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Issue with lecturer watch

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    (Original post by kim_b1990)
    I know it's not your fault what happened, I think he's kind of taken advantage of his position as he made the first move and he's a lot older than you so he knows what he was doing. As people said earlier, he might have even done it before with someone else. It's going to be difficult if you can't be alone in a room with him though. Presumably you're going to have to be in his office alone again if he's going to be your tutor for the next few years :/ sounds like such a difficult situation.

    I know you said you don't want to, but if it gets too awkward you could maybe ask to change tutors and just say it's because of personal differences - I've had friends who have done that because they don't get on with their tutor and its not been questioned. Or you could talk to him about it and explain that you like him as a tutor but make it clear that's how you want your relationship to remain. Say you don't think what happened was appropriate and you'd like to draw a line under it. I hope things work out for you
    Yeah, I think he might have known I had a crush on him - I wasn't particularly good at hiding it unfortunately :o:
    I know it's possible but he just never seemed like the kind of person who'd go around coming on to students. And I'm not just saying that to somehow make myself feel better - he truly didn't seem the type - that's part of why I had a crush on him ironically.
    I'm not sure if this was some kind of ego trip for him though...a way of knowing people still find him attractive or something?

    But I think you're right - I really need to talk to him about it. I liked the relaxed almost-friendship we had beforehand and I don't want to lose that. He's been able to help me with so many personal issues and he knows exactly how to handle these situations.

    I think I might email him to arrange a meeting because I know I can't go on avoiding him. I really hope it won't be too awkward though

    Thank you so much for the advice, you've really helped
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    I think you ought to change tutor, no matter whether you think it'll happen again, or whether you think he does it to everyone, or whether you think you'll be able to work through it and cope with being alone with him. If it ever comes out, for whatever reason, both of you will be stuffed, especially if you work closely with him - if he supervises a lot of your essays or your dissertation, for instance, he can't mark it anonymously; he will (or should, if he's any sort of supervisor at all) know who wrote it.

    If this... thing that you guys have between you is going to become anything, it will - but it shouldn't until you've graduated. Before then, and the risks are too great. Also, it's worth bearing in mind that many lecturers are after their students. Being looked up to, in particular, is incredibly flattering. His feelings may, then, not be entirely genuine - not love, as it were, just infatuation.

    Sorry if it sounds harsh, especially that last paragraph - but a lot of people have been hurt by situations like this, and I wouldn't like to see it happen to anyone else.
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    But everything at my uni gets double marked so even if I change tutors, he could still be marking my work. Even the dissertation gets triple marked and with him being the course leader, he marks it too regardless of whether or not he's my supervisor. Also, we don't get a choice in dissertation supervisor - we're assigned to whomever has an interest in what we want to write about so we can't really change them.

    Do you think I should wait until I meet him about what happened first? If it's awkward then I'll change tutors...because I'd have to discuss it with him anyway if I changed tutors.
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    (Original post by Jessaay!)
    But it also depends on the subject. On the off chance the OP is on a course such as medicine (in particular) or teaching etc where the focus is practical and person-based, the regulations are probably different. I know for a fact that it's a regulation on medical students that they do not enter relationships with their tutors/lecturers etc whether or not the university itself allows it or not.
    Really I never knew that!

    That's well not useful information but interesting information nonetheless. (I'm a medic too lol).
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    Hold your horses.
    Did you say he's married?
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    (Original post by Peachesishere)
    Hold your horses.
    Did you say he's married?
    Yes, which is why I don't want anything to happen with him.
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    I assume you are interested in writing your dissertation with him supervising, then? Hmm - tricksy. However, if everything at your uni is marked anonymously, and he isn't the module leader, then there's no reason for him to know that you wrote a particular essay. If you have to do a dissertation with him, you could try keeping contact to email. That happens a lot at my uni - lecturers are just too busy to see people for a long time.

    You could meet with him again - but are you sure it would be a good idea? If you can trust yourself, go for it (and I'd always say keep in touch with him via email anyway - sometimes, things like this have happy endings). Otherwise... distant contact is probably best
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Please keep anon or delete.

    I've found myself in a bit of a tricky situation with my lecturer and I don't know what to do about it

    As the stereotype goes, I have a huge crush on him and have done since our first conversation. Admittedly, I try really hard on assignments because of him - even if he's not marking them.

