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    I've been with my boyfriend 5 years now, mostly spent long distance at different unis, and even in different countries last year (year abroad). Recently I've been doubting my feelings for him.

    We went through a big rough patch last year because of my doubts and nearly split up, but after I returned from abroad we lived together over the summer and I decided I was happier with him than without him. He's the perfect boyfriend, unusually perfect in fact and everyone says if i split up with him I'd regret it as I'd never find anyone like him again.

    We just spent valentines together, and he clearly loves me very much but I'm worried that I don't feel the same way about him. I feel nothing when we kiss (he's a very bad kisser, nothing I suggest seems to change this) and I very rarely get turned on by him physically.

    Have I really fallen out of love with him, or am I just bored? If so should I stay with him anyway, because I'll certainly never find anyone as good as him again. I don't want to hurt him because I care a lot about him, but I don't want to split up with him if there's a chance this could be saved. Could a relationship still work even if I'm not madly im love with him?
    Any thoughts?
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    How can it be a perfect guy if he's a bad kisser and not very sexy? Isn't that a quite vital part of a relationship - especially being very attracted to each other?

    I discovered that leaving relationships is actually usually a good thing. You will for sure find someone else who will be more interesting.

    And 5 years when you're young is a lot. You're bound to change and develop in different directions.
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    (Original post by synvilla)
    How can it be a perfect guy if he's a bad kisser and not very sexy? Isn't that a quite vital part of a relationship - especially being very attracted to each other?

    I discovered that leaving relationships is actually usually a good thing. You will for sure find someone else who will be more interesting.

    And 5 years when you're young is a lot. You're bound to change and develop in different directions.
    He treats me very well, and is the perfect partner apart from these things. There are a lot of unpleasant men around who cheat, lie etc. and I've found myself a genuinely decent guy. I'd be stupid to throw that away, surely? Women spend their lives looking for men like this and I found him on my first relationship. I may find someone interesting but they often end up being an ******** because they know they can have any girl they want. After 5 years isnt it natural for things to cool down? I think I'd rather be with someone who treats me well even if there's less lust.
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    I was together with the perfect guy for several years. Really, we were really good together and he is an amazing guy. But I simply felt I didn't love him as much as I used to and I was a bit bored... That was the only problem in our relationship...

    But I could never settle. Could never handle being in a relationship that isn't all that I want it to be. Since I broke up with my boyfriend, I've been going out clubbing, meeting guys and just being very casual and I've enjoyed myself sooo much. I have been feeling free and happy. and now in the end of December I met someone new and we've been dating since then and it's going great... and I love when everything is new. it's truly lovely. And now he is a lot of what I haven't had. I like that.

    There will always be tons of guys out there. There's always people wanting to be with you. You just have to get out there. And no, I think it's very cynical to think that most guys lie and cheat. That's not true... most guys are good guys. At least if you look for them in the right place!

    And security isn't everything. You're still young! passion over security!
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    Hmmm it depends.... yes it is normal for it to happen - but say like the person above me - can you deal with it? Some people are happy to stay with someone if they get on well, and the sex is good even if that sorta spark is gone.... whereas some can't... work it out
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    Maybe it's just a really weird rough patch. I went through this, where I really wasn't enticed or turned on in the relationship (granted it wasn't as long as yours), but after a couple of months it all sorted itself out. I really think you've got to wait a bit longer, especially seeing as you don't want to just throw 5 years of your life away like that. Give it a few months.
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    (Original post by maxfire)
    Maybe it's just a really weird rough patch. I went through this, where I really wasn't enticed or turned on in the relationship (granted it wasn't as long as yours), but after a couple of months it all sorted itself out. I really think you've got to wait a bit longer, especially seeing as you don't want to just throw 5 years of your life away like that. Give it a few months.
    I have a meatcleaver a lot like the guy in your sig. I however, know how to use it!

    heh
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    (Original post by noisette1)
    I've been with my boyfriend 5 years now, mostly spent long distance at different unis, and even in different countries last year (year abroad). Recently I've been doubting my feelings for him.

    We went through a big rough patch last year because of my doubts and nearly split up, but after I returned from abroad we lived together over the summer and I decided I was happier with him than without him. He's the perfect boyfriend, unusually perfect in fact and everyone says if i split up with him I'd regret it as I'd never find anyone like him again.

    We just spent valentines together, and he clearly loves me very much but I'm worried that I don't feel the same way about him. I feel nothing when we kiss (he's a very bad kisser, nothing I suggest seems to change this) and I very rarely get turned on by him physically.

