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Issue with lecturer watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    lol id be too shy to say that to him, im just so shy around him
    tbh hun,yeah hes married but the question is- is he happily married lol like my friend said to me ( at that point i thought he was married but he isnt)
    I usually would be too, but it just kind of slipped out - it's not really something I would ask anyone out of the blue.

    Yep, he seems happily married to me. It's clear by the way he talks about his wife (adding to the reason I do not want to get involved)

    fo you think the prolonged eye contact means anything or do you think im just imagining it?
    like before i used to say hi to him if i seen him, but this semester im just so shy
    Does he only do this to you, or to all the students? It may mean something or it could be something he just does.

    Next time you see him say hi and ask how he is - just in a normal friendly manner like you would with your coursemates. From what I've been told, lecturers prefer their students to treat them like people in this manner rather than emotionless robots. (Not my words, another lecturer of mine told me this)
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    wow. go for it
    just tread carefully
    in fact if hes ancient dont go for it...
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    Yes. Getting over people sucks. Having spent half of my life getting over various teachers of mine (oh, how I long for one of them... still...), I know how hard that is. Massive meh there.

    I think that appointment'll really help you get a feel for how he's going to play it, which is very useful indeed. I hope he'll be grown-up enough not to jeopardise either of your futures again (and I'm sure he will be, if he's as cool as you say he is ). Losing the friendship doesn't have to be an inevitable consequence of this... debacle... and your maturity will probably go a long way as well.

    Best of luck! If you can bear to, please let us know what happens when you see him next (although hopefully, it won't be another situation where advice is needed...!). I don't know whether anonymous PMs are possible here, but if they are, and you ever need a sounding board, feel free to PM me

    Hope it all gets sorted soon!
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    (Original post by morphosyntax)
    Yes. Getting over people sucks. Having spent half of my life getting over various teachers of mine (oh, how I long for one of them... still...), I know how hard that is. Massive meh there.

    I think that appointment'll really help you get a feel for how he's going to play it, which is very useful indeed. I hope he'll be grown-up enough not to jeopardise either of your futures again (and I'm sure he will be, if he's as cool as you say he is ). Losing the friendship doesn't have to be an inevitable consequence of this... debacle... and your maturity will probably go a long way as well.

    Best of luck! If you can bear to, please let us know what happens when you see him next (although hopefully, it won't be another situation where advice is needed...!). I don't know whether anonymous PMs are possible here, but if they are, and you ever need a sounding board, feel free to PM me

    Hope it all gets sorted soon!
    Ah yes, I remember those crushes on teachers, but somehow they didn't seem as serious as this current crush (even before the kiss) - maybe because I've got more of a chance to know him personally.

    I know for a fact that he is very mature in handling all types of situations, moreso than the other lecturers (hence why I prefer talking to him) - so I hope he really does deal with this in a mature way. I have enough faith in him to think he will but with this kind of situation it's hard to tell how he'd react.

    I really hope I don't lose the friendship and I just hope something can be sorted out on Friday. And of course, I'll keep you guys up-to-date on what happens on Friday. Hopefully all will be resolved.

    Thank you again for the advice, I appreciate it
    • #3
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I usually would be too, but it just kind of slipped out - it's not really something I would ask anyone out of the blue.

    Yep, he seems happily married to me. It's clear by the way he talks about his wife (adding to the reason I do not want to get involved)



    Does he only do this to you, or to all the students? It may mean something or it could be something he just does.