    I feel that we've become quite close over the last few months and formed somewhat of a friendship. Despite having a mad crush on him, I never expected anything more than a friendship and in no way did I try to forge anything more out of respect for his career.

    But something changed when I was in his office last week; I was there to collect my essay and after receiving feedback, conversation veered to other topics, as usually happens. As I went to leave, he stood up too (which he never normally does), so I smiled politely and went to open the door, when he called my name. I turned around and he was standing so close to me, and before I could figure out what was going on, he leaned in to kiss me. Initially I was shocked but I stupidly let my feelings overtake me and I kissed him back. After we broke apart and I realised what just happened, I just said I had to leave and walked out of his office.

    I'm just so confused now, but the thing is, I actually want to kiss him again when I know that I really shouldn't and I feel absolutely ridiculous for feeling this way. He doesn't seem like the type to regularly come on to his students but I'm just not sure anymore.

    Any advice would be appreciated
    Please keep anon or delete

    :O i have like THE biggest crush on my lecturer hes like 40 but,
    i cant believe u actually kissed ur lecturer!!!
    my lecturer isnt ,married but
    its prob not a good idea, coz like everyone is saying u wil be his bit on the side and it prob wont work out it would be different if he wasnt married..
    how often do you meet him alone in his room? and what for?
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    (Original post by morphosyntax)
    I assume you are interested in writing your dissertation with him supervising, then? Hmm - tricksy. However, if everything at your uni is marked anonymously, and he isn't the module leader, then there's no reason for him to know that you wrote a particular essay. If you have to do a dissertation with him, you could try keeping contact to email. That happens a lot at my uni - lecturers are just too busy to see people for a long time.

    You could meet with him again - but are you sure it would be a good idea? If you can trust yourself, go for it (and I'd always say keep in touch with him via email anyway - sometimes, things like this have happy endings). Otherwise... distant contact is probably best
    Yeah, the topic I want to write about is one of his research interests - go figure considering we got on so well because of common interests, but I never thought I'd find myself in this situation :o:

    I just don't feel discussing what happened would work by email really because the uni monitors all emails sent to and from the uni. Considering I don't want him to lose his job, that might not be such a good idea. :/

    Hopefully we'll be able to somewhat resolve the issue, but if not I'll try changing tutors.

    Thanks for your advice
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Please keep anon or delete.

    I've found myself in a bit of a tricky situation with my lecturer and I don't know what to do about it

    As the stereotype goes, I have a huge crush on him and have done since our first conversation. Admittedly, I try really hard on assignments because of him - even if he's not marking them.

    I feel that we've become quite close over the last few months and formed somewhat of a friendship. Despite having a mad crush on him, I never expected anything more than a friendship and in no way did I try to forge anything more out of respect for his career.

    But something changed when I was in his office last week; I was there to collect my essay and after receiving feedback, conversation veered to other topics, as usually happens. As I went to leave, he stood up too (which he never normally does), so I smiled politely and went to open the door, when he called my name. I turned around and he was standing so close to me, and before I could figure out what was going on, he leaned in to kiss me. Initially I was shocked but I stupidly let my feelings overtake me and I kissed him back. After we broke apart and I realised what just happened, I just said I had to leave and walked out of his office.

    I'm just so confused now, but the thing is, I actually want to kiss him again when I know that I really shouldn't and I feel absolutely ridiculous for feeling this way. He doesn't seem like the type to regularly come on to his students but I'm just not sure anymore.

    Any advice would be appreciated
    how do you think that he guessed you like him??
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    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Please keep anon or delete

    :O i have like THE biggest crush on my lecturer hes like 40 but,
    i cant believe u actually kissed ur lecturer!!!
    my lecturer isnt ,married but
    its prob not a good idea, coz like everyone is saying u wil be his bit on the side and it prob wont work out it would be different if he wasnt married..
    how often do you meet him alone in his room? and what for?
    Well I'm glad I'm not the only one who has a crush on a lecturer who's slightly older than the 'normal' crush age :o:

    However much I wanted to, I wouldn't have kissed him under any other circumstances - it just kinda happened and even now I'm not sure how really. :/

    It tends to vary from week to week...I usually collect my assignments from him, if he's the primary marker (as do most students) but we usually end up talking about something completely unrelated. I see him about personal issues. I've occasionally helped carry books back to his office and, again, ended up talking about something unrelated. So it's probably more than the average student. But he does share his office with another lecturer, who's there sometimes, so I'm not completely alone with him every time I see him.

