Awful Christmas Cracker Jokes

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elpaw
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#1
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#1
post them here

for example,

Q: How do farmers count cows? A: on a cowculator
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Adhsur
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(Original post by elpaw)
post them here

for example,

Q: How do farmers count cows? A: on a cowculator
ROTFL!!! That's just so hilariously bad.
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elpaw
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(Original post by Adhsur)
ROTFL!!! That's just so hilariously bad.
could you pwetty pwease correct my spelling?
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a_musical_guy
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Q: What did Santa get at school? A: Ho Ho Ho Levels


That's so bad, it's offensive. :mad:
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Egan1
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That's a point. We didn't do the crackers at lunch.
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MattG
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meh i was going this thread! u got there before me....

...oh well....*scrabbles around table to find cracker jokes*

...crap, they're gone, oh well

heres another bad joke, how do make a tissue dance?




u put some bogie into it !
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Adhsur
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(Original post by elpaw)
could you pwetty pwease correct my spelling?
*confused*
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elpaw
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(Original post by Adhsur)
*confused*
in the title which i cant edit
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elpaw
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(Original post by a_musical_guy)
Q: What did Santa get at school? A: Ho Ho Ho Levels


That's so bad, it's offensive. :mad:
and also out of touch with todays children, who wont have a clue what it's on about
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curryADD
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(Original post by Adhsur)
ROTFL!!! That's just so hilariously bad.
i know this is totally random, but did everyone get lots of presents...just finished opening up mine.... took 2 whole hours...lol
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Adhsur
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(Original post by elpaw)
in the title which i cant edit
Oh! I get you. There you go Merry Christmas.
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elpaw
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(Original post by curryADD)
i know this is totally random, but did everyone get lots of presents...just finished opening up mine.... took 2 whole hours...lol
american commercialism :rolleyes:
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a_musical_guy
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(Original post by curryADD)
i know this is totally random, but did everyone get lots of presents...just finished opening up mine.... took 2 whole hours...lol
Nope, I'm disappointed with mine. I was expecting a lot more than I got.
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Perplexed
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A few examples from our delightful crackers (Tesco's best)...

Q. Do you know how to make a bandstand?
A. Take their chairs away.

Q. Where do ghosts go at Christmas time?
A. To see the Phantomine.

Q. What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
A. "It’s Christmas, Eve!"

Q. How did young dinosaurs pass their exams?
A. With extinction.

I would go on, but I fear people may hold me accountable for your suicides.

The only comedy in Christmas crackers is the fact that people get employed to write these jokes.

They should try politically orientated satire.

Then you could buy right-wing crackers… consisting of jokes about asylum seekers.

Or alternatively, left-wing crackers… about those dirty capitalists.

Ho ho ho, and merry Christmas.
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theone
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Q. Why did the spider cross the web?
A. To get to the other site.
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Niz
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i dnt think they get peopel to write em besides they have to fit on a scrwny piece of paper, i dunno any short sweet jokes.
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Perplexed
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(Original post by Niz)
i dnt think they get peopel to write em besides they have to fit on a scrwny piece of paper, i dunno any short sweet jokes.
Oh they do get people to write them, I seem to recollect reading about it somewhere (where, I can't remember).
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ilovecjs
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Q: What tests does Santa have to take?
A: His ho ho ho levels.

I mean, how old WAS that cracker? O levels? Sigh. Crackers. Oh yeah, here's some more:

Q: Why do birds fly south in winter?
A: Because it's too far to walk.

Q: What do you get if you cross a delivery bird with a woodpecker?
A: A bird that knocks before it delivers the parcel.

I only ever laugh at cracker jokes because they're so lame!
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Ralfskini
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(Original post by ilovecjs)
Q: What tests does Santa have to take?
A: His ho ho ho levels.

I mean, how old WAS that cracker? O levels? Sigh. Crackers. Oh yeah, here's some more:

Q: Why do birds fly south in winter?
A: Because it's too far to walk.

Q: What do you get if you cross a delivery bird with a woodpecker?
A: A bird that knocks before it delivers the parcel.

I only ever laugh at cracker jokes because they're so lame!

Did you get those crackers from Asda? :rolleyes:
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GH
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#20
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#20
The curse of the christmas crackers...
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