless you like people looking at you like a piece of meat.
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    (Original post by student x)
    Thanks for the responses guys. I think you're right about going to a gay club/bar.

    Ive never been to one though, and just worry everyone will be all grabby/touchy. Dont get me wrong i wouldnt mind some of the attention, but i dont want to seem just selling myself. I am probably over thinking it..

    I dont have any gay friends to go with me though.. unless some of my straight friends would want to come. Hmm.
    They're not that bad, tbh. Some are very trashy meat markets, but most are just like normal bars/clubs that just play a bit more "Weather Girls" and "Village People" than your average midnight haunt.

    Pro-tip: take a couple of female friends with you. They'll love it.
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    Go to a homosexually oriented space such as a bar, and just talk to people. You don't physically have to make a move on people. Just say hello at the bar if someone looks as though they're on their own or in a small group, and take it from there.

    I met my bf in a night club of all places, and we are still together a year and a half on My parents even invited him to my house for xmas day.

    Also, people in most bars aren't overly grabby/touchy. When I go out people behave quite respectably, apart from if they happen to hit it off...
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    gay bar is deffo the best option, so you can be more confident and come to terms with whether if its really you
    as of no gay friends, ask a girl mate that you trust. because I really want to go to a gay bar, just for the sake of looking at men who groom themselves properly, because often, gay men are hot! plus, I personally have always wanted a gay best friend, so try and talk to a close girl mate

    and if all fails, go alone. what could possibly be that bad? no one knows you there so even if you do make a fool of yourself from doing something, you can just shrug it off! plus going alone means you'll have to conversate with people you don't know
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    #1

    Chatting up straight boys: I kissed the guy I've fancied for ages (maybe two and a half years now) at a friend's house-party. Totally didn't expect him to be getting texts from his girlfriend when I found him upstairs later.

    Man, that was a let-down and a half. But he was really nice about it.

    Oh, and before that, I walked in on one of my best friends snogging-the-face-off a different guy I liked. After I'd told her I liked him. I stormed off dramatically, the guy followed and I turned around and tried to sock him. Cept, y'know, I missed.

    And again, after I apologised he was OK with it, too. We're kind-of friends now.

    Student x: You just have to risk it sometimes I think... Though there is that crowd of gay guys who are effeminate to hell. Personally, they annoy the **** out of me, but hey, whatever floats your boat?

    (PS: If you like fighting, exercise, beer and football, and are interested in like-minded individual....)
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    Thanks for the responses everyone. Very helpful
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    (Original post by student x)
    Hey TSR,

    This has always been effecting me. Ive never had a relationship yet. . I havent yet come to terms with my sexuality or told any friends/family, but i want to have a relationship so i can accept my sexuality before 'coming out' and finally be happy.

    Basically, i have always been extremely cautious going up to a guy i like the look of in a bar/club/uni. I think this stems back from growing up and not trusting any randomers.. I just dont have a clue what to say/do and just end up looking/admiring them as they just go on by..(frustrating!). I think dancing is probably my most confident thing i do (when drunk i add) because it needs no talking. I can never hear people talk in clubs and my voice is too quiet to be heard. Very frustrating.

    I guess my question is how do you know a guy is gay? When is the greenlight to make a move? I seem to be attracted to more 'straight-looking' men, but with this comes the dilemma: is he gay or straight? I really worry what would happen if i did dare to approach a guy in a club who wasnt gay. Have any straight TSR guys been chatted up by a gay guy before? What did you do?

    Be great to hear your stories on this.

    Cheers TSR.
    I know how you feel, sometimes it's obvious to see that the guy is gay or straight, sometimes you actually have no clues. It's not like they act as a queer or not, I think it's just something people call 'gaydar'. I'm not good at it though, it failed once in the past long time ago so I would never trust my gaydar again .

    Going to a gay bar would be a good idea to start I think. But clubs are definitely not the best places to find a relationship imo. From my experiences, make a lot of eyes contacts (don't ask me how, I'm crap at it lmao), if the guy catches your eyes and he is interested in you, he would either smile/wink or something similar. You then get the picture and things will be easy I think . At least it was how I met mine lmao.

    Take the risk, you might be wrong and it would be a bit embarrassing I know, but at the end of the day, you will never see the guy again anyway ... you know what I mean :p:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Chatting up straight boys: I kissed the guy I've fancied for ages (maybe two and a half years now) at a friend's house-party. Totally didn't expect him to be getting texts from his girlfriend when I found him upstairs later.

    Man, that was a let-down and a half. But he was really nice about it.



    (PS: If you like fighting, exercise, beer and football, and are interested in like-minded individual....)
    I'm sure he was really nice about it - he would hardly want to piss you off in case you told his girlfriend.

    It may be hard for him to PM if he was interested given you had posted anonymously. :p:
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    yummm
    fighting exercise beer and football
    yumyum
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    You don't say how old you are, OP, but if you're at uni/planning to go in the future, most places have a (usually pretty large and active) LGBT society, which is a good way to meet people without having to go to bars and clubs if that's not really your kind of thing.

    And just in general at university, and in most workplaces as well, people are way more open about their sexuality than they are at school. In my year of 70-ish people I can think of at least 5 who I know for sure are gay or bi, then there's all the people in 2nd year, all the people I know from halls, people I know at work and my friends' friends, etc etc.

    If you need someone to go to gay clubs with you, take some female friends, us girls love gay bars :p:
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    Gay clubs is definitely the way forward, however get yourself membership to the proper clubs, not the gay clubs that straight people go to for a night out.

    Was at gay village last week (canal street) and it was like 80% straight, quite annoying really :/

    LGBT is definitely a good idea also
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    My advice is to generally avoid making a move on a guy who isn't obviously gay. Yes you can ask around to see if he's gay but it's mentally exhausting to chase something you very seriously might not get.

    The way to find a guy is to get yourself out there... let guys know you 'exist', so to speak, and start going to gay bars and clubs more often. That way whichever guy you see while you're out (or who approaches you) will most definitely be gay, and you've already gone over the first hurdle of finding out if they're into the same thing.

    The other way to do it is to avoid the scene and hope you get lucky in meeting another gay through a society or mutual friends. I've seen it work with a few guys before, but I'd say it's easier to go out at least a few times, meet lots of guys, and if one of them takes your fancy you can make a move!
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    I go to my local Pulse every now and then in small groups. Usually one of the group is gay/bi but that's not really why we go, it's a nice atmosphere and their club is pretty decent music-wise. I've been chatted up once or twice but I definitely wouldn't describe anyone in there as predatory or anything like that. And there will still be straight men (like me) in there, but to be honest they'd be pretty foolish to think that they weren't going to be presumed as gay; they're in a gay bar!
 
 
 
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