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Am I being fair??

Since I finished my AS exams and left college, I haven't seen my close friends once. I have phoned, texted, emailed etc to try to get in touch with them, but they either do not answer the phone or are busy with their "family". On one occassion, I found out that my whole group of close friends (about 8 of us) went out for a meal and didn't invite me.

I have got so sick of them doing this and leaving me out, that I have given up with making the effort. However, I think I may have taken it too far.

There's been three birthdays, all of which i have bought presents for. However, two of these I have only found out through another friend.

The third birthday, I have said that I am seeing family and I can't get out of. This isn't true:I'm going to a party. All this time I've felt so proud of myself for letting go like this, but have I been too unfair? :frown:

Sorry for the long post.

Reply 1

fonzievision

14

Too unfair? Hell no! If they do stuff like that and don't let you know, there's absolutely no reason why you should have to please them in any way whatsoever

Reply 2

bohogirlie

3

*starry_eyed_*

Since I finished my AS exams and left college, I haven't seen my close friends once. I have phoned, texted, emailed etc to try to get in touch with them, but they either do not answer the phone or are busy with their "family". On one occassion, I found out that my whole group of close friends (about 8 of us) went out for a meal and didn't invite me.

I have got so sick of them doing this and leaving me out, that I have given up with making the effort. However, I think I may have taken it too far.

There's been three birthdays, all of which i have bought presents for. However, two of these I have only found out through another friend.

The third birthday, I have said that I am seeing family and I can't get out of. This isn't true:I'm going to a party. All this time I've felt so proud of myself for letting go like this, but have I been too unfair? :frown:

Sorry for the long post.

No, i don't think so. My best friend went and booked a holiday without me!(i'm not really friends with the other people, but still she could have asked). Understandably, i was quite upset when i found out, not that i would have gone if she had asked me, but it was the fact that she kept it all a big secret from me. When she told me she could obviously tell that i was a bit pissed off, and invited me! I was like no thanks! I know how you feel about always making the effort. I feel that its always me making the effort to be friends with this girl. I have to try really hard, and she doesn't make it easy for me when she bitches to me about my other friends who shes not friends with.

I guess what i'm trying to get across is, if i was you i'd play them at their own game, then maybe they'll realise how they've been treating you. They don't sound like particuarly good friends to have so i would just find new ones if you don't think they're worth it! If you think they're worth it, then talk to them.

Hope this helps :smile:

Reply 3

Student_Bum

1

if I was you, I would go out of my way to piss them off! they have treated you appalling. I wouldnt consider them my friends at all.

Reply 4

unfinished sympathy

15

most friends are like this- pains in the arses unfortunately :frown:

Reply 5

Debs

8

No. I know how you feel. Since the end of our Highers my friends have had nothing to do with me, since I decided I was sick of being taken advantage of and stopped running around after them. They all started avoiding me when my granny was diagnosed with cancer and have completely shut me out since she died, can't figure out why though.

Anyway I agree with bohogirlie, play them at their own game and see how they like it. You can always make new friends

Reply 6

Glory

1

it happens a hell of a alot, when i finished college the last time i saw my girl mates was on my 19th birthday. We always said we would go out for drinks and stuff but whenever i was free they wasnt and visa versa.

I only seem to get texts when they change their phone number. On the odd occasion i got a christmas card posted through the door. Kinda annoys me you wanna be able to have a social life, but people blank you out.

I got my uni mates now, so its not such a big deal, but i only seem them during term time for obvious reasons.

Reply 7

natcho

10

So long as you don't mind the fact that you seem to be drifting away from them, I don't think it's unfair. I'd have nothing more to do with them, they don't seem to be very nice to you. They probably will be when they want something, lol.

I worry that when I leave school the same kind of thing will happen to me... and I know I will mind it.

Reply 8

Student_Bum

1

smeets- be prepared because it will. People do drift away and do their own thing, its a sad fact of life.

Reply 9

frost105

14

For your own piece of mind get each of them on their own at some stage and ask why your being left out or why they have replied to any messages etc.

Reply 10

*starry_eyed_*

OP

14

frost105

For your own piece of mind get each of them on their own at some stage and ask why your being left out or why they have replied to any messages etc.

i've tried thatg but they jist make up pathetic excuses such as they have, or they thought i was on holiday, though they blatantly know when i'm going away!

Reply 11

*starry_eyed_*

OP

14

Student_Bum

if I was you, I would go out of my way to piss them off! they have treated you appalling. I wouldnt consider them my friends at all.

i'm getting to that stage now :wink:

only thing is, i'm talking to other people, but i8'm scared that when i go back to college, they'll go back to their usual friends and i'll be expected to go back to mine :confused:

Reply 12

*starry_eyed_*

OP

14

bohogirlie

No, i don't think so. My best friend went and booked a holiday without me!(i'm not really friends with the other people, but still she could have asked). Understandably, i was quite upset when i found out, not that i would have gone if she had asked me, but it was the fact that she kept it all a big secret from me. When she told me she could obviously tell that i was a bit pissed off, and invited me! I was like no thanks! I know how you feel about always making the effort. I feel that its always me making the effort to be friends with this girl. I have to try really hard, and she doesn't make it easy for me when she bitches to me about my other friends who shes not friends with.