    Next time you see him say hi and ask how he is - just in a normal friendly manner like you would with your coursemates. From what I've been told, lecturers prefer their students to treat them like people in this manner rather than emotionless robots. (Not my words, another lecturer of mine told me this)
    thats so bad him kissing you despite the fact that he goes on about his wife, maybe he isnt happy and just says it and will tell you the true story on friday lol
    ok i'll try, and let u knowif i do
    i dont know, i'll ask my friends that know, about the eye contact
    i think he knows but :o:
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    thats so bad him kissing you despite the fact that he goes on about his wife, maybe he isnt happy and just says it and will tell you the true story on friday lol
    ok i'll try, and let u knowif i do
    i dont know, i'll ask my friends that know, about the eye contact
    i think he knows but :o:
    The thing is, he only talks about his wife in lectures/seminars. When he's just talking to me, he only mentions her if I ask about her. It's as if he's ok with discussing his wife in lectures but not to me - I'm not sure why because it can't really be him trying to keep his personal life separate to his professional life - he's generally a fairly open person. :dontknow:

    He might just know regardless of how obvious (or not) you're being if he's the kind of person who gets a lot of students crushing on him.

    Best of luck with your lecturer, whatever happens, and of course keep me posted
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The thing is, he only talks about his wife in lectures/seminars. When he's just talking to me, he only mentions her if I ask about her. It's as if he's ok with discussing his wife in lectures but not to me - I'm not sure why because it can't really be him trying to keep his personal life separate to his professional life - he's generally a fairly open person. :dontknow:

    He might just know regardless of how obvious (or not) you're being if he's the kind of person who gets a lot of students crushing on him.

    Best of luck with your lecturer, whatever happens, and of course keep me posted
    thats weird, maybe hes putting ona pretence so people think he is happily married and that no-one ill find out about you guys
    lol yeah i will do and luck to you too
    lemme know what happens next time you see him, and obv about what happens on friday
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    if hes teaching you he will likely get into trouble for it

