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SlyPie
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#41
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#41
(Original post by chazzinio)
i hate the feeling when you turn someone down that u hav made them feel bad and really small (esp wen they are wot i wud call unattractive, as i think this sort of stuff must happen all the time to them). but at the end of the day i could never be wit sum1 i didnt find visibly attractive.

I agree..this whole "completely inner mumbo jumbo" is a waste of time. Even if you love them emotionally, you can't be in love with them if you aren't physically attracted.
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Fleece
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#42
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#42
What are you on about they dont desire to be gay....that's like saying straight people walk around cursing themselves for being straight....if it's what you like it's what you like.....hence why wouldnt you want to be that way.
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grace
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#43
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#43
(Original post by chazzinio)
i hate the feeling when you turn someone down that u hav made them feel bad and really small (esp wen they are wot i wud call unattractive, as i think this sort of stuff must happen all the time to them). but at the end of the day i could never be wit sum1 i didnt find visibly attractive.
i hate turning people down who i would actually be interested in if i didn't have a bf...feel slightly gutted
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SlyPie
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#44
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#44
(Original post by Fleece)
What are you on about they dont desire to be gay....that's like saying straight people walk around cursing themselves for being straight....if it's what you like it's what you like.....hence why wouldnt you want to be that way.

Because it's still unnatural to me. I'd rather be passionately and devoutly straight than bisexual, but it's not my choice.

Anyway, I still want to get married to a guy someday and have ONE child.
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Fleece
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#45
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#45
Well you must be really into your bf.
I know when i turn down attractive people beause i have a bf i feel slightly chuffed because i say with pride that i've got a bf.
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grace
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#46
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#46
(Original post by Fleece)
What are you on about they dont desire to be gay....that's like saying straight people walk around cursing themselves for being straight....if it's what you like it's what you like.....hence why wouldnt you want to be that way.
because they face homophobes and prejudices and all that kind of crap, which i'm sure they'd rather live without. i certainly don't envy gay people, they do have to take a lot, bless em.
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grace
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#47
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#47
(Original post by Fleece)
Well you must be really into your bf.
I know when i turn down attractive people beause i have a bf i feel slightly chuffed because i say with pride that i've got a bf.
i am really into my bf which is why i always turn people down. at the end of the day, my head and heart are his but sometimes you get an amazing connection or chemistry with someone and it's a struggle to say no! (...this happened to me last night...*sigh*...such chemistry...).

how long have you been with ur bf?
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Fleece
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#48
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#48
I really dont see what that has to do with anything? Quite a long time actually. I just cant imagine if you really love someone that you'd find it a struggle to turn someone else down.
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grace
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#49
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#49
(Original post by Fleece)
I really dont see what that has to do with anything? Quite a long time actually. I just cant imagine if you really love someone that you'd find it a struggle to turn someone else down.
it's called hormones. it's natural and human to be attracted to other people. the fact that i really love him is what stops me acting on it.

if i was never attracted to anyone else i'd probably be asexual. i know my bfs attracted to other people, as is yours, and you probably are as well. it has nothing to do with how much you love someone.

and i was only askin outta curiosity
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Fleece
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#50
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#50
sorry.

and yeah of course we all are attracted to other people.
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nige
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#51
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#51
That someone should avoid approaching you because you might consider them ugly (how should they know) is nonsense - how can you find it offensive? What sort of person would be so insecure in their own looks to rank themselves against those they meet that would subsequently dictate whether that person was being offensive or complimentary by asking them out? Yes - of course - physical attraction is important in any relationship, however, that doesn't mean it's offensive for someone who isn't physically attractive to you to try! If anything, someone who could be considered unattractive by a number of people deserves praise for having the balls to go up to an such an (apparently) attractive person.
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zooropa
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#52
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#52
(Original post by Fleece)
o

"ugly" people are allowed to ask people out you know, they're not lepers...just because she wasn't your cup of tea doesnt mean other people wouldnt find her attractive..bloody hell mate, i think you need to get over yourself - i'm sure people think you're a minger too.
It's embarrassing for ugly people to ask me out!

I dunno, I'm just prejudiced against ugly people.
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Naxalite
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#53
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#53
(Original post by red_roadkill)
I never get chatted up by ugly people. They'd simply be too embarrassed to approach me as I'm clearly always the most fabulous in any bar/club/cinema whatever
I very much doubt that, you obviously don't visit the clubs I do then.
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Fleece
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#54
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#54
(Original post by zooropa)
It's embarrassing for ugly people to ask me out!

