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I don't know if I'm being over sensitive about petty things.. watch

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    Keep anon please.

    I'm really good mates with this guy but sometimes his comments / actions just get to me a tad. I always let them slide because acting annoyed would just bring negativity into the friendship and make it unpleasant. At the same time, I don't know how to feel because at the moment I feel like I have to suppress myself sometimes for the sake of keeping it all hunky dory. It's not that I don't like him or care about him.. it's just after a while I dwell on things and think 'why am I the one that's always letting my feelings slide?'

    For example, sometimes I talk a lot and he'll jokingly say "ssh, you talk too much" and then I'll be like "okay, I won't talk but you'll get bored".. and then if for 5 minutes I'm silent, he'll start pestering me to talk again and I'll give in soon enough. So the first few times, he did that it's okay and I can take a joke but after that, when he tells me to "be quiet" even as a joke, I can't help but want to tell him its a bit disrespectful but I know if I bring it up it'll just seem really petty and trivial. I could bring it up if I really wanted to but I feel that'll just make him want to reduce the banter in the friendship and make it more formalised or something.. which isn't exactly what I want.

    I guess, my point is, I'm so careful as to not upset him so even if I'm joking and I think that my words can hurt him or whatever, I quickly change the subject or make sure he's not offended / clarify it's only a joke. I actively think about his feelings and it just doesn't feel like he does the same. Now thinking about it, I feel like I am being petty. But I don't know. I'm confused. Any input?
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    bumpity bumpppp.
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    he's just kidding. If he jokingly tells you to shut up, chances are he doesn't actually want you too. Just joke back in the same way, nothing too personal or harsh, but of course the banter's no fun if you're not answering back in kind.

    Also, this made me realise that the banter i have with a mate is a little too harsh at times and she's probably too proud/ worried about my feelings to let me know if it's so. Damn. :o:

    see what you wrote in this post? Just tell him exactly that, as sincerely and earnestly as possible. It sounds like you two are good friends so he'll understand.
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    (Original post by saab_101)
    he's just kidding. If he jokingly tells you to shut up, chances are he doesn't actually want you too. Just joke back in the same way, nothing too personal or harsh, but of course the banter's no fun if you're not answering back in kind.

    Also, this made me realise that the banter i have with a mate is a little too harsh at times and she's probably too proud/ worried about my feelings to let me know if it's so. Damn. :o:

    see what you wrote in this post? Just tell him exactly that, as sincerely and earnestly as possible. It sounds like you two are good friends so he'll understand.
    Just feel like I go out of my way to give him the benefit of the doubt sometimes really. And it's like I don't know if he'd do the same for me. It's not just the example I gave. It's a number of these little things that would just be soooo petty to bring up but obviously they seem to be having some sort of an impact. Argh. I know I'm being stupid as well.
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    Next time he does it, call him out on it. You’re obviously troubled and upset by it so why try to repress your feelings? If he’s a good friend he’ll take your feelings on the matter into account, but first you tell him how it upsets you!

    Personally, I don’t blame you for being upset. Sometimes men’s ‘banter’ borders on plain cattiness and rudeness, it’s just seen as more socially acceptable because it’s masqued under the guise of supposed ‘humour.’

    I had a mate like that. He would secretly insult you but say it in a light hearted tone to confuse you. It just led to continual self-doubt on my part; I kept questioning my own sense of rationality and capacity to ‘take a joke.’ Then again he was really NASTY and wanted to hurt me. I would go so far as to say it was emotional abuse. This isn’t to say that your mate is an emotional abuser though! I was just giving an example of the extreme. He may simply be completely oblivious to how he makes you feel.

    For your own peace of mind call him out on it!
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    It's called teasing.
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    (Original post by saab_101)
    Just tell him exactly that, as sincerely and earnestly as possible. It sounds like you two are good friends so he'll understand.
    just from an outside angle... if one of my mates came to me and started assessing our relationship and talking about feelings and how jokes are interpreted, id think... "wow, what a massive ******".
    especially if they came out with **** like "telling me to be quiet is disrespectful"
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    tell him..or else it may continue
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    He is probably just joking but if it hurts you just tell him, you have nothing to lose
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Next time he does it, call him out on it. You’re obviously troubled and upset by it so why try to repress your feelings? If he’s a good friend he’ll take your feelings on the matter into account, but first you tell him how it upsets you!

    Personally, I don’t blame you for being upset. Sometimes men’s ‘banter’ borders on plain cattiness and rudeness, it’s just seen as more socially acceptable because it’s masqued under the guise of supposed ‘humour.’

    I had a mate like that. He would secretly insult you but say it in a light hearted tone to confuse you. It just led to continual self-doubt on my part; I kept questioning my own sense of rationality and capacity to ‘take a joke.’ Then again he was really NASTY and wanted to hurt me. I would go so far as to say it was emotional abuse. This isn’t to say that your mate is an emotional abuser though! I was just giving an example of the extreme. He may simply be completely oblivious to how he makes you feel.

    For your own peace of mind call him out on it!
    couldn't have put it better in words myself!! that is exactly how I feel. Instead of trying to blame him, I'm always assuming I'm in the wrong for feeling like this in the first place. Argh.
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    (Original post by DJ AgnieszkaA)
    just from an outside angle... if one of my mates came to me and started assessing our relationship and talking about feelings and how jokes are interpreted, id think... "wow, what a massive ******".
    especially if they came out with **** like "telling me to be quiet is disrespectful"
    This is why I can't tell if me being a girl affects this at all. :\

    And I wouldn't bring it up like that :p: "let's assess our relationship and talk about our feelings" >> shudder ! lol
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    It sounds like he's trying to engage in a bit of banter and ball busting, but hasn't quite got the hang of it. He keeps doing it because he's trying to draw something, anything, out of you. If you talk a lot and he says something like 'tsk, you don't half talk alot, don't you!', don't say 'oh, okay then' and sit silently for the next five minutes.

    Stop being so namby pamby with him. Friends shouldn't have to consider each other's feelings to the point where you're scared to joke around with him for fear of offending. He's not a work colleague or a client at your job. He's your friend. Loosen up.

    And to directly answer the thread title - yes, you're being overly sensitive.
 
 
 
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