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    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by O-Ren)
    I think what he meant is that he hates the idea of letting go of the life he has built with his wife. They have such a history together - and KIDS - and obviously they were in love once and he has all those memories. He probably dreamed of being with her forever, completely in love, until old age. Of course he's not happy about letting it all go, and hurting his wife and kids. But OP has come along and he's developed an infatuation - maybe more - with her, and naturally he longs to have her.

    The impression I got was not that he wanted them both at the same time, but that he is emotionally attached to both hence he doesn't know what to do.

    Of course what he should do is leave his wife because the life he wished to have with her is almost certainly not going to happen, but hey, I say this from my impression of the situation from the thread. Who knows. Maybe I'm wrong and he does love her and he's just not getting any so wants to stick it in OP. Doesn't sound like it though from his behaviour.
    yeah maybe as OP did say that he looked like he was going to cry
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by O-Ren)
    Congratulations on being such a great person

    You did completely the right thing. Just leave it now, the ball is in his court. You've told him where you stand. It's done.

    He now has to work out what kind of love he has with his wife. Whether it's just friend love and not the real thing anymore, or whether he does love his wife he just has an animal lust for you. To be honest it sounds like the former, and I think you know it too, but you have to let him realise it for himself.

    Edit: don't wait around though. He may never realise. Or it might take him a very long time to realise. So you should try and move on as best you can - if you can. Throw youself into uni life and enjoy yourself. Don't let this take over.
    Thank you for being so supportive

    I don't want to wait for him forever and I can see that there is a greater chance of him staying with his wife regardless of what he may feel. I just hope he'll let me know whatever he decides to do - call it closure if you will (well, depending on his decision).

    It'll probably take a little getting used to what might never be but the main thing is that my education doesn't suffer at the very least. So far, I've managed to keep focused on my degree and hopefully I can focus my energy on getting a good degree as opposed to just on him.

    It's just harder to move on now I know that he's been wondering 'what if?' - I can't keep helping thinking the same thing.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    wow u were brave, thats good what you ssaid as he basically wants to stay married and have a fling with you, you gogirl for sticking up for yoursef and not agreeing to it
    how r u feeling?r u kinda sad or u ok?
    u deff said the right stuff well done im proud of you
    Thank you
    I'm still a bit confused - just don't know what I'm feeling at the moment but I'll be ok
    I've told him where I stand, now it's upto him what he decides and I've got to stay prepared whatever he decides.
    I suppose now would probably be a good time to focus on my assignments instead :p:
    • #8
    #8

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    lol thanks for that, yeah its tough, do you actually really think that he likes me after reading the stuff that ive written about it?be honest cause im starting to think that he doesnt and that he justthinks that i am a student that has a crush on him, as i think tht he has sussed out that i like him, how embarassing
    ive got an essay to hand in, and i could write my number on that but that could be like so embarassing lol i bet hes probably already expecting that lol i hope not. what you think?
    but yeah i dont think leaving my number on it is a good idea as could be extremely awkward even if he does phone
    i do have like labs//tutorials but
    his work colleagues are always around during them so he does not talk about other stuff and just keeps it strictly on a work basis,
    hes so nice but yeah, like alot of people are saying i should wait until i finish uni but thats like ages away i dont want to wait that long,
    and do you think ive made any crazy moves?all ive done is stayed behind and ask him a few stupid qs but im gonna stop now as i just look stupid, and how embarassing about the other day, when i realized i was like daydreaming whilst looking at him
    i think he knows, do youthink he knows?
    i should probs just calm things down a bit?as could get bad if i do anything bold
    your right about he confidence part, the thing is im like SO shy around him

    sorry i poseted this twice btw imkinda new to here, and wasnt sure if got quoted properly 1st time
    No I don't think you made any crazy moves. One of my lecturers last year I was obsessed with. And after waiting in line for ages, him smiling at me all the time I was in the line and watching me, I forgot the question and blurted out - 'can I see you after next lecture?'' That's crazy - I'd waited ages. He seemed really pissed about it even though he was checking me out the whole time.

    It's horrible how you just never know what they're thinking - like the OP's lecturer they can sometimes mess you about because there's a young girl they're infatuated with on one hand, and their wives, respect of colleagues they're worried about. Sometimes they'll blame you for coming onto them, while at the same time trying moves on you. At least the OP is getting to know what he's thinking in a way!

