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    #1

    AGH! He said he wants to see me tomorrow but won't tell me what it's about over email - saying he can only discuss it in person...

    I don't know whether I should even go or not - tbh, it could just be about work, but I'm just not sure - something doesn't seem right. Help, anyone?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    AGH! He said he wants to see me tomorrow but won't tell me what it's about over email - saying he can only discuss it in person...

    I don't know whether I should even go or not - tbh, it could just be about work, but I'm just not sure - something doesn't seem right. Help, anyone?
    I think you should go, because you can't avoid him forever so if he wants to say something to you you can only put it off

    Be prepared for anything. He might make a massive speech about how he loves his wife and it was just a lustful moment of weakness and that you should never ever tell anyone, or he might try something on you again. You just don't know.

    Maybe you should take the opportunity to tell him where you stand.

    It's not like he's going to force himself on you or anything, I mean that's pretty unlikely.
    • #1
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    #1

    (Original post by O-Ren)
    I think you should go, because you can't avoid him forever so if he wants to say something to you you can only put it off

    Be prepared for anything. He might make a massive speech about how he loves his wife and it was just a lustful moment of weakness and that you should never ever tell anyone, or he might try something on you again. You just don't know.

    Maybe you should take the opportunity to tell him where you stand.

    It's not like he's going to force himself on you or anything, I mean that's pretty unlikely.
    You're right in that I can't avoid him - I have a lecture with him tomorrow anyway and he wants to see me straight after so I can't exactly just walk out on him.

    Right, I'll go see him. Maybe it's just something to do with next year's choices anyway. Or something along those lines.

    Sorry - moment of blind panic at receiving that email - but thank you for your advice
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You're right in that I can't avoid him - I have a lecture with him tomorrow anyway and he wants to see me straight after so I can't exactly just walk out on him.

    Right, I'll go see him. Maybe it's just something to do with next year's choices anyway. Or something along those lines.

    Sorry - moment of blind panic at receiving that email - but thank you for your advice
    Good luck

    Don't do anything silly
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    AGH! He said he wants to see me tomorrow but won't tell me what it's about over email - saying he can only discuss it in person...

    I don't know whether I should even go or not - tbh, it could just be about work, but I'm just not sure - something doesn't seem right. Help, anyone?
    hey yeah just go see him,hopefully it should be something good
    let me know what happens
    dont be scared it'll be fine
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think the situation for the two of you (anon1 and anon3 is totally different). Anon3 your guy is just an impersonal lecturer. He gives a lecture to 200 people and then walks out, answers a few questions. Realistically even if a lecturer really liked you here it's just too impersonal a basis for starting up convo beyond work. I've had a couple of lecturers in the theatre never take their eyes off me. but there's no 'sane' way to break the ice when you only see him in big lectures. He could fancy the pants off you, and it sounds like he probably does, but there needs to be a more personal setting...

    i.e a a lab, a seminar, a tutor... The lecturers who had chance to say they're interested supervise me with lab classes and the other is my personal tutor. You need a more personal setting like Anon1 had/ has.

    You do hear of girls who 'stay behind after class' in the movies mostly lol, but in real life I think you need a lotta confidence. Flirting outrageously, while non- obviously (because of other students there) and being 'normal'. Saying you're angry he's not teaching next semester is likely to petrify him. You need a better 'saner 'ground to approach, or a lot of confidence and ability to work any situation.

    Best way to go is email him after you graduate with a pic. On the off chance he did really like you! Or find out if he's got an open facebook profile (a couple of my lecturers do), find out what bars they go to. Go to more upmarket bars and restaurants. See if he's there.. if it's a small town, he might be... Then it's easily done and others have met lecturers this way. At least go to more upmarket bars cos if he's not there then equally eligible older men will be.