I dunno, I'm just prejudiced against ugly people.
i'm sure people have been embarrassed by you asking them out too
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Adarah
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#55
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#55
(Original post by nige)
That someone should avoid approaching you because you might consider them ugly (how should they know) is nonsense - how can you find it offensive? What sort of person would be so insecure in their own looks to rank themselves against those they meet that would subsequently dictate whether that person was being offensive or complimentary by asking them out? Yes - of course - physical attraction is important in any relationship, however, that doesn't mean it's offensive for someone who isn't physically attractive to you to try! If anything, someone who could be considered unattractive by a number of people deserves praise for having the balls to go up to an such an (apparently) attractive person.
You are right, they do deserve praise for having the guts to ask someone out who is extremely pretty and it also shows that they are not totally insecure about themselves and have some selfconfidence. But I think you are all being a bit hard on Grace... she did say that she does treat them the same, she said she feels a bit insulted though, which you may not agree with, but at least she's honest and doesn't pretend to be the perfect moralist.
I know a girl who was once asked out by a guy in my year who was well, not particularly attractive . He just asked her out for a coffee or something, but this girl was horrible to him and really freaked out about the whole thing and told everyone how she thought about him asking her out. She really was offended and didn't hide it - now that is a horrible thing to do! It shattered his self-confidence, you can be sure of that...
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Adarah
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#56
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#56
(Original post by chazzinio)
i hate the feeling when you turn someone down that u hav made them feel bad and really small (esp wen they are wot i wud call unattractive, as i think this sort of stuff must happen all the time to them). but at the end of the day i could never be wit sum1 i didnt find visibly attractive.
I find it really hard to turn anyone down, I'm always flattered by their attention and hate to have to disappoint them. Once I did not manage to gracefully tell them no and it was a disaster - learned a valuable lesson that time: if you really aren't attracted to them, then you should tell them as soon as possible, and if you are not sure about them and think you might or might not want to go out with them, it's just not fair to not tell them what you're thinking. I really hurt someone by just being really indecisive and I won't do it again, I just wish I'd not be so 'inexperience' in this whole dating thing at the time, but I guess I had to learn somehow. Just sad I couldn't learn without making stupid mistakes.
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grace
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#57
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#57
(Original post by Adarah)
You are right, they do deserve praise for having the guts to ask someone out who is extremely pretty and it also shows that they are not totally insecure about themselves and have some selfconfidence. But I think you are all being a bit hard on Grace... she did say that she does treat them the same, she said she feels a bit insulted though, which you may not agree with, but at least she's honest and doesn't pretend to be the perfect moralist.
I know a girl who was once asked out by a guy in my year who was well, not particularly attractive . He just asked her out for a coffee or something, but this girl was horrible to him and really freaked out about the whole thing and told everyone how she thought about him asking her out. She really was offended and didn't hide it - now that is a horrible thing to do! It shattered his self-confidence, you can be sure of that...
thank you . and that is well harsh, i would never do that to someone. to be honest i was talking more about a club situation when someone you don't know (and subsequently all you have to go by is looks) approaches you. if i actually knew the person i wouldn't be offended because chances are i'd been friendly to them or whatever and so maybe given them the impression that they might stand a chance...and i'd let them down gently
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Lirael Abhorsen
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#58
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#58
well i don't think i'd have an issue if an "ugly" person asked me out, it'd either be i was attracted to them or i wasn't and if not obviously there's not much basis for a relationship so you're going to have to turn them down. i find people with slimy unattractive personalities repellant not "ugly" people. plus i don't really believe in this whole league thing, it's just some people aren't your type and others are.
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grace
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#59
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#59
(Original post by Adarah)
I find it really hard to turn anyone down, I'm always flattered by their attention and hate to have to disappoint them. Once I did not manage to gracefully tell them no and it was a disaster - learned a valuable lesson that time: if you really aren't attracted to them, then you should tell them as soon as possible, and if you are not sure about them and think you might or might not want to go out with them, it's just not fair to not tell them what you're thinking. I really hurt someone by just being really indecisive and I won't do it again, I just wish I'd not be so 'inexperience' in this whole dating thing at the time, but I guess I had to learn somehow. Just sad I couldn't learn without making stupid mistakes.
i know what you mean, honesty really is the best policy. i know i was in the situation a couple years ago when i was at college where a male friend (who i really really did not fancy but loved him as a mate) decided he'd fallen in love with me. In my book, the stronger the feelings, the more firm (but still nice) you need to be about your answer.

i told him on no uncertain terms that i absolutely adored him as a mate but there was no way we could ever be more. meanwhile, some of my 'friends' couldn't bear to see him moping and basically encouraged him that one day i might come around and so not to give up hope and keep trying. Subsequently i was put in the awkward postion of having to tell him every single time he sent me a bouquet of flowers or made me a compilation cd that i was still not interested, which must have been torture on him!

moral of the story: always be honest. Kind, tactful, but firmly honest. false hope is worse than being turned down
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Adarah
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#60
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#60
(Original post by grace)
i know what you mean, honesty really is the best policy. i know i was in the situation a couple years ago when i was at college where a male friend (who i really really did not fancy but loved him as a mate) decided he'd fallen in love with me. In my book, the stronger the feelings, the more firm (but still nice) you need to be about your answer.

i told him on no uncertain terms that i absolutely adored him as a mate but there was no way we could ever be more. meanwhile, some of my 'friends' couldn't bear to see him moping and basically encouraged him that one day i might come around and so not to give up hope and keep trying. Subsequently i was put in the awkward postion of having to tell him every single time he sent me a bouquet of flowers or made me a compilation cd that i was still not interested, which must have been torture on him!

moral of the story: always be honest. Kind, tactful, but firmly honest.
yeah... I know that now . It was quite a similar situation really to the one you were in really... he was a friend of mine too... well, still is, only I don't see him that often now as he's really busy. But I just didn't really know what do at all and my friends weren't helping as they were like pushing me to go out with him - so while I wanted to just tell him no, they kept convincing me not too :mad: . Oh well, they just thought we were made for each other I guess. Still, I'm not going to make that mistake again ever now.
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