    even if he isn't teaching you, its an abuse of power/position, and is not looked kindly upon in the academic community
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    thats weird, maybe hes putting ona pretence so people think he is happily married and that no-one ill find out about you guys
    lol yeah i will do and luck to you too
    lemme know what happens next time you see him, and obv about what happens on friday
    But he's been doing this since September, before we even got to know each other properly. Not sure why really :/
    AGH! He's moved the appointment to tomorrow! But I'll be seeing him just before my lecture so I'll have an actual excuse to rush off if I need to :p:
    When do you see your lecturer next?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But he's been doing this since September, before we even got to know each other properly. Not sure why really :/
    AGH! He's moved the appointment to tomorrow! But I'll be seeing him just before my lecture so I'll have an actual excuse to rush off if I need to :p:
    When do you see your lecturer next?
    hey just got back from uni, and came straight on here lol
    thursday, hopefully i will catch a glimpse of him tommorrow
    maybe he could tell that you like him from the start
    :O ur meetings tommorow good luck with that, im sure it will be fine
    weird q but how do u usually dress in uni? ike what kind of 'look' do u have cause i was thinking i should prob start dressing like smart coz hes old
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    hey just got back from uni, and came straight on here lol
    thursday, hopefully i will catch a glimpse of him tommorrow
    maybe he could tell that you like him from the start
    :O ur meetings tommorow good luck with that, im sure it will be fine
    weird q but how do u usually dress in uni? ike what kind of 'look' do u have cause i was thinking i should prob start dressing like smart coz hes old
    haha! I did that too lol
    Yeah maybe, considering the first time I talked to him I pretty much melted right in front of him as soon as he smiled. I have a weakness for those one-sided smiles... :love:
    Let's hope he doesn't smile tomorrow otherwise I'm screwed :p:
    Usually jeans and t-shirt - pretty casual. Although I'm usually wearing a coat most days as well because I get cold easily :o: How about you?
    Even my lecturer dresses pretty casual - jeans etc.
    That reminds me of a conversation I had with him...lol it was quite awkward actually but he was absolutely adorable!
    He said he liked my shirt and that he'd always wanted one like it (it's one of those shirt styles that both men and women can wear) - the only thing I could do was grin like a Cheshire cat and mumble a thank you :o: He then told me I was different to the other girls on the course, which was refreshing, so I asked him what he meant by that, and he responded that I don't seem like the type to mess guys around or walk into lectures half naked to get their attention, that I use my brains rather than my body to get good grades...when he realised what he was saying he actually blushed a little and frantically changed the subject after an almost apologetic smile. That was the first time I've actually seen him nervous, and I almost hugged him! That put a smile on my face all week! :o: I probably looked quite ridiculous grinning at everyone lol
    • #3
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    haha! I did that too lol
    Yeah maybe, considering the first time I talked to him I pretty much melted right in front of him as soon as he smiled. I have a weakness for those one-sided smiles... :love:
    Let's hope he doesn't smile tomorrow otherwise I'm screwed :p:
    Usually jeans and t-shirt - pretty casual. Although I'm usually wearing a coat most days as well because I get cold easily :o: How about you?
    Even my lecturer dresses pretty casual - jeans etc.
    That reminds me of a conversation I had with him...lol it was quite awkward actually but he was absolutely adorable!
    He said he liked my shirt and that he'd always wanted one like it (it's one of those shirt styles that both men and women can wear) - the only thing I could do was grin like a Cheshire cat and mumble a thank you :o: He then told me I was different to the other girls on the course, which was refreshing, so I asked him what he meant by that, and he responded that I don't seem like the type to mess guys around or walk into lectures half naked to get their attention, that I use my brains rather than my body to get good grades...when he realised what he was saying he actually blushed a little and frantically changed the subject after an almost apologetic smile. That was the first time I've actually seen him nervous, and I almost hugged him! That put a smile on my face all week! :o: I probably looked quite ridiculous grinning at everyone lol
    yh usually just wear coat uggs jeans and a top, but recently been wearing like really high heels, do you think that makes it way too obv?
    and is a bit much for uni coz everyone on my course dresses like REALLY casual,
    omg you guys are llike so ahead lol were not even on the saying hi stage,
    he totally likes you!!!
    lol we totally need to get over them
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    yh usually just wear coat uggs jeans and a top, but recently been wearing like really high heels, do you think that makes it way too obv?
    and is a bit much for uni coz everyone on my course dresses like REALLY casual,
    omg you guys are llike so ahead lol were not even on the saying hi stage,
    he totally likes you!!!
    lol we totally need to get over them
    Do men even notice shoes? lol Mind you, he'll probably notice the heels if it's not something that students usually wear at your uni...so it might be a little obvious, esp if he already thinks you like him.
    I would be too clumsy in heels lol! I'd lose my balance as soon as I see him :p:
    It's so hard getting over someone who's so bloody perfect though :sad:
    And it seems like I'm not even interested in anyone else on my course - most of them are too immature tbh. Do you have this problem with the guys on your course?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Do men even notice shoes? lol Mind you, he'll probably notice the heels if it's not something that students usually wear at your uni...so it might be a little obvious, esp if he already thinks you like him.
    I would be too clumsy in heels lol! I'd lose my balance as soon as I see him :p:
    It's so hard getting over someone who's so bloody perfect though :sad:
    And it seems like I'm not even interested in anyone else on my course - most of them are too immature tbh. Do you have this problem with the guys on your course?
    yeah same theyr all so immature,
    ur so lucky at least urs is interested, im just so shy around him
    yeah sorry he dresses smart - always got a shirt and tie and black trousers on
    sothats why was thinking but then again if i change how i dress everyine else will think i look weird and id look stupid
    so hard to get him to talk to me
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    Is this genuine?
    Maybe if you are clearly avoiding him, he will sense that you feel awkward about it and not bring it up again...and I think, in most situations, the lecturer would not wish to risk losing their job over something like this, especially if they are uncertain how you feel/will react. Just be honest with however you feel, one way or the other...and stick to it!
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    (Original post by Miss_Scarlet)
    Is this genuine?
    Maybe if you are clearly avoiding him, he will sense that you feel awkward about it and not bring it up again...and I think, in most situations, the lecturer would not wish to risk losing their job over something like this, especially if they are uncertain how you feel/will react. Just be honest with however you feel, one way or the other...and stick to it!
    Yes, it's genuine. The thing is, I can't really avoid him - every time I've seen him in the past I had to because I needed to. The only way he'll be aware of how I feel is if I tell him myself, which would be pretty hard in itself.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    yeah same theyr all so immature,
    ur so lucky at least urs is interested, im just so shy around him
    yeah sorry he dresses smart - always got a shirt and tie and black trousers on
    sothats why was thinking but then again if i change how i dress everyine else will think i look weird and id look stupid
    so hard to get him to talk to me
    Yeah but at least yours is single If mine were this would be a whole different situation :sigh:
    Wow! A tie as well? I don't think any lecturer at my uni wears a tie lol
    Maybe you can say you've got a personal issue and you feel more comfortable talking to him about it than your personal tutor? Obviously, if you don't actually have a personal issue, it might not work, but maybe?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes, it's genuine. The thing is, I can't really avoid him - every time I've seen him in the past I had to because I needed to. The only way he'll be aware of how I feel is if I tell him myself, which would be pretty hard in itself.
    Well you have to decide how you really feel (and consider how it may affect things at Uni if you DO get with him too) and once you know, do not doubt yourself or be influenced. If you bump into him, just act normal and just say hi or whatever you would normally say, nothing dodgy or flirtateous or suggestive. If you do not bring what happened up and keep any conversation completely neutral, he will get the message.
    If he pushes something you do not want, you can be firm and say you do not want that or you do not feel it is appropriate. I don't think he would risk his job by pushing anything further if it was clearly against your wishes.