    Asking him out on a date in the lecture theatre would require balls, because other students would be there, you'd have to just be bold and slip him a number very randomly. I think this is probably only done in movies, where the student leaves him an apple! I know it can be so tempting though when there's obviously something there, like every bit of them is leading you on but you can't

    ps. also just to echo important advice from anon6. A lecturer has to make most of the moves. If he's interested but not strongly coming on, then he's got his job in mind before anything else and won't budge - even though they might strongly like a student. If you think you've got nothing to lose then keep making crazy moves after lecture, especially as he apparently dates students!
    lol thanks for that, yeah its tough, do you actually really think that he likes me after reading the stuff that ive written about it?be honest cause im starting to think that he doesnt and that he justthinks that i am a student that has a crush on him, as i think tht he has sussed out that i like him, how embarassing
    ive got an essay to hand in, and i could write my number on that but that could be like so embarassing lol i bet hes probably already expecting that lol i hope not. what you think?
    but yeah i dont think leaving my number on it is a good idea as could be extremely awkward even if he does phone
    i do have like labs//tutorials but
    his work colleagues are always around during them so he does not talk about other stuff and just keeps it strictly on a work basis,
    hes so nice but yeah, like alot of people are saying i should wait until i finish uni but thats like ages away i dont want to wait that long,
    and do you think ive made any crazy moves?all ive done is stayed behind and ask him a few stupid qs but im gonna stop now as i just look stupid, and how embarassing about the other day, when i realized i was like daydreaming whilst looking at him
    i think he knows, do youthink he knows?
    i should probs just calm things down a bit?as could get bad if i do anything bold
    your right about he confidence part, the thing is im like SO shy around him

    sorry i poseted this twice btw imkinda new to here, and wasnt sure if got quoted properly 1st time
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    I read everything I needed to read on the first page: He is married. Stay away, for goodness sake.
    • #3
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    (Original post by bunthulhu)
    I read everything I needed to read on the first page: He is married. Stay away, for goodness sake.
    he made a move on her, not her on him
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    he made a move on her, not her on him
    So? That has no bearing on what I said.
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    (Original post by bunthulhu)
    I read everything I needed to read on the first page: He is married. Stay away, for goodness sake.
    Completely agree with this. Married = No. Simple.
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    See the scenario through. This situation has been tried and tested in porn for years. In the end it all cums through ok.
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    (Original post by Rock and Coal)
    See the scenario through. This situation has been tried and tested in porn for years. In the end it all cums through ok.
    lolllllll
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    lol thanks for that, yeah its tough, do you actually really think that he likes me after reading the stuff that ive written about it?be honest cause im starting to think that he doesnt and that he justthinks that i am a student that has a crush on him, as i think tht he has sussed out that i like him, how embarassing
    ive got an essay to hand in, and i could write my number on that but that could be like so embarassing lol i bet hes probably already expecting that lol i hope not. what you think?
    but yeah i dont think leaving my number on it is a good idea as could be extremely awkward even if he does phone
    i do have like labs//tutorials but
    his work colleagues are always around during them so he does not talk about other stuff and just keeps it strictly on a work basis,
    hes so nice but yeah, like alot of people are saying i should wait until i finish uni but thats like ages away i dont want to wait that long,
    and do you think ive made any crazy moves?all ive done is stayed behind and ask him a few stupid qs but im gonna stop now as i just look stupid, and how embarassing about the other day, when i realized i was like daydreaming whilst looking at him
    i think he knows, do youthink he knows?
    i should probs just calm things down a bit?as could get bad if i do anything bold
    your right about he confidence part, the thing is im like SO shy around him

    sorry i poseted this twice btw imkinda new to here, and wasnt sure if got quoted properly 1st time
    Are you the same person who made a thread on how to get your lecturer?:p:
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You're right in that I can't avoid him - I have a lecture with him tomorrow anyway and he wants to see me straight after so I can't exactly just walk out on him.

    Right, I'll go see him. Maybe it's just something to do with next year's choices anyway. Or something along those lines.

    Sorry - moment of blind panic at receiving that email - but thank you for your advice
    soooo, what happened ????
    • #1
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    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    soooo, what happened ????
    He said he's never been so confused about how he feels. He knows that he definitely loves his wife and would never want to intentionally hurt her but he just can't explain why his wife didn't even come to mind when he kissed me, until after I'd left his office. He doesn't want to let go of what he has with his wife but he doesn't want to let go of what he could have with me. So I told him to stay with his wife because it's her that he loves and that the situation would be different if he wasn't married. I told him not to risk anything unless he knows it's absolutely worth it but I hope that we can remain friends as that's one thing I'm not willing to lose.