    Being honest he probably does like you. If he's touching you, staring at you in lecture - he probably thinks you're cute, and hot if you're coming in with skirts. I'd say they prefer you to look pretty and classy as opposed to over-fashionable and sexy. They want to see that you're on their level! Maybe try to act super mature.. as Anon1 doesn't sound 19.. and I don't act 20 (my age). Maturity, acting smart, vulnerable around them. Although i can't speak for all lecturers, a lot of them want control and for them to be leading us on.

    Argghh i hate not being able to have them!!

    Have you tried emailing him? Look at him suggestively after class then email?

    Has he looked at you since? Or you spoken to him? Maybe we should plan our moves on these amazing guys together

    My msn and email is [email protected] if you wana chat there!
    • #8
    #8

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He said he's never been so confused about how he feels.

    It's probably best that I don't see him unless absolutely urgent - for now at least. He's just left me feeling even more confused than before, and I just don't know what to do
    Sorry for butting in on the story.... but I totally disagree with O-Ren!! (sorry :o: )

    This is him begging for you to put aside the fact he's married. He told you he loves his wife; this isn't him lying, it's him trying to say he's not just gone off the spent wife at home who irons his shirts, that he's a decent guy who loves his family. But still wants you, because you've got something special with him.

    At the end of the day put yourself in his shoes! He's got a career and a marriage. Being with you could end one (his marriage) and ruin another (even if he doesn't get fired). He's asking whether you would consider this i.e, have a relationship with you and keep his marriage and career; or not have a relationship with you.

    Basically he wants something meaningful with you.. and he's put his heart on the table. I definitely would.. if it's just sex, then it's sex with a hot lecturer at least!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Sorry for butting in on the story.... but I totally disagree with O-Ren!! (sorry :o: )

    This is him begging for you to put aside the fact he's married. He told you he loves his wife; this isn't him lying, it's him trying to say he's not just gone off the spent wife at home who irons his shirts, that he's a decent guy who loves his family. But still wants you, because you've got something special with him.

    At the end of the day put yourself in his shoes! He's got a career and a marriage. Being with you could end one (his marriage) and ruin another (even if he doesn't get fired). He's asking whether you would consider this i.e, have a relationship with you and keep his marriage and career; or not have a relationship with you.

    Basically he wants something meaningful with you.. and he's put his heart on the table. I definitely would.. if it's just sex, then it's sex with a hot lecturer at least!
    Well that's kind of what I said: he's emotionally attached to both of them so he doesn't know what to do.

    I don't think it was him asking for OP to have an affair with him, his exact words were he 'doesn't want to do anything intentionally to hurt his wife'. That certainly does not sound like he wanted an affair. He was trying to tell OP what was going through his mind, because up until then he hadn't had he. He also probably wanted to be in the same room as her again.

    I agree and disagree with your last paragraph. Yes he wants something meaningful with OP but he also doesn't want to cheat on his wife and he also doesn't want to end his marriage. He wants conflicting things - at the moment anyway. And it's obviously not just sex to OP so no she definitely shouldn't sleep with him.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Sorry for butting in on the story.... but I totally disagree with O-Ren!! (sorry :o: )

    This is him begging for you to put aside the fact he's married. He told you he loves his wife; this isn't him lying, it's him trying to say he's not just gone off the spent wife at home who irons his shirts, that he's a decent guy who loves his family. But still wants you, because you've got something special with him.

    At the end of the day put yourself in his shoes! He's got a career and a marriage. Being with you could end one (his marriage) and ruin another (even if he doesn't get fired). He's asking whether you would consider this i.e, have a relationship with you and keep his marriage and career; or not have a relationship with you.

    Basically he wants something meaningful with you.. and he's put his heart on the table. I definitely would.. if it's just sex, then it's sex with a hot lecturer at least!
    I see where you're coming from but I honestly don't think he was suggesting an affair. But I supposed it's hard for me not to be biased in his favour here. I just thought he was being honest with how he feels. Maybe it's just me but I got the impression he wants just the one relationship but he's confused as to with whom he wants the relationship now.