    If you DO want something...be aware that a) he may do this regularly, which is fine if you want something casual... but you probably don't. You may think he has never done it before, but you cannot be completely sure of that and chances are if I am honest, it has happened before, especially if he was so forward with you and made the first move (if you had perhaps chased him and he had been unwilling until things changed...maybe it is more likely he doesn't do it often). And b) if he is married, it is highly unlikely that he will view you as anything more than a bit of fun sadly, although there are cases where students and lecturers have ended up together long-term. (But there are likely more cases where the student has ended up hurt and alone!)

    So best to make a decision and be firm either way...don't let him doubt or wonder.
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    (Original post by Miss_Scarlet)
    Well you have to decide how you really feel (and consider how it may affect things at Uni if you DO get with him too) and once you know, do not doubt yourself or be influenced. If you bump into him, just act normal and just say hi or whatever you would normally say, nothing dodgy or flirtateous or suggestive. If you do not bring what happened up and keep any conversation completely neutral, he will get the message.
    If he pushes something you do not want, you can be firm and say you do not want that or you do not feel it is appropriate. I don't think he would risk his job by pushing anything further if it was clearly against your wishes.

    If you DO want something...be aware that a) he may do this regularly, which is fine if you want something casual... but you probably don't. You may think he has never done it before, but you cannot be completely sure of that and chances are if I am honest, it has happened before, especially if he was so forward with you and made the first move (if you had perhaps chased him and he had been unwilling until things changed...maybe it is more likely he doesn't do it often). And b) if he is married, it is highly unlikely that he will view you as anything more than a bit of fun sadly, although there are cases where students and lecturers have ended up together long-term. (But there are likely more cases where the student has ended up hurt and alone!)

    So best to make a decision and be firm either way...don't let him doubt or wonder.
    I know that I definitely don't want to get involved with him because he's married. While his job is not strictly speaking at risk giving the policy the uni has on these relationships, his marriage most definitely is. I doubt he'd risk his marriage and I wouldn't want him to - I don't want to be that person.

    But thank you for your advice, and I'll be sure to make it clear to him that I don't want to get involved when I see him next
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know that I definitely don't want to get involved with him because he's married. While his job is not strictly speaking at risk giving the policy the uni has on these relationships, his marriage most definitely is. I doubt he'd risk his marriage and I wouldn't want him to - I don't want to be that person.

    But thank you for your advice, and I'll be sure to make it clear to him that I don't want to get involved when I see him next
    Yeah shame he isn't single if you liked him... they are nearly always married, so unfair But best to make it clear you don't want any sort of relationship.
    I think most Unis wouldn't fire a lecturer for it, as long as the relationship was reported to the person in charge, to ensure that the student's work is not graded by that lecturer.
 
 
 
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