    He looked so sad though, almost like he was about to cry

    It's probably best that I don't see him unless absolutely urgent - for now at least. He's just left me feeling even more confused than before, and I just don't know what to do
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He said he's never been so confused about how he feels. He knows that he definitely loves his wife and would never want to intentionally hurt her but he just can't explain why his wife didn't even come to mind when he kissed me, until after I'd left his office. He doesn't want to let go of what he has with his wife but he doesn't want to let go of what he could have with me. So I told him to stay with his wife because it's her that he loves and that the situation would be different if he wasn't married. I told him not to risk anything unless he knows it's absolutely worth it but I hope that we can remain friends as that's one thing I'm not willing to lose.

    He looked so sad though, almost like he was about to cry

    It's probably best that I don't see him unless absolutely urgent - for now at least. He's just left me feeling even more confused than before, and I just don't know what to do
    Congratulations on being such a great person

    You did completely the right thing. Just leave it now, the ball is in his court. You've told him where you stand. It's done.

    He now has to work out what kind of love he has with his wife. Whether it's just friend love and not the real thing anymore, or whether he does love his wife he just has an animal lust for you. To be honest it sounds like the former, and I think you know it too, but you have to let him realise it for himself.

    Edit: don't wait around though. He may never realise. Or it might take him a very long time to realise. So you should try and move on as best you can - if you can. Throw youself into uni life and enjoy yourself. Don't let this take over.
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He said he's never been so confused about how he feels. He knows that he definitely loves his wife and would never want to intentionally hurt her but he just can't explain why his wife didn't even come to mind when he kissed me, until after I'd left his office. He doesn't want to let go of what he has with his wife but he doesn't want to let go of what he could have with me. So I told him to stay with his wife because it's her that he loves and that the situation would be different if he wasn't married. I told him not to risk anything unless he knows it's absolutely worth it but I hope that we can remain friends as that's one thing I'm not willing to lose.

    He looked so sad though, almost like he was about to cry

    It's probably best that I don't see him unless absolutely urgent - for now at least. He's just left me feeling even more confused than before, and I just don't know what to do
    wow u were brave, thats good what you ssaid as he basically wants to stay married and have a fling with you, you gogirl for sticking up for yoursef and not agreeing to it
    how r u feeling?r u kinda sad or u ok?
    u deff said the right stuff well done im proud of you
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    wow u were brave, thats good what you ssaid as he basically wants to stay married and have a fling with you, you gogirl for sticking up for yoursef and not agreeing to it
    how r u feeling?r u kinda sad or u ok?
    u deff said the right stuff well done im proud of you
    That is completely not what he said!
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by O-Ren)
    That is completely not what he said!
    yeah but it what he meant cause he said he doesnt wanna let go of his wife and he doesnt wanna let go of what he can have with OP so he wants to like see them both
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    yeah but it what he meant cause he said he doesnt wanna let go of his wife and he doesnt wanna let go of what he can have with OP so he wants to like see them both
    I think what he meant is that he hates the idea of letting go of the life he has built with his wife. They have such a history together - and KIDS - and obviously they were in love once and he has all those memories. He probably dreamed of being with her forever, completely in love, until old age. Of course he's not happy about letting it all go, and hurting his wife and kids. But OP has come along and he's developed an infatuation - maybe more - with her, and naturally he longs to have her.

    The impression I got was not that he wanted them both at the same time, but that he is emotionally attached to both hence he doesn't know what to do.

    Of course what he should do is leave his wife because the life he wished to have with her is almost certainly not going to happen, but hey, I say this from my impression of the situation from the thread. Who knows. Maybe I'm wrong and he does love her and he's just not getting any so wants to stick it in OP. Doesn't sound like it though from his behaviour.
 
 
 
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