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Over protective parents...
I am 16 years old and consider myself to be a responsible person. I get good grades, I hang out with a nice bunch of people and I am always careful.
Today I went into town with three friends. I rang home to tell my parents that i was ok. It was 9pm and I had been out since 5pm.
This is the conversation:
parent: Where are you?
me: i'm at the markets, and we have just finihsed tea, Im just ringing to tell you we're ok.
parent: it's 9pm. We're getting worried about you. I'll come an pick you up.
*hears other parent yelling in background*
I came home and I think becasue I have an exchange student with me, I didn't get yelled at.
DOes anyone have parents like mine? What can I do to prove myself worthy of going out of my hosue? I am just really annoyed, I mean, one day my parents are going to have to let go of me. I can't always be protected by them. They are letting me go to Germany this yr, but they get worried when I am 20 minutes away from home.
Today I went into town with three friends. I rang home to tell my parents that i was ok. It was 9pm and I had been out since 5pm.
This is the conversation:
parent: Where are you?
me: i'm at the markets, and we have just finihsed tea, Im just ringing to tell you we're ok.
parent: it's 9pm. We're getting worried about you. I'll come an pick you up.
*hears other parent yelling in background*
I came home and I think becasue I have an exchange student with me, I didn't get yelled at.
DOes anyone have parents like mine? What can I do to prove myself worthy of going out of my hosue? I am just really annoyed, I mean, one day my parents are going to have to let go of me. I can't always be protected by them. They are letting me go to Germany this yr, but they get worried when I am 20 minutes away from home.
Scroll to see replies
Reply 1
i know what you mean. my parents certainly aren't a patch on yours (they've let me go youth hostelling in europe with just friends since i was 16), but there are times when they have those protective moments. last year, for example, i spent nearly a month in china on an immersion course, which they had no problems with. but, when i mentioned that i was going to the reading festival, (about 2 weeks after i came back from china) they both practically had panic attacks, and ended up buying my cousin, who is 2 years older than me, a ticket so he could 'keep an eye on me.' which struck me as kind of odd, considering how only 4 months previously, they had found it funny that i was staying in a youth hostel in the red light district of paris with 3 female friends. i mean, it's not like there is anything i could do at a festival that i couldn't do in paris or florence or china! and, like you, i sometimes get phonecalls worrying about where i am - some days i can stay out for two days (as in, go to work on saturday morning and not come back until after my shift finishes on sunday evening), and some days i'll get a call at 9.30 going "where are you?? what are you doing??"
i think it's just part of growing up, sometimes your parents will let you have your independence, and at other times they will worry about you. just try talking to them, reassure them that you are not on a downwards spiral into alcoholism, have never woken up in a gutter, and are not addicted to crack cocaine. then, point out that you have a mobile phone so they can find you if they need to - and offer to ring them at certain times when you go out. finally, you could ask them if they were allowed out on their own when they were 16 - chances are that they were: my dad was hitchhiking around europe at that age, and that's always proved a pretty good argument for me.
i think it's just part of growing up, sometimes your parents will let you have your independence, and at other times they will worry about you. just try talking to them, reassure them that you are not on a downwards spiral into alcoholism, have never woken up in a gutter, and are not addicted to crack cocaine. then, point out that you have a mobile phone so they can find you if they need to - and offer to ring them at certain times when you go out. finally, you could ask them if they were allowed out on their own when they were 16 - chances are that they were: my dad was hitchhiking around europe at that age, and that's always proved a pretty good argument for me.
Reply 2
15
Yes, worse, and I'm 19.
Reply 3
13
When I was 16 I was requested to be in before it got dark. Pretty hard when in winter school sometimes finished when it was dark.
When I would go into town my Mum would call me about 6-7pm saying that the shops were and shut and what was I doing still in town if there is nothing to do. Which is fair enough I suppose. At the time I was really annoyed but she was just making sure I was ok. She was worried about me getting hurt from sitting around in the grassy areas in the centre.
If I did go out at night (gigs/clubs etc) she would always pick me up at about 11.
Now, I'm 18. If it's past 7 or 8 and I'm not home she will still call me to ask where I am and when I'm coming home. Some parents just like to know where their children are. You can't really argue with that.