    This would be so much easier if he was just another (single) student on my course, but no, I have to end up crushing on the lecturer :sigh:
    • #3
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Well I'm glad I'm not the only one who has a crush on a lecturer who's slightly older than the 'normal' crush age :o:

    However much I wanted to, I wouldn't have kissed him under any other circumstances - it just kinda happened and even now I'm not sure how really. :/

    It tends to vary from week to week...I usually collect my assignments from him, if he's the primary marker (as do most students) but we usually end up talking about something completely unrelated. I see him about personal issues. I've occasionally helped carry books back to his office and, again, ended up talking about something unrelated. So it's probably more than the average student. But he does share his office with another lecturer, who's there sometimes, so I'm not completely alone with him every time I see him.

    This would be so much easier if he was just another (single) student on my course, but no, I have to end up crushing on the lecturer :sigh:
    im like so shy around him, its so bad,
    hes really nice but i think hes just nice to everyone not just me
    and i kinda got a bad feeling that he can tell that i like him
    its so awkward in lectures when we make eye contact as I look away and was talking to my mate about it and she said that makes it obvious. DO you get this problem too?
    lol i cant believe you actually kissed him
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    Go for it and get that First! :top:
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    how do you think that he guessed you like him??
    It was probably pretty obvious to him considering he may have had students have crushes on him before.

    I was literally tripping over my words every time I talked to him until I relaxed a little bit and he knew I didn't have a problem talking to anyone else properly. Only he gets a huge smile from me every time I see him...again he knows no one else gets this (damn him for being so observant). I went out of my way to pay him compliments and defended him in lectures if other students were being pricks to him. I suppose he may have guessed through other unconscious things I was doing too :dontknow:

    Apparently I'm painfully obvious when it comes to crushes :o:
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    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    im like so shy around him, its so bad,
    hes really nice but i think hes just nice to everyone not just me
    and i kinda got a bad feeling that he can tell that i like him
    its so awkward in lectures when we make eye contact as I look away and was talking to my mate about it and she said that makes it obvious. DO you get this problem too?
    lol i cant believe you actually kissed him
    Yeah, I get that whole awkward eye contact thing too...that must have figured towards him guessing I liked him. And apparently other students picked up on that too, making it even more awkward. :o:
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah, I get that whole awkward eye contact thing too...that must have figured towards him guessing I liked him. And apparently other students picked up on that too, making it even more awkward. :o:
    yeah thats kinda embarassing other students knowing, have you told any of your friends?
    i really like him lol why do we like them such stupid crushes!!
    ive heard that hes had a thing with a student a few years back
    i dont think he likes me because he doesnt stay and help me in class for too long
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah, I get that whole awkward eye contact thing too...that must have figured towards him guessing I liked him. And apparently other students picked up on that too, making it even more awkward. :o:
    BUT having said that i feel like he keeps eye contact with me longer like if i look awa and then look back hes still looking
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    i would've said to go for it
    and then i read that he's married.
    ok seriously whats he doing going round kissing his students when he has a wife!
    sounds like an idiot to me, don't get involved
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    yeah thats kinda embarassing other students knowing, have you told any of your friends?
    i really like him lol why do we like them such stupid crushes!!
    ive heard that hes had a thing with a student a few years back
    i dont think he likes me because he doesnt stay and help me in class for too long
    Yeah, and they tend to point it out in the actual lectures themselves quite blatantly. It's really annoying because I just don't know what to say to them :/

    My friends know that I think he's awesome...but almost everyone thinks he's awesome so :dontknow: Some of them have probably figured it out but haven't said anything.
    How about with you? Do your friends know?

    Another case of wanting what we can't have... :sigh:

    Maybe he got warned for the last time he got involved with a student, so he's been extra careful :dontknow: But then again, you're probably better off if he didn't like you - it makes the situation much more awkward otherwise. Unless of course your uni has no policy on lecturer-student relationships...
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    (Original post by x In Love Again x)
    i would've said to go for it
    and then i read that he's married.
    ok seriously whats he doing going round kissing his students when he has a wife!
    sounds like an idiot to me, don't get involved
    It did honestly make me lose a little bit of respect for him when he kissed me...it didn't really show he respected his wife...:/
 
 
 
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