    Also, with the 'just sex' thing - I wouldn't want to have that casual a relationship with anyone let alone someone I actually have feelings for. If I'm going to have sex with someone, I'd rather it'd be someone I'm actually in a relationship with rather than it being some sort of fling. I'm not the kind of person who could just sleep with anyone even if I'd just thought of him as the hot lecturer - I just can't do that; I need it to have some kind of meaning.

    But thanks for your opinion on this - it's good to see what others think of this because I have absolutely no idea what to think really
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I see where you're coming from but I honestly don't think he was suggesting an affair. But I supposed it's hard for me not to be biased in his favour here. I just thought he was being honest with how he feels. Maybe it's just me but I got the impression he wants just the one relationship but he's confused as to with whom he wants the relationship now.

    Also, with the 'just sex' thing - I wouldn't want to have that casual a relationship with anyone let alone someone I actually have feelings for. If I'm going to have sex with someone, I'd rather it'd be someone I'm actually in a relationship with rather than it being some sort of fling. I'm not the kind of person who could just sleep with anyone even if I'd just thought of him as the hot lecturer - I just can't do that; I need it to have some kind of meaning.

    But thanks for your opinion on this - it's good to see what others think of this because I have absolutely no idea what to think really
    how u feeling today?
    did u see him today?
    try not to thinkof him, i know its prob hard not to, but the ball is in his court now he has to decide what he wants,
    you deff did say the right thing though and ive got a feeing that he will end up choosing you
    i saw mine today, he doesnt look at me anymore, i think he only used to look as i looked at him a lot
    and now i try and avoid eye contact, and he doesnt look at me at all now i dont think im going to get anywhere with mine
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    how u feeling today?
    did u see him today?
    try not to thinkof him, i know its prob hard not to, but the ball is in his court now he has to decide what he wants,
    you deff did say the right thing though and ive got a feeing that he will end up choosing you
    i saw mine today, he doesnt look at me anymore, i think he only used to look as i looked at him a lot
    and now i try and avoid eye contact, and he doesnt look at me at all now i dont think im going to get anywhere with mine
    A bit better today thanks Still feeling confused but that's not going to go away until I know for sure what he decides.
    I haven't seen him today but I have a lecture with him tomorrow - so I won't really be able to avoid him.
    Maybe you just don't notice whether he looks at you or not, if you're avoiding eye contact? Did you talk to him at all today?
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    A bit better today thanks Still feeling confused but that's not going to go away until I know for sure what he decides.
    I haven't seen him today but I have a lecture with him tomorrow - so I won't really be able to avoid him.
    Maybe you just don't notice whether he looks at you or not, if you're avoiding eye contact? Did you talk to him at all today?
    I thought that he was looking at me but then i asked my friend and she said that he was looking towards the wall and not in my direction. i should try and avoid eye contact init, or do you think i should try and make eye contact, oh this is getting really annoying now not knowing how to go about this ridiculous crush
    try and sit in back in his lecture, will be less awkward for you,actually sit near the front so that he deff sees you, and realizes what he will miss out on if he picks his wife
    no i never spoke to him, i cant just go up to him at end of lecture as there is nothing to say and i dont want to ask Qs now as the Qs i ask are so stupid.
    this really isnt getting anywhere, its so depressing
    why does he have to be so hot
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I thought that he was looking at me but then i asked my friend and she said that he was looking towards the wall and not in my direction. i should try and avoid eye contact init, or do you think i should try and make eye contact, oh this is getting really annoying now not knowing how to go about this ridiculous crush
    try and sit in back in his lecture, will be less awkward for you,actually sit near the front so that he deff sees you, and realizes what he will miss out on if he picks his wife
    no i never spoke to him, i cant just go up to him at end of lecture as there is nothing to say and i dont want to ask Qs now as the Qs i ask are so stupid.
    this really isnt getting anywhere, its so depressing
    why does he have to be so hot
    Just keep your eye contact 'normal' - look at him if he's talking, don't if he's not. That's fairly standard eye contact and he shouldn't think anything of it. He'll eventually notice if you're avoiding eye contact altogether which could be even more awkward.
    Maybe from now on, only ask him questions which you absolutely have to - that way he'll wonder about you if there's some sense of mystery to you
    Unfortunately our lecture halls are incredibly small being a small uni and all so he'll be able to see me wherever I sit :o: And he always looks directly at students when he's talking and when there are so few people in the lecture he won't really be able to avoid me either. Well, I'll just have to see what happens tomorrow
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    No I don't think you made any crazy moves. One of my lecturers last year I was obsessed with. And after waiting in line for ages, him smiling at me all the time I was in the line and watching me, I forgot the question and blurted out - 'can I see you after next lecture?'' That's crazy - I'd waited ages. He seemed really pissed about it even though he was checking me out the whole time.