    Have I really fallen out of love with him, or am I just bored? If so should I stay with him anyway, because I'll certainly never find anyone as good as him again. I don't want to hurt him because I care a lot about him, but I don't want to split up with him if there's a chance this could be saved. Could a relationship still work even if I'm not madly im love with him?
    Any thoughts?
    your just settleing for safe life its not fair on him or you

    you should be with someone who excites you and makes you feel crazy and stuff and he should have someone feel the same way about him too,

    dont just stay because its easy i think you already know in your heart what you want to do

    good luck
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    (Original post by rainbowbex)
    I have a meatcleaver a lot like the guy in your sig. I however, know how to use it!

    heh
    I'm so turned on right now.
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    (Original post by maxfire)
    I'm so turned on right now.
    heh, awesome
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    I could never be with someone I wasn't attracted to. If you're not turned on by him then what's the point? There's going to be others like him. He isn't the only "perfect" nice guy is the world. It's probably more difficult to break up with him because you've been together for a long time, but the longer you leave it the more difficult it will get to break up with him and the worse he will feel when you do.
    If you're not attracted to him now, imagine what it will be like in the future when you start to see each others flaws!
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    Dont break his heart. Take a break. From experience, let me tell you a break from someone you think you dont love will make you realise that they mean the world to you
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    Yeah I agree with taking a break first -which means no contact! And see how you feel then. . .
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    I don't get why breaking up with someone would be "throwing away several years." You're in a relationship because it's what you want now, not because of some future investment.
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    A break sounds like a good idea. Perhaps it will give me the shake up I deserve and make me appreciate what I have.

    How do I ask him for a break without breaking up though? I can't just say I don't want to talk to him and not explain why. Surely it's not as harsh as saying 'I don't fancy you anymore?'

    Arguably we live separate lives three weeks out of every four, so maybe I won't even particularly notice the break.

    I may be young but I don't think I'd get much fun out of being single, I'd just be lonely. I've got what some people spend their whole lives searching for and ultimately I know he can make me happy, if not excited.
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    From my experience, I would like to suggest you not to break up. But maybe take a break. Because 5 YEARS of relationship is a lot. Its rare for a guy to stay that long for a relationship (at least from what I've been through.) But think about taking a break as well, because when you're on break, he might actually see someone else?? or he might realize that he can live without you where you feel the opposite. The point is you might lose him during the break. I did, with my ex. So think about it. This happens often in any sort of long relationship but that doesn't mean you've grown out of love. It might just be for a moment. He might feel the same way too but deep down, you guys would really love each other.
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    (Original post by synvilla)
    How can it be a perfect guy if he's a bad kisser and not very sexy? Isn't that a quite vital part of a relationship - especially being very attracted to each other?

    I discovered that leaving relationships is actually usually a good thing. You will for sure find someone else who will be more interesting.
    How can you be sure that she is going to find somebody more interesting?! :cool: Maybe if she breaks up with him she will never find somebody as good as him. More interesting for the beginning maybe, when everything is still new and sex is hot. But the honeymoon will be over after few months. At that time she may wish if she was still with the first boyfriend but it will be too late .

    And if he's a bad kisser as you say, then why don't you be kind to teach him what you like. If you were him, and he said to you that he's going to leave you because you are a bad kisser, how would you feel??!! :cool:
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    (Original post by synvilla)

    But I could never settle. Could never handle being in a relationship that isn't all that I want it to be. Since I broke up with my boyfriend, I've been going out clubbing, meeting guys and just being very casual and I've enjoyed myself sooo much. I have been feeling free and happy. and now in the end of December I met someone new and we've been dating since then and it's going great... and I love when everything is new. it's truly lovely. And now he is a lot of what I haven't had. I like that.

    And security isn't everything. You're still young! passion over security!
    But how long will you keep enjoying these free relations and casual sex?!
    The thread starter has been with her boyfriend for 5 years, which means she's a type of girls who enjoy being in a relation and not just sleeping around with a new guy every month.

    I would advice to work on your relation and think carefully before you break up. Thinking that there will be many guys much better then him out there is like buying fish in the sea...:shoot:
    Good luck
    :boxing:
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    (Original post by alijimi)
    But how long will you keep enjoying these free relations and casual sex?!
    The thread starter has been with her boyfriend for 5 years, which means she's a type of girls who enjoy being in a relation and not just sleeping around with a new guy every month.

    I would advice to work on your relation and think carefully before you break up. Thinking that there will be many guys much better then him out there is like buying fish in the sea...:shoot:
    Good luck
    :boxing:
    Well I also said I only did so for a short while before finding a new boyfriend. But I did enjoy those few months of being single.
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    (Original post by noisette1)
    He treats me very well, and is the perfect partner apart from these things. There are a lot of unpleasant men around who cheat, lie etc. and I've found myself a genuinely decent guy. I'd be stupid to throw that away, surely? Women spend their lives looking for men like this and I found him on my first relationship. I may find someone interesting but they often end up being an ******** because they know they can have any girl they want. After 5 years isnt it natural for things to cool down? I think I'd rather be with someone who treats me well even if there's less lust.
    I'm in a kind of similar situation. I'm not attracted to his body and the sex is nothing like I used to have. But it's my first relationship and i'm head over heels its just I wonder whether I should get out of it for the sake of better sex/lust. However he is PERFECT in every other way in every other area imaginable so I'm certain I will never find someone else like him. NO ONE can tell me what to do as all this clashing advice confuses me so much.

    Love naturally fades over time...but passion should die down into commitment. If you're not committed then maybe your love isn't deeper in it's new form and rather and has gone altogether?
 
 
 
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