Friendship troubles :( please help

Hi everyone, I wondered if you could give me some advice...this is going to be a really long post but some of you may relate or be able to help.

Basically, I met my best mate about 2/4 years ago and we immedietly became good friends. We were very similar - had the same views on things, and just the little things too - like we had the same fridge magnets, china/plates n stuff. I got on well with her family and we used to do everything together - at school (we chose the same subjects for GCSE and no, it wasn't on purpose), at home and on daytrips out. I had so much fun and it meant a lot to me because I'd never had such a great friend before - I've always had trouble making friends and although I've always had lots of 'friends', I'd never had a true 'best friend' - if you know what I mean!

Anyway, a few months ago, my best mate started getting particularly friendly with another girl. They started doing everything together and my friend was quiet with me. At first I thought I was just being stupid - I do understand people are allowed to have other mates! This was different though. Now they are meeting up almost everyday and going out places and I feel really left out - I'm just left at home most of the day, bored! (Most of my other mates are on holiday or live in other towns). I thought maybe she was 'not herself' because of GCSE exam stress this summer, but now it's the holidays it's got even worse. I asked her out to the cinema the other day but she just said it she wasn't going out but it was too late notice (I asked her about 2 hours in advance) - it's as if she doesn't really want to be friends anymore. In the past we've arranged things at the last minute and she's really spontaneous so it's not like she just likes things planned or anything.

I don't really know why - we still have things in common (atm we're taking the same A Levels in September although I'm not completely sure whether I'm sticking with my choices yet). It's just wierd. I feel like I have to think through everything I say to her before I say it which is not what i expect it to be like with a best friend.

I don't really know what to do. I worry I try too hard sometimes. I've read quite a lot about body language in the past and I find myself using little tricks I've read about making friends. I really want to stop us drifting apart - I don't want to lose such an amazing friend.

Can anyone offer me any advice on this situation?

Oh, another thing - it's my friend's birthday this week (the friend i was talking about above). A few months ago when we were getting on fine I bought some tickets to see a comedian we both love, and that's her birthday present, but she knows about it because I couldn't keep it a secret for very long! However, I want to do something else - a suprise? - for her birthday that will show I care about her. However, I'm worried if I spend too much money it will just look like I'm trying to 'buy a friend'. Any suggestions?

Thanks for reading this enormous post and I'd greatly appreciate any advice!

MissSurfer

Reply 1

Lirael Abhorsen

1

you sound like a really caring person :smile:

and tbh it sounds more than generous of you to get the comedian tickets, i don't know you could get her something personal ie. my friend made me a special card with all the stuff i liked on it and our private jokes about the famous 5 and other stuff which i really appreciated :smile:

it sounds like you're doing your best to keep her as a friend already, but sometimes people drift apart for whatever reason and it could be in the long run you're better suited to being close to other people or it might just be a stage she's going through..
try not to get worked up when she can't make it and arrange another time if possible, maybe she couldn't get transport at the thing 2 hrs before or similar? if she keeps seeming reluctant then it might be time to have a talk about your friendship and see if everything's ok with her ... but it might also be worth considering going your separate ways as it sounds like shes not appreciating you nearly as much as you deserve! good luck :smile:

Reply 2

awkward_eagle

1

i agree with the post above, you sound like a really nice person and you don't deserve to be feeling left out like this :smile:

.
You didn't really mention your feelings towards the new friend your best friend's started hanging round with. Maybe you should try to get to know her a bit better, after all, you and your best friend have a lot in common, so it's likely you'll both get on with the same kind of people. Try not to read too much into your friend not going to the cinema with you. I feel like such a hypocrite here cos I know if that happened to me I'd feel really bad too, but keep asking her to do stuff with you, and maybe ask her new friend along too sometimes, this way your best friend won't feel she's being split between the two of you. Hope things work out for you... :hugs:

Reply 3

*starry_eyed_*

14

awww :cuddle: you are such a lovely gal! :smile:

what you've done for your friend is amazing and if she doesn't appreciate what you do, I think you should find someone who does! How well do you know the girl she hangs out with? Maybe getting to know her, without you're friend being there, could help you. Like the other posts in here explain, its not unusual for people to grow apart, even the best of friends do! I lost a friend of 14years! Anyway, maybe see how you are with her when you start college, you'll make loads of friends there to fall back on if you drift away from her. All the luck in the world! :smile:

Reply 4

MissSurfer

OP

17

Thanks for all your replies. I appreciate them.

Just when I thought things were getting slightly better, I read her online blog. She's refers to this other girl (the one I mentioned before) as 'my best friend'. I always though I was her best friend :frown:

Why do friendships have to be so HARD!

MissSurfer

Friendship troubles :( please help

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