    It's horrible how you just never know what they're thinking - like the OP's lecturer they can sometimes mess you about because there's a young girl they're infatuated with on one hand, and their wives, respect of colleagues they're worried about. Sometimes they'll blame you for coming onto them, while at the same time trying moves on you. At least the OP is getting to know what he's thinking in a way!

    Being honest he probably does like you. If he's touching you, staring at you in lecture - he probably thinks you're cute, and hot if you're coming in with skirts. I'd say they prefer you to look pretty and classy as opposed to over-fashionable and sexy. They want to see that you're on their level! Maybe try to act super mature.. as Anon1 doesn't sound 19.. and I don't act 20 (my age). Maturity, acting smart, vulnerable around them. Although i can't speak for all lecturers, a lot of them want control and for them to be leading us on.

    Argghh i hate not being able to have them!!

    Have you tried emailing him? Look at him suggestively after class then email?

    Has he looked at you since? Or you spoken to him? Maybe we should plan our moves on these amazing guys together

    My msn and email is [email protected] if you wana chat there!
    hey i emailed you but now cant log in to my account, long story so will email you from another account and just email me back on that
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Just keep your eye contact 'normal' - look at him if he's talking, don't if he's not. That's fairly standard eye contact and he shouldn't think anything of it. He'll eventually notice if you're avoiding eye contact altogether which could be even more awkward.
    Maybe from now on, only ask him questions which you absolutely have to - that way he'll wonder about you if there's some sense of mystery to you
    Unfortunately our lecture halls are incredibly small being a small uni and all so he'll be able to see me wherever I sit :o: And he always looks directly at students when he's talking and when there are so few people in the lecture he won't really be able to avoid me either. Well, I'll just have to see what happens tomorrow
    okay, yeah your right he will probably realize if i avoid it altogether
    i might see him tommorrow
    yeah i need to find other reasons to talk to him as the Qs is kind of sad, will say hi to him tommrow if i see him, fingers crossed i will
    dont worry about tommorow im sure it will be okay,wil be kinda awkward, but its good that he sees you as will remind him of how he wants to be with you
    btw i have an essay to hand in for him next week
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    okay, yeah your right he will probably realize if i avoid it altogether
    i might see him tommorrow
    yeah i need to find other reasons to talk to him as the Qs is kind of sad, will say hi to him tommrow if i see him, fingers crossed i will
    dont worry about tommorow im sure it will be okay,wil be kinda awkward, but its good that he sees you as will remind him of how he wants to be with you
    btw i have an essay to hand in for him next week
    Yeah just a friendly hi will make him at least notice you more - unless of course most students say hi to him in particular but still :p:
    Work extra hard on that essay, impress him with your academic ability - lecturers always remember the best essays And if you don't do so well, you've got a chance to at least ask him how you can improve - gives you a chance to talk to him then
    It's mainly the awkwardness I'm worried about tomorrow - and I know how much he stalls when he has something on his mind so it'll kind of prevent him from lecturing properly. I'm just hoping he's ok
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah just a friendly hi will make him at least notice you more - unless of course most students say hi to him in particular but still :p:
    Work extra hard on that essay, impress him with your academic ability - lecturers always remember the best essays And if you don't do so well, you've got a chance to at least ask him how you can improve - gives you a chance to talk to him then
    It's mainly the awkwardness I'm worried about tomorrow - and I know how much he stalls when he has something on his mind so it'll kind of prevent him from lecturing properly. I'm just hoping he's ok
    yeh i feel really embarassed as i think im being like really unsubtle about it, i dress really OTT for uni, and yeah i told you he doesnt look at me anymore , i think i should quit while im ahead, as realistically there isnt much hope is there?i mean like i was almost over him last week but then i saw him again, and that cute serious kinda face that he does, aww hes so adorable haha:o:
    i still need to check about the whole touching thing as wel , but i think its with everyone i hope im wrong
    ok yeah ill start doing it now,
    its a good thing you havent told any of your mates about it as would have made it more awkward, i kinda wish i hadnt told mines
    if anything does happen between me and him, i wont tell my mates though, dont worry about it hun, it will be okay, dont be nervous, at least he likes you! and i think he will choose you
