Awful Christmas Cracker Jokes Watch

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mr-shiraz
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#21
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#21
The three bears return from a walk in the woods.
Daddy Bear: Whose been eating our porridge?
Baby Bear: Nevermind the porridge, whose nicked the video?
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material breach
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#22
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#22
Q.whats the name of a crustation?

A. Kings Crustation
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Ralfskini
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#23
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(Original post by Jools)
It was on BBC News, someone won a prize for submitting the best cracker joke:

Q. How does Santa do his shopping?
A. At Asda with Visa, baby :rolleyes:

I liked what they had on HIGNFY:

"One firm received complaints after cracker slips included the comments 'You're a fat *******' and 'You haven't won anything so **** off', in preparation for the Pop Idol final after-party'

That joke is utterly appauling! The second bit is pretty funny though.
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figgetyfig
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#24
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#24
q. why did the pilot land his plane on a house?
a. because the landing lights were on.

Not sure which classy supermarket that came from.
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El_Borish
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#25
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#25
"which hand should you use to stir your tea?"

"neither, you should use a spoon"

enough said. excuse me

*osund of rope being pulled taught and a muffled gulp*
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El_Borish
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#26
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#26
(Original post by figgetyfig)
q. why did the pilot land his plane on a house?
a. because the landing lights were on.

Not sure which classy supermarket that came from.
no, oh GOD NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
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material breach
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#27
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#27
*quivers at the horrors*
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meepmeep
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#28
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#28
What do you call a Russian satelitte full of stolen potatoes?

Spudnick!
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GH
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#29
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#29
(Original post by curryADD)
i know this is totally random, but did everyone get lots of presents...just finished opening up mine.... took 2 whole hours...lol
2 hours!

O_O

How many presents did you get?
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serendipity
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#30
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(Original post by 2776)
2 hours!

O_O

How many presents did you get?
Q.What do you call a man with a spade?

A.Doug.



Q.What do you call a man who's lost his spade?

A.Dougles.
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Infinity
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#31
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(Original post by 2776)
2 hours!

O_O

How many presents did you get?
2 hours sounds about right if her family is anything like mine....
Open present, pose while grandparents and aunts snap pics,
Open another present, more pics,
Open another present, it's a sweater and aunt helen insists you try it on
now! pose for more pics.
Open another present, Oh gawd, not another sweater!
Open another present, more pics............................ ......................
................................ ................................ ............
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GH
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#32
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#32
Well, thats wiped me out then...2 hours of gifts...commercialised heaven...
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serendipity
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#33
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(Original post by Infinity)
2 hours sounds about right if her family is anything like mine....
Open present, pose while grandparents and aunts snap pics,
Open another present, more pics,
Open another present, it's a sweater and aunt helen insists you try it on
now! pose for more pics.
Open another present, Oh gawd, not another sweater!
Open another present, more pics............................ ................................ ................................ ................................ ..
lol, sounds like a typical crimbo in my house
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Infinity
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#34
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(Original post by 2776)
Well, thats wiped me out then...2 hours of gifts...commercialised heaven...
The sad thing is I hardly got anything, 15 mins worth of presents,
1hr 45mins of flash bulbs going off in my face. Blah, I really need a drink!
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Brown Patrick Bateman
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#35
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#35
Oh it gets worse...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/o...re/3346427.stm
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JabberJaw
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#36
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#36
Nevermind awful jokes, Christmas is an awful season/part of the year.

Only thing i like about christmas now is knowing i will see my beautiful niece for a whole week,she lives over 500 miles away .(Love her more than life itself)
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GH
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#37
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(Original post by Jools)
Oh it gets worse...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/o...re/3346427.stm
*shudders at bad jokes

Please no more...jokes
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JabberJaw
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#38
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#38
(Original post by Infinity)
The sad thing is I hardly got anything, 15 mins worth of presents
Dang

My joy lasts about as long as my luv life,5mins and its all over.

It don't take long to unwrap socks,socks and more socks.


Dang 15 minutes
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GH
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#39
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#39
(Original post by JabberJaw)
My joy lasts about as long as my luv life,
lol, that was quite funny.
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101mphfastball
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#40
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Christmas time. Monday night Football on ESPN and are Dallas in the play-offs, yes at last, wildcard...........
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