I guess what i'm trying to get across is, if i was you i'd play them at their own game, then maybe they'll realise how they've been treating you. They don't sound like particuarly good friends to have so i would just find new ones if you don't think they're worth it! If you think they're worth it, then talk to them.

Hope this helps :smile:

yeah- its the thought that counts after all! :smile:

Reply 13

frost105

14

*starry_eyed_*

i've tried thatg but they jist make up pathetic excuses such as they have, or they thought i was on holiday, though they blatantly know when i'm going away!

Just tell them to cut the crap and be honest with them. If your pissed off let them know about it

Reply 14

lostinfantasies

2

I'd just ignore it, not let it get to me, and then come college if they say "o-o-oh my God, haven't seen you for AGES!", just go "oh, I was available, but you decided to leave me out, so yeah, no wonder you didn't see me for ages".

Reply 15

shoppingqueenbe

i think sometimes when people leave us out or we feel insecure we protect ourselfs by saying we cant come out etc, teh more we do this teh less we are invited - now i know they did wrong to you first in your view but i think you would benefit by asking them if you had done anything wrong , explain how you are feeling to them and i promise you that more often then not it will resolve itself -]

Reply 16

LubyLoo

2

You're not being unfair at all. You don't need to be tied to your friends all the time and they have quite obviously shown they don't need to be tied to you.

Use this party to show your independence and to hopefully hang out with people who seem more like you.

Reply 17

dobbs

17

Mrs. Political

most friends are like this- pains in the arses unfortunately :frown:

Wouldn't like to meet your friends then :rolleyes:

I think I have great friends and wouldn't class any of them as "pains in the arses" :smile:

*Edit* Oh and on the topic of the thread, no you're not being unfair at all! Go find new friends! :biggrin:

Reply 18

buttons7

1

*starry_eyed_*

Since I finished my AS exams and left college, I haven't seen my close friends once. I have phoned, texted, emailed etc to try to get in touch with them, but they either do not answer the phone or are busy with their "family". On one occassion, I found out that my whole group of close friends (about 8 of us) went out for a meal and didn't invite me.

I have got so sick of them doing this and leaving me out, that I have given up with making the effort. However, I think I may have taken it too far.

There's been three birthdays, all of which i have bought presents for. However, two of these I have only found out through another friend.

The third birthday, I have said that I am seeing family and I can't get out of. This isn't true:I'm going to a party. All this time I've felt so proud of myself for letting go like this, but have I been too unfair? :frown:

Sorry for the long post.

i don't think that was taking it too far at all. i kind of have the same problem, myself - since leaving school i've seen very few of my friends (in fact, i've only seen one of my friends), and i quite often discover that they're all off at parties. in fact, four of them went on a trip together to wales or something last week, and the first i heard was when one of them rang me up, pissed as a fart, talking about welsh people. it doesn't really bother me that much, as i don't really have very close friends (i tend not to, it's just the way i am), but this has been getting worse over the last year, and i've done exactly what you've done. if one of my friends (i.e. the one i've seen since leaving school) invites me second-hand to a party and i've got the option of going out with colleagues from work, or my cousins, or other people instead, then i tend to do the latter. it's not to spite my friends, i just find that if they aren't really including me, going out with people i work with or with other friends is actually more interesting than seeing my not-so-best buddies.

if it's really bothering you, then talk to your friends. i'm sure once you go back to school you'll hang out together again. otherwise, enjoy the freedom of not being tied into all that college clique business. this year, apart from a couple of people, i didn't really spend large amounts of time with anybody; but i've met lots of cool people, have had a more interesting year than usual, and have really enjoyed being independent enough to be able to socialise without being backed up by a pack of schoolfriends. the way i see it, you can't be that close to them if they aren't including you, so why not look for other friends? you'll still talk to the old ones, even if only out of habit, but you might also meet new people who you get on with better!

Reply 19

emily87

9

*starry_eyed_*

i'm getting to that stage now :wink:

only thing is, i'm talking to other people, but i8'm scared that when i go back to college, they'll go back to their usual friends and i'll be expected to go back to mine :confused:

Don't worry, get up some more confidence and switch to the new people at college, you'll be fine. If they talk to you in the holidays I'm sure they'll be v happy for you to hang around with them at college too. Looking back i'm sure joining new groups of people really isnt as hard as it seemed in year 12.

Am I being fair??

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