My Dad is worse and didn't like the idea of me having to catch a bus into town and back to get to college everyday. Let alone what he would think of me going out at night. I just tend to not say much to my Dad, though now I'm 18 and can use 'I'm moving out in 2 months, it's better that I get used to being independant now' etc it's a lot easier.
My Mum seemed to just lighten up a bit as I got into college and she heard of my friends. She also started to go out herself a lot around the same time...I guess that helped.
Perhaps suggest that you have a time to call your parents or a time that you think someone aged 16 should be in.
When I would go into town my Mum would call me about 6-7pm saying that the shops were and shut and what was I doing still in town if there is nothing to do. Which is fair enough I suppose. At the time I was really annoyed but she was just making sure I was ok. She was worried about me getting hurt from sitting around in the grassy areas in the centre.
If I did go out at night (gigs/clubs etc) she would always pick me up at about 11.
Now, I'm 18. If it's past 7 or 8 and I'm not home she will still call me to ask where I am and when I'm coming home. Some parents just like to know where their children are. You can't really argue with that.
My Dad is worse and didn't like the idea of me having to catch a bus into town and back to get to college everyday. Let alone what he would think of me going out at night. I just tend to not say much to my Dad, though now I'm 18 and can use 'I'm moving out in 2 months, it's better that I get used to being independant now' etc it's a lot easier.
My Mum seemed to just lighten up a bit as I got into college and she heard of my friends. She also started to go out herself a lot around the same time...I guess that helped.
Perhaps suggest that you have a time to call your parents or a time that you think someone aged 16 should be in.
Reply 4
My mum is protective at time that make no sence!
Im 18 and she lets me go out to bars etc on a weekend if i want to(as long as its not every week) and will say bye, then not try to contact me for the rest of the night, trusts me to get a taxi and get myself home safely, sometimes at about 4am.
Then last summer i went on a family holiday to Bridilington, in a "haven" camp site, and she wouldn't let me out of the caravan at any time of the day without my Dad looking after me, and when i went (with my dad cringe) to the camp bar(luckily he thought my mum was insane as well so he just sat in the sports bar and watched the tele and let me go wherever I wanted to watch the entertainment in the other rooms) my mum called me at 8.30 and told me to come back to the caravan NOW! she didn't want me out any later etc etc.
This casued major arguments, and the next day she tried to drag me out on some day trip to a boring market and i refused saying cant i just stay around camp , go in the pool, arcades etc and see you when you get back, she screamed and screamed at me and LOCKED me in the caravan.
I then did something a bit childish and climbed out of the window, got a bus to the train station and went home, calling her just as I got on the train to gloat a bit.
I thought that would be the end of it (until she got home after the holiday at least), then to my surprise she sent my dad driving back that night to collect me and drag me back to the camp site!!
ARGH
once home she let me go out with my mates again without ever checking up on me!
stupid parents! can't wait to go uni and get away from the insanity.
Im 18 and she lets me go out to bars etc on a weekend if i want to(as long as its not every week) and will say bye, then not try to contact me for the rest of the night, trusts me to get a taxi and get myself home safely, sometimes at about 4am.
Then last summer i went on a family holiday to Bridilington, in a "haven" camp site, and she wouldn't let me out of the caravan at any time of the day without my Dad looking after me, and when i went (with my dad cringe) to the camp bar(luckily he thought my mum was insane as well so he just sat in the sports bar and watched the tele and let me go wherever I wanted to watch the entertainment in the other rooms) my mum called me at 8.30 and told me to come back to the caravan NOW! she didn't want me out any later etc etc.
This casued major arguments, and the next day she tried to drag me out on some day trip to a boring market and i refused saying cant i just stay around camp , go in the pool, arcades etc and see you when you get back, she screamed and screamed at me and LOCKED me in the caravan.
I then did something a bit childish and climbed out of the window, got a bus to the train station and went home, calling her just as I got on the train to gloat a bit.
I thought that would be the end of it (until she got home after the holiday at least), then to my surprise she sent my dad driving back that night to collect me and drag me back to the camp site!!
ARGH
once home she let me go out with my mates again without ever checking up on me!
stupid parents! can't wait to go uni and get away from the insanity.
Reply 5
11
Hmmm, my parents don't like me going to pubs and clubs [well fair play, I'm underage!] so I imply I'm just going to a friends house, or bbq or something, and if I'm out late I usually sleep over at someones house.