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    yeh i feel really embarassed as i think im being like really unsubtle about it, i dress really OTT for uni, and yeah i told you he doesnt look at me anymore , i think i should quit while im ahead, as realistically there isnt much hope is there?i mean like i was almost over him last week but then i saw him again, and that cute serious kinda face that he does, aww hes so adorable haha:o:
    i still need to check about the whole touching thing as wel , but i think its with everyone i hope im wrong
    ok yeah ill start doing it now,
    its a good thing you havent told any of your mates about it as would have made it more awkward, i kinda wish i hadnt told mines
    if anything does happen between me and him, i wont tell my mates though, dont worry about it hun, it will be okay, dont be nervous, at least he likes you! and i think he will choose you
    Just dress casual - don't make what you wear stand out but what you are instead. Being an older man, he's more likely to appreciate that (especially considering he doesn't seem like a perv lol)
    Yeah let me know about the touching thing - you might have some hope there
    I know, I'm so glad I didn't tell anyone anything - it would have been so awkward especially if any of them started joking about it tomorrow :o: Even if anything did happen, I wouldn't tell anyone until I graduate. It'd probably be easier for him that way too. :p:
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Just dress casual - don't make what you wear stand out but what you are instead. Being an older man, he's more likely to appreciate that (especially considering he doesn't seem like a perv lol)
    Yeah let me know about the touching thing - you might have some hope there
    I know, I'm so glad I didn't tell anyone anything - it would have been so awkward especially if any of them started joking about it tomorrow :o: Even if anything did happen, I wouldn't tell anyone until I graduate. It'd probably be easier for him that way too. :p:
    lol yeah i think its cause a lot of girls like him i think
    i know your right,i think im gonna tell them that im over it, (pretending i am obv) and just speak to you about it, and also i dont think that they (our lecturers) would be too happy if they found out that we have told other people about it
    now that ive told them its so hard to not talk about it though
    you wouldnt tell anyone, but you would tell me??:o: if anything happens that is
    yeah i will try and do the plan tomororw but is it okay to do if people are watching yeah init cause it is just casual, i need to try and act really subte about it, being subte around him is not exactly my strong point lol.no but seriousy i need to start as its not good if he knows
    hes so nice
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    lol yeah i think its cause a lot of girls like him i think
    i know your right,i think im gonna tell them that im over it, (pretending i am obv) and just speak to you about it, and also i dont think that they (our lecturers) would be too happy if they found out that we have told other people about it
    now that ive told them its so hard to not talk about it though
    you wouldnt tell anyone, but you would tell me??:o: if anything happens that is
    yeah i will try and do the plan tomororw but is it okay to do if people are watching yeah init cause it is just casual, i need to try and act really subte about it, being subte around him is not exactly my strong point lol.no but seriousy i need to start as its not good if he knows
    hes so nice
    Yeah just pretend you got over him when you saw some random hot guy in the library...or something more believable :p:
    This is why the internet was invented - talk all you want about him in complete anonymity
    haha well I'd probably have to tell someone if anything did happen and considering I'm completely anon here, I don't see the harm in telling you
    Just make it seem natural - don't do it if someone's talking to you but when you're just about to leave, or you stand up or something.
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah just pretend you got over him when you saw some random hot guy in the library...or something more believable :p:
    This is why the internet was invented - talk all you want about him in complete anonymity
    haha well I'd probably have to tell someone if anything did happen and considering I'm completely anon here, I don't see the harm in telling you
    Just make it seem natural - don't do it if someone's talking to you but when you're just about to leave, or you stand up or something.
    :confused: im confused, what are you talking about?do what? i was talking about the touching to see the response thing, i was thinking of asking him something and randomly touch him
    • #3
    #3

    that is if i see him mind you, not sure if i will tommorrow,tgis is starting to get really sad lol its gotta stop
    good luck for 2mrw, and obv let me know what happens it should be fine
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    he will be sacked. it aint legal in most universities for a lecturer to do that

    jeez girl, but you have some balls, ill give you that

    Yippee Kai Yay
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