I think you need to give them more information before you go out- clearly defined times etc so they can't worry. Also, sleeping over at others houses more could be a solution.
I think you need to give them more information before you go out- clearly defined times etc so they can't worry. Also, sleeping over at others houses more could be a solution.
Reply 6
My parents were the same. I was never allowed to go out while i was a teenager, like i went out for my mates 18th i had to be home before 10pm.
Its got to such a point now that i aint been able to keep any mates from school, cos of always turning them down for nights out. So even though im older i dont have anyone to go out with, i know my parents cant tell me what i can and cant do, but with the threat of being out on the street what option do i have.
Its got to such a point now that i aint been able to keep any mates from school, cos of always turning them down for nights out. So even though im older i dont have anyone to go out with, i know my parents cant tell me what i can and cant do, but with the threat of being out on the street what option do i have.
Reply 7
14
My mum was never like that with me. In fact, when I was 14 she let me go to my boyfriend's 16th birthday house party (where there were clearly people outside in the front garden smoking, with bottles of Red Square!) and agreed to pick me up at 11.30! She's not a bad mum and its not that she doesn't care about me, I reckon she was just a bit naive about what I might have been getting up to when I was younger! We live in a really safe little town anyway.
My sister got the short straw though, I think. She's 16 now, and Mum always gives her a ring at about 8.30 to see where she is whenever she's out, and picks her up as opposed to letting her catch the bus home late at night (like I often had to). My sister doesn't get up to as much as I did, either, she and her friends usually just go to restaurants and stuff.
Actually, I'm getting a bit of over-protection at the moment which seems a bit ironic, considering I just turned 18. She'll call me to check where I am, who I'm with, whether I'm getting a lift home or getting a taxi, when I'll be home etc. And then when I get home at 3am, she's still half-awake in bed and since I have to walk past her room to get to mine, she'll know what time I get in! Then I'll usually be asked something like, "Bloody hell, Amy, what kind of time do you call this?". Great fun.
I think Saffie's suggestion is a really good one. If you let your parents know where you're going, who with, when you'll be back, how you're getting home and so on, it'll set their minds at rest.
Also, always always always make sure your mobile phone isn't on silent! I have a bad habit of doing that, so when Mum calls and can't get through she panics and wonders why I can't get to the phone, which sparks a family-wide attempt at trying to get through to me. Honestly, a few months ago I had various missed calls from Dad, Mum, Gran, Grandad and my sister worried about where I was! It was only 8.30!!
My sister got the short straw though, I think. She's 16 now, and Mum always gives her a ring at about 8.30 to see where she is whenever she's out, and picks her up as opposed to letting her catch the bus home late at night (like I often had to). My sister doesn't get up to as much as I did, either, she and her friends usually just go to restaurants and stuff.
Actually, I'm getting a bit of over-protection at the moment which seems a bit ironic, considering I just turned 18. She'll call me to check where I am, who I'm with, whether I'm getting a lift home or getting a taxi, when I'll be home etc. And then when I get home at 3am, she's still half-awake in bed and since I have to walk past her room to get to mine, she'll know what time I get in! Then I'll usually be asked something like, "Bloody hell, Amy, what kind of time do you call this?". Great fun.
I think Saffie's suggestion is a really good one. If you let your parents know where you're going, who with, when you'll be back, how you're getting home and so on, it'll set their minds at rest.
Also, always always always make sure your mobile phone isn't on silent! I have a bad habit of doing that, so when Mum calls and can't get through she panics and wonders why I can't get to the phone, which sparks a family-wide attempt at trying to get through to me. Honestly, a few months ago I had various missed calls from Dad, Mum, Gran, Grandad and my sister worried about where I was! It was only 8.30!!
Reply 8
14
A big thing to remember is that parents have a deep irrational fear of something happening to you. Losing a child or simply not being there if something bad happen is the worst feeling in the world for a parent so yes its annoying but they are only thinking about keeping you safe.
That in mind you do have to still live your life so maybe sit down with your parents and talk to them about why you feel like you need some freedom.
That in mind you do have to still live your life so maybe sit down with your parents and talk to them about why you feel like you need some freedom.
Reply 9
14
My mum used to let me go out when I was 16 shes actually worse now and I'm 25 - go figure.
Reply 10
14
viviki
My mum used to let me go out when I was 16 shes actually worse now and I'm 25 - go figure.
So's mine...I assume its cause there is so much I can do legally she thinks I can get into more trouble!
Reply 11
14
Exactly. I was drinking in carparks at 15, and out in pubs at 17, as long as I wasn't too silly and it wasn't on a school night mum was fine but when they stay with me at uni if I go out then they wait up for me.
Reply 12
11
frost105
So's mine...I assume its cause there is so much I can do legally she thinks I can get into more trouble!
And at 25 you're not so scared of sex.Reply 13
I am 19 and it is awful! 
A phone call everyday while I am in the States.
A phone call everyday while I am in the States.Reply 14
galadriel100
I am 16 years old and consider myself to be a responsible person. I get good grades, I hang out with a nice bunch of people and I am always careful.
Today I went into town with three friends. I rang home to tell my parents that i was ok. It was 9pm and I had been out since 5pm.
This is the conversation:
parent: Where are you?
me: i'm at the markets, and we have just finihsed tea, Im just ringing to tell you we're ok.
parent: it's 9pm. We're getting worried about you. I'll come an pick you up.
*hears other parent yelling in background*
I came home and I think becasue I have an exchange student with me, I didn't get yelled at.
DOes anyone have parents like mine? What can I do to prove myself worthy of going out of my hosue? I am just really annoyed, I mean, one day my parents are going to have to let go of me. I can't always be protected by them. They are letting me go to Germany this yr, but they get worried when I am 20 minutes away from home.
Today I went into town with three friends. I rang home to tell my parents that i was ok. It was 9pm and I had been out since 5pm.
This is the conversation:
parent: Where are you?
me: i'm at the markets, and we have just finihsed tea, Im just ringing to tell you we're ok.
parent: it's 9pm. We're getting worried about you. I'll come an pick you up.
*hears other parent yelling in background*
I came home and I think becasue I have an exchange student with me, I didn't get yelled at.
DOes anyone have parents like mine? What can I do to prove myself worthy of going out of my hosue? I am just really annoyed, I mean, one day my parents are going to have to let go of me. I can't always be protected by them. They are letting me go to Germany this yr, but they get worried when I am 20 minutes away from home.
Ask them why.. not angrily just ask them reasonably why it is they don't trust you - if they don't think you're responsable point out all the things you mentioned and more.. for example on the German trip don't do anything tooo silly or get lost or something and point this out to them - the fact that you've been 20 odd hours from home and managed to look after yourself is something right? Just keep pointing out to them that you're responsable and know how to cope, and how silly it is for them to still treat you like a little kiddy. About going out tell them stuff like you're always with a group of responsable friends and maybe carry a pepper spray around with you or something lol
Reply 15
When I was 16, I used to ignore my Mum's advice and walk home at 12 at night on my own or with a friend.
Then I was attacked at 8 o clock one night. I wished I'd listened to my parents advice. They're only looking out for you and using their life experiences to "protect" you.
Then I was attacked at 8 o clock one night. I wished I'd listened to my parents advice. They're only looking out for you and using their life experiences to "protect" you.
Reply 16
i am 16. is my parents not letting me go out on friday or saturday nites to bars etc with my freinds overprotective? on the one hand i see it as no, bcoz really u shud be over 18 anyway, but on the other hand i see it as all my freinds are doing it so why shouldnt i be allowed to?
Reply 17
aww i hear for you. my parents are exactly the same but when my brother was the same age he could do whatever he wanted to do, whenever he chose to. i suppose now days it seems very unsafe and as annoying as they can be i guess there being caring.
Reply 18
16
My mum is so funny. I am not allowed to stay over at my boyfriend's house UNLESS he has a party and other people stay! I think she thinks that I will sleep with everyone else, but in fact, my boyfriend has a double bed.
Weird, and irrational. <sigh>
Weird, and irrational. <sigh>
Reply 19
Im 18 and the same thing happens. Well basically for now its all about patience, ill just wait till i get a job and ill go leave the house and do whatever I want. Right now all you have to do is just go by their rules as a sort of respect. Lucky you because I can't even go out after 8pm